The Gift of Forgiveness

It's almost Christmas, and as we plan for the usual holiday events and family get-togethers, we sometimes forget that some of the best gifts we can give are not tangible. Yes, it's nice receiving a lovely wrapped gift under the tree, but it's not always the best gift. Electronic gadgets, clothes, gift cards, jewelry and other typical items can be enjoyable, but what about the gift of love? What about gift of compassion or the gift of forgiveness? Such gifts are truly precious in this world, so precious they make the best laptop or car meaningless if you are alone and unloved.

Christmas is a great time to take a look around at the people that have touched our lives, whether they are work mates, team mates, relatives or friends. During the year, while we struggle to make a living and venture to make the most of each day, we are sometimes affected by illness, crime and tragedy. It is during those dark times we are comforted and/or cared for by loved ones. It is also through these difficult times that we discover just who are our true friends and loved ones.

Pain, both physical and emotional, can be almost unbearable and many people try different things to deal with it. Some turn to drugs, over-work, alcohol, therapy, friends /relatives or religion. Forgiveness is not often thought of as a way to get over a hurt, but it is nonetheless something worth considering, even if its only as a way to help yourself.

Recently when I was hurt by one of my best friends, I turned to other friends for consolation. I may never get anything from them for Christmas, but their compassion, patience and advice were invaluable. To me, the gifts of their affection and love mean more than anything that can be bought, and yet all of this can only do so much if I am not ready to forgive the friend who hurt me. In fact, without forgiveness, I am not only preventing myself from fully recovering from my hurt, but I am failing to do God's will as it is written in the bible:

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you." (Eph. 4:31-32)

Hurt is unavoidable. If we want to experience love, either platonic or romantic, we risk getting hurt. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes sooner or later. When someone hurts us, we can cry, talk and do things to deal with the pain we suffer and try to move on, but without forgiveness, we will never truly heal or worse, slip into a state of repressed anger or "unforgiveness" indefinitely.

As I discovered not long ago, unforgiveness is actually a form of hatred. I was surprised to learn about this in a book I read called "Experiencing Forgiveness" by Charles Stanley. In his book he explains that an unforgiving person will either suppress their resentment or choose to retaliate on the one that did the harm (real or perceived). Such actions are not only unhealthy, but they are against God's will:

"If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matt. 6:14-15)

With this in mind, I am now praying for God to help me forgive my dearest friend. I pray often and try to remember only the good times we shared. I am realizing that by this gift of forgiveness (even though we aren't able to communicate right now) I am doing what I must as a Christian and I am already benefiting from my prayers. I am suffering less and I am enjoying a peace and closure that only God can bless me with. I have stopped crying and the anger is all but completely gone now. My mind is clearer and I can sleep better. I am more relaxed and happier too. Forgiveness really heals!

This has affected me so profoundly that I feel a need to share this advice to anyone who needs it, especially now during the holiday season. Forgiveness may be the perfect gift to give for someone, especially you. God will love and bless you for it. You can find more information on the Internet by wonderful preachers like Joyce Meyer. There are links to articles, scriptures and videos that will explain what you need to know.

Total forgiveness may not happen right away, but keep praying, and read your bible and other Christian books like the one I mentioned above. They are filled with wisdom that will help you. Turn to God and ask for his help if you are struggling to forgive. What's important to him is that you are trying to do what's right and he will answer and help you as he has helped me. This is what he wants for all of us - ALWAYS!

"Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." (Mark 11:25-26)

Merry Christmas and God Bless!