The Future of the Umbrella

They say that the quickest way to detect a tourist in Seattle is to check and see if a person is carrying an umbrella. It doesn't matter if it is decorated with kitschy colors or somber and elegant tones. It doesn't even matter if it is gilded in gold or embossed with a fashionable name such as Burberry. Apparently, no self-respecting Seattelite is caught dead with one; only visitors and the elderly continue to cling to this antiquated, rain-protecting habit. And, as the entire world has seen with the onslaught of Microsoft and Starbucks, what is successful in Seattle is successful throughout the nation.

So where does this leave the umbrella?

Dating back to China over 1,700 years ago, the umbrella has long been an integral part of polite society. When not used for the utilitarian purpose of providing shelter from the pouring rain or blazing sun, the umbrella often served as a vogue accessory. No lady of fashion was seen without her parasol - including such fictional icons as Mary Poppins and Scarlett O'Hara. Like a handbag or shoes, the umbrella was often an extension of the wardrobe; women used them to flirt and to look their best.

Today, umbrellas are still used in much of the European world. England, in particular, is known for its love of all things rain-shielding. No picture of the Queen or her entourage is complete without a backdrop of umbrella-wielding ladies. One can hardly blame the Brits for clinging to this antediluvian habit; the near-constant precipitation is largely to blame. But since Seattle shares much of the climatic woes of our good friends and allies overseas, why has the umbrella become a sign of weakness and infirmity restricted only to those who don't know any better?

The answer lies in traditional American values. We don't mind getting wet.

We're a hearty stock - that's why we're here in the first place. They say the first pilgrims left England in pursuit of a land where religious freedom was a given. Never mind the rusticity of the land or the lack of amenities - we were coming to this land and nothing could stop us. This is the feeling that ran through our blood back then and that continues to run today. Whether we are descendents of those original British pilgrims or a combination of the numerous other ethnicities that comprise our great land, we all share a history of overcoming oppression and a lack of opportunities. What is a little rain to all of that? When one has sacrificed everything to create a new life, it seems terribly pathetic to just curl up under an umbrella at the first hint of a little dampness. In fact, it's just plain un-American.

So let the British have the umbrella. We already have the monopoly on dental hygiene and oversized sports vehicles. And if we find ourselves getting excessively wet, we can always duck inside the nearest Starbucks until the rain lets up.