The F.U.N

Cat is sad. He can't go out. His house mom says no. The dogs will get him. The coyote will eat him.
He must stay in. Cat is thinking. Why did he have to get all those shots? He can't go out. Cat is sad.
He crys by the door and scratches. It is his nature to eat grass. Mama Jane brings some in from the lawn, but it's not the same. Cats don't make it long out here in the country. That's what they all say. He wonders why. If the dogs will chase him and the coyote will eat him, he thinks they should be kept inside and let him out.

Cat is mad. Doesn't he have any rights? He gets the feline union on the phone. Cat is disapointed. F.U.N. Felines United have sorry news for him. Unless he's being starved or beaten he shouldn't complain. He thinks about it for a minute. Mama Jane feeds him three times a day. The F.U.N assures him he's a fat cat. She gives him turkey slices on weekends and canned food on Thursday and dry food all week. The F.U.N assures him he's eating better than them. All they get is fish. Mama Jane won't let him have fish. Fish are pets. We don't eat pets. That's what she always says. Birds are also pets so cat isn't allowed to eat them either. Dogs are big pets, but they protect the house so they live outside. Coyotes aren't pets, but they also live outside. Everything he wants to eat or wants to eat him are called pets. Why does she need all these pests if she has me? The cat wants to know. The F.U.N. states humans have the right to keep various pets.

"So, does she beat you?" They want to know. Cat thinks about this long and hard though he knows the answer is no.

"She won't let me go outside!!! I cry and cry. She won't let me go outside!!! I sneak out the door and she brings me right back in. No, she doesn't beat me!! Yes, she feeds me. She just won't let me go outside!!"

"Where do you live?" They want to know.

"I live in the woods with coyotes."

They tell cat to put Mama Jane on the phone. The next thing he knows she's hanging up, claiming the issue has been resolved. The next thing he knows they've sent over a pit bull named Killer. He paces by the front door and looks up at cat through the window with big teeth and drooling tongue.

Now. cat doesn't want to go outside. Next project, sue the F.U.N.