The Future of the USA Family: A Fictional Tale

Here's a story about a lovely lady....oh, wait, that's the story about the Brady Bunch. This story is the story about the USA family, and how Mr. and Mrs. USA dug themselves a financial hole and almost lost their friends' respect and financial standing in the world. Let's see if they can recover.

Chapter 1 The USAs Lifestyle

Once upon a time, Joe USA and Jane Doe met and then married. They had very different views about lots of things, but they always worked out their differences because their relationship was important. Their family and friends saw them as a happy and stable couple.

Joe and Jane USA were a hard working couple with good jobs. Joe was a CEO for a reputable international business and Jane was a Realtor, selling upscale properties. They understood the importance of good credit, spent wisely and made sure they paid their bills on time. They lived in a trendy neighborhood they could afford, enjoyed an envious lifestyle and were highly respected by everyone they met. They went to church every Sunday, didn't air their dirty laundry except to a few close friends and donated their time and money to charitable efforts. Life was good for the USAs.

Chapter 2 The USAs Generosity

One day, Mr. and Mrs. USA heard that an old school friend of Joe's, who lived far away, had been assaulted. The USAs hopped a flight and went to help out, providing emotional support and financial help with the friend's medical costs. Their help was appreciated and in time, other friends heard about their generosity and kind hearts and began to call on them when they needed help too. The USAs never let anyone down. In time, they made helping friends part of their lot in life. After all, they led a blessed life and could afford it. They were just paying it forward.

Besides helping friends, the USAs began to also fight for certain causes. Philanthropically inclined, they sometimes tapped their investments or borrowed money to stand up for what they believed in. But they always recovered financially because their credit rating and earning power as a couple was solid.

Chapter 3 Squabbling

Over the years, the differences between Joe and Jane became magnified. They began to argue more and often became stubborn, refusing to respect each other's point of view. Joe had learned that he had made a few enemies in other countries over several business deals that had cost them money. This didn't stop the USAs from still lending a helping hand when asked or living their lavish lifestyle. Things weren't perfect, but they could still lean on good incomes, common sense and compromise.

Chapter 4 Disaster Strikes the USAs

One day the USA family house burned down, and arson was suspected. Joe thought he knew who had done this horrendous deed, and swore revenge. Joe and Jane leaned on good friends during this tragedy, and eventually the USAs rebuilt their home, but found themselves waiting for the next shoe to drop. For years, Joe spent money and energy flying to faraway lands, operating covertly as he tried to right the wrong that had befallen them. Jane was against such retaliation, but Joe wouldn't listen to her.

The real estate market changed for the worse, and Jane found her commissions dropping monthly. She believed things would get better, so she kept plugging away at it. She still got regular pedicures and salon treatments and continued to buy trendy outfits at Saks.

One day, Joe was asked to resign his high paying corporate position because the Board of Directors felt his focus on the company had taken a back seat to his personal issues. He quickly found another job, but took a 30% salary cut. He had faith in his abilities and was even more determined to kick butts over what had caused this to happen to him.

Month after month, Joe and Jane brought in less money, but they didn't change their lifestyle. In fact they spent more and fought for more causes. They flew overseas and handed out dollar bills on street corners. They ignored maintenance on their home and cars, and things started to fall apart. They applied for a credit line at their bank and were approved. The USAs were struggling for the first time in their marriage, relying more on credit than income, but they were still the golden couple.

Chapter 5 The USAs Play the Blame Game

One day, the USAs sat down in their grand dining room with their laptops. Their accountant had been warning them that they were spending too much and were being overly generous for their incomes. They poured over their online prepared financial statements and blamed each other for their high debt load.

"You should have stopped spending so much at the salon and on champagne and caviar." Joe scolded Jane.

"You should have stopped giving away so much money to your friends to reconstruct their lives and quit chasing bad guys." Jane harped on Joe.

"You shouldn't have given so many commission breaks." Joe blamed Jane, but he knew she owed favors to special interest groups who gave her business.

"If you hadn't sloughed off on the job at ABC International, you would be making money hand over fist by now. And if you were handier, we wouldn't have to pay all these repairmen to fix the broken things around this mansion." Jane couldn't help but remind Joe of his shortcomings too.

The USAs put the laptop away. Joe slept in the guest room, and they didn't speak for a week. The bickering continued, but nothing else changed.

