The Gamer: Gambling Addiction Memoir

Here's what I've heard about writing a story. Write about something with which you're familiar. This is a true story about me with a different name.

Games were part of Josie's life since childhood. Living in a foster home with several foster siblings, there were many opportunities to play Monopoly, Chinese checkers, card games like Slap Jack, War and Go Fish. Sometimes they even played "school," improvised as they went along.

Eventually Josie grew up and had a daughter of her own, and when Amanda was old enough to play, Josie had a great game-playing companion. The only thing was, Amanda hadn't inherited Mom's love of games and started turning down opportunities to play. Oh well, there was the old standby, Solitaire.

Josie was a single mom most of Amanda's life, having gotten divorced when Amanda was four years old. The divorce wasn't because Hank wouldn't play games. He did play psychologically hurtful mind games.

Many years later Josie had a boyfriend who loved playing games, too. After their first coffee date, she invited Rob over to her apartment to teach him how to play backgammon. That first date led to a relationship that lasted six years, and they did many other things besides play games, although playing was an enjoyable part of their lives. They moved on to Yahtzee to take a break from backgammon.

After a few months of dating, Josie suggested they take a trip to Las Vegas. Rob was all for it, so they went, enjoyed the gaming and each other's company. They liked Vegas so much, they started going quite frequently, usually twice a month.

Their relationship ended when Rob died of a massive heart attack. It took quite awhile for Josie to get over the loss of her love, however, it didn't interfere with her continuing to go to Vegas or Laughlin. She was hooked! Funny how she only thought about the times she won. The only time she thought about the losses were when her luck was rotten all weekend long..

Gambling became such an obsession, Josie would arrive back in town on Monday morning just in time to stop at a coffee shop to change her clothes and go to work. Having not slept the night before, she spent the day in a fog. Her job performance suffered.

Eventually, she wasn't showing up for work on Mondays and dreamed up the most ludicrous stories about why she wasn't there. Eventually she was fired from that job. What did she do? She went to Vegas the same day!

Josie was able to get a job within a short time, from which she was also fired, but not because of spending time in Vegas. One of the bosses was angry because she couldn't understand his voice while transcribing his dictation.

Gambling was her addiction, yet she hadn't reached bottom. She did have a certain ethic, which was to never spend the rent or bill-paying money. She also never saved any money. It all went to pay homage to her master. The lure of the casino was too much to resist.

During the past couple years, Josie discovered gambling for money on the Internet. Using credit cards, she didn't feel the pinch in her pockets, just high credit card balances with high interest rates. She had to stop that nonsense when her credit limits were maxed out and her personal resources became limited when she became disabled.

How does she handle her gambling addiction now? She saves her change until she has about $100 and takes it to an Indian casino where the cashier exchanges the coins for dollars. She makes sure she leaves her ATM card and checkbook at home. When she's out of money she shrugs her shoulders and leaves. Once in a great while she wins. Usually she puts the money won back into the slots. A couple weeks ago she actually walked out of the casino with more money than she brought. She was proud of herself!

She spends a lot of time playing online Internet games for tokens or points. Playing the games is still Josie's great escape from day-to-day activities. Even though she makes "to-do" lists for herself to accomplish, the game playing usually wins.

At present, Josie's goal is to cut down on the hours spent on game playing. She recognizes that it's addictive fun that has to be limited so she has time to do other things such as write, clean house, read books, spend time with friends and go for walks.