The Girl Gamer and You

Peruse the internet and you will find an enormous amount of text devoted to help gamers (guys) find gamer girls, or convert regular girls into gamers. It's understandable: a gamer girl knows how important games are and will therefore cut the guy some slack. My boyfriend and I met on a text based online role playing game a few years ago and, after realizing we lived close by, we decided to meet. This wonderfulness led to a great relationship between two people, but not necessarily great between two gamers.

Issue #1: When tastes collide.

Note: You may want to skip the following paragraph if you do not know much about video game genres. You only need to know that we don't always like the same types of games.

I like various linear (J) RPG's, tactical RPG's,action RPG's, edutainment, slow puzzles, action adventure, adventure, rhythm, and occasionally fighting and skateboarding games (don't ask me to explain that last one). He likes linear and action RPG's too, but doesn't like action adventure (byebye Zelda), adventure (sorry Monkey Island), nor does he like slow puzzles (sorry to see you go Polarium), and definitely NO rhythm games (sayonara Guitar Hero Metallica). If you're thinking "well you just wrote that you both like linear and action RPG's", that's a keen observation. But even then, there's no guarantee we'll like the same games. I like Final Fantasy I through X, he doesn't; he liked X-2 and XII, which I both can't stand. I like Kingdom Hearts, he finds it boring; he likes Breath of Fire III and Return to Norrath, they put me to sleep. Already all these issues and we haven't even talked about the genres he likes that I don't such as open world action, open (W) RPG's, and first person shooters.

These clear differences can lead to a lot of boredom and arguing - and the occasional "you have bad taste in games" statement.

Of course this can be resolved by finding common games you both like, and by forcing yourself to play games you may not like - but that you don't hate either. In my case, it means I'll tolerate a few hours of playing Champions of Norrath or even Modern Warfare 2. I'd much rather play Gears of War, one of the few recent FPS I actually enjoy, but of course that's one he doesn't like that much. Go figure.

Issue #2: When you don't have enough monitors

Sharing is caring, but what if you can't share? Many of us still play single player games, as we should, but that means someone can't share in on the fun. Watching can still be entertaining, but only if the game interests you and if the person playing isn't doing something overly boring (like grinding). At these times, the other person might be thinking "gee, I'd like to play [enter other game name] right now". This other game might be on the same console, so right there you know you're out of luck unless you happen to have two consoles that can play that game. But let's say the game is for another console. Unless you're lucky enough that the other console is connected to a different monitor, you're still going to have to wait for the other person to finish.

Thank goodness for handhelds. Since I grew up in a gaming family (myself, my brother, and my father), we constantly had issues of waiting for a console/monitor to free up and so I became more of a portable gamer than a console gamer in order to get my gaming fix. If neither of the people are avid portable gamers, it means someone has to be a PC gamer. If not, well....I guess there's always sleep, or reading.

Issue #3: You got your ass whooped

Since everybody has different tastes in games, everyone naturally has different skill levels in games. It sounds rational, but when it comes down to it, it still feels like crap when you just got your ass whooped by your loved one. As I mentioned above, I am not a big fan of FPS games, therefore I only play them when I feel I have no choice. It's no wonder that I'm not particularly good at them. I'm not horrible (I wandered into online multiplayer to compare and I've seen much, much worse players), but I'm not great either. This means I always lose about 25-8 or even 25-3 on my off days; it gets FRUSTRATING. Of course in my case I can't really make him feel bad because the types of games I'm good at don't have multiplayer so the only way I can "whoop" him is by being able to beat a boss he can't in an RPG or action game.Whoop de doo, I beat the first boss in Musashi even though he apparently couldn't and gave up on the game. Hardly the same.

While you definitely don't want to patronize your partner, if you happen to be the one who is good at a multiplayer game (shooters, fighting, sports, etc...) try to stick with co-op. Fighting one another in a game is an easy way of making sure you're going to end up fighting with each other in real life - or at the very least get the other person moody.

Issue #4: When you want to do something else

Not all gamers play the same amount per day. Some play a few minutes, others a few hours, and some wouldn't mind spending their entire day playing games. Personally I have a difficult time going more than 5 hours consecutively playing games, while he's definitely of the type to play from wake to slumber if he has the opportunity to. He'll switch games, but overall he'll be playing during most of his free time.

If this happens, there are a couple of solutions. You could find something worthy enough to convince the other to take a breather (maybe a movie? a concert perhaps? Video Games Live was pretty awesome). Other than that, the only other solution is to get used to have some me-time. If the other one doesn't want to do anything, go off and do something by yourself.

Afterword

This isn't to say that being with a gamer is always frustrating. We have loads of fun with co-op games and mmorpgs. There's nothing quite like going through an instance on WoW as a Holy Priest while he DPS (attacks) with his pally. There's also the fun of swapping strategies, sharing tips, and taking turns on single player games. Countless hours more can even be spent just chatting about hot topic video game issues like DRM, piracy, quality, etc... These are but a few of the wonderful things being with a gamer brings. Much of the time, however, it ends up with him playing on the console while I show my portable system some well-deserved love, only to be distracted by giving him the occasional back rub. Would I want to be with a guy who wasn't a gamer? No, it's wonderful. That doesn't change that sometimes things can get heated.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go play some Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword without a screen protector. I'm such a rebel.