Chapter 6 Raising the Debt Ceiling for the USAs

The couple's debt steadily increased over the next few years. They paid their bills on time, but when the limo broke down, the utility bill doubled, and the roof needed repair, the USAs paid with their credit card. When friends called Joe for help, he borrowed the cash to help out. If Jane's commissions didn't keep up with her cost of filling the tank of her Hummer, she swiped her credit card at the pump. Some months all the USAs could afford was to pay the interest on their growing debt.

One day, Joe told Jane he was going to the bank to get their credit lines increased. Jane said absolutely not. Joe confessed that if he didn't they wouldn't be able to make the house payment, car payment or pay the credit card bill. For weeks they argued. Joe spent time with buddies, lamenting over Jane's stubbornness. Jane dialed into a talk radio show to tell her side. They became guests on Dr. Phil where they aired their dirty financial laundry and Dr. Phil asked them, "How's that working for you?"

Their banker had heard Jane on the radio, and was watching the Dr. Phil show the night their show aired. For years, he had never given a thought to increasing the USA's borrowing limits, but now he was a bit concerned. Sure, they hadn't defaulted on any payments to the bank yet, but it sounded like that might change.

He watched as Joe and Jane confessed on National television how their incomes had dropped and how much money the other was blowing. He watched as they argued over the solution to their declining financial picture. He heard Joe refuse to start loaning money to his friends instead of making generous handouts. He learned that Jane was not willing to sign off on a credit limit increase, even though it might mean they couldn't pay their bills. The USAs didn't look like such great clients to their banker all of a sudden.

Chapter 7 Tardy Compromise?

Joe and Jane's marriage had become a public spectacle, but they finally struck a financial compromise. Jane cut up her credit cards and agreed that Joe could apply for a credit limit increase if he would quit helping his deadbeat friends who didn't even show their appreciation anyway. Joe agreed that he would stop fighting everyone else's battles and focus on theirs. They were still unsettled on whether they really needed to look for better paying jobs to bring in more money, since Jane felt a good belt tightening might do the trick.

Joe sat down at their banker's desk and grabbed the pen, telling him that he needed to increase their borrowing credit limits. His banker smiled and said he was expecting him after seeing them on Dr. Phil the night before. He then handed Joe paperwork that he had drawn up in preparation for Joe's visit. Joe started to sign without reading, but caught sight of the interest rate on the loan docs.

"8% interest rate? Really? After all these years of paying 6% you are going to increase my interest rate by two points now to borrow money from your bank?"

The banker smiled and nodded. "You are lucky I'm agreeing to it at all, Joe. I considered 10%, but decided to give you a break in hopes you'll get your financial house in order. Your credit score has dropped because your credit lines are all maxed." He pointed to the credit report that showed the couple's credit score at 690 instead of the 800 it once was.

"Your debt to income ratio is high. You and your wife haven't adjusted your lifestyle to your lower joint income, and it's obvious that your marriage has its issues. You haven't hit rock bottom, but your risk to this bank has clearly increased. Sorry."

Joe walked away a broken man.

Chapter 8 A View into the Crystal Ball

This chapter can't really be written yet, but let's watch as the USAs look into the proverbial crystal ball.

Joe and Jane USA visit a seedy part of their city to visit a fortune teller/psychic they had heard about. As they peek at the fuzzy images they see in the crystal ball, she explains what they mean.

From behind the crystal ball, the psychic raises an eyebrow slightly as she reports that she sees Jane doing housework while Joe grills hamburgers; that she sees them lying by the pool on a staycation instead of taking a cruise. She peers into the crystal ball intently for a few minutes and then explains that Joe's friends seem to be upset and are giving him the finger after he doesn't offer to pick up a bar tab.

"But Wait!" She says, and then looks again. She says she sees Joe working at a prestigious job with an international company again and Jane as a real estate broker, working the housing foreclosure market. She says she sees them together many years into the future, with Joe listening intently to Jane's opinion on some topic. She looks at Jane and says, "You seem to be happy, because you are smiling."

She adds that she sees them and a few friends in a circle, standing in a corn field. She describes dark clouds opening as a single sunbeam illuminates a pile of dollar bills in the center of their circle. She interprets this to predict a brighter future financially if they all work together.

Away from the fortune teller's perceptive influences, the USAs look at each other, wiser and hopeful once again. With a renewed spirit they walk hand-in-hand, headstrong as ever, resolving to respect each other's opinions more as they work toward turning things around. They have been humbled and know that their future together depends on it.

To be continued.