The Glamor of Professional Photography: Who Says Shooting Weddings Isn't Glamorous?

I found out first hand the glamorous life that wedding photographer's lead, when I agreed for the first time last fall to be the photographer for a wedding. I have been shooting events and candid shots for years, most for publication, and have done a bit of work with portraits, so I said "sure." As any freelancer knows, you can always use the extra work, and money.

So, I scouted the location, met with the minister to find out the order of the service, then later in the week met with the future bride and groom on what they wanted. We went over their expectations, how the ceremony was going to go, and discussed the shots I wanted to try to get for their special event.

None of which turned out to be of any relevance.

Time spent for naught: 3 hours.

The bride was an hour late arriving at the church. The groom, over an hour. The bridesmaids and groomsmen were all on time. I played patty-cake with a two-year old to keep myself entertained. The pre-wedding shots of the two sides of the wedding party went out the window, and there wasn't going to be time after the ceremony before the reception to get those shots.

Time spent twiddling thumbs: 2 hours

And then I discovered that the entire chapel had been re-arranged for the ceremony, and lighting was going to be nearly impossible to work with, between the candelabras and spotlights that had been put up at the request of the bride. Yes, I could probably edit the pictures, and with my filters, dampen the worse of the flaring, but I would have to rely on my "keen" sense of proper timing with the shutter, since all of the conflicting light sources were going to play havoc with the light meter.

Time spent reviewing shots: 16 hours

Time spent editing: 8 hours

The bride absolutely demanded that I get some candid shots of her grandparents. Both of whom absolutely refused to cooperate, and actively blocked their faces from my lens when they saw me aiming the camera their way. Ah, but I was prepared with a telephoto lens, so I could capture the elusive grandparents from a distance.

Time spent stalking grandparents: 1 hour

The bride and groom thought the exterior of the church, with the fall foliage, would make a great shot for a picture of the two of them, following the 2 p.m. ceremony. Which didn't start until 2:30 because neither of them was on time, and the groom had to make an emergency run to a pharmacy for some blemish concealer.

I found out in the middle of the ceremony that it was going to include a baby baptism. The entire ceremony lasted 2 hours. I had contracted with them to be there from noon until 4 p.m.

T-plus 30 minutes

The sun was setting by then, putting any light square in their eyes by the time they were ready for the outdoor shots, and the wind had started blowing at about 30 miles per hour while we had all been inside. Every shot was ruined by the squinting of the groom - whose blemish was in full bloom in the middle of his forehead, the concealer completely washed away by his sweat.

T-plus 1 hour

It was 5 p.m. before I abandoned the effort outside, and now I had exactly 20 minutes to get all of the family and group shots before everyone was scheduled to leave for the reception.

The best man was nowhere to be found. The ushers were found making out in the upstairs choir loft. At 5:10, the best man wandered in looking disheveled, and smelling of whiskey. He'd gone down the street for a "quick one" while everyone was milling around.

T-plus 80 minutes

Finally, everyone is there - and there's a long string of something green hanging from the nose of the ring bearer. Tissues located, nose cleaned, wedding party done at the altar. No time remaining for the settings we had discussed around the grounds, and the family shots are still waiting.

T-plus 90 minutes

Grandma wasn't cooperative, and Grandpa was eyeing the best man enviously. No matter where I told everyone to look, and no matter how fast I ran the shutter, it didn't seem that all of them could get the idea that "look at my hand" really meant - look at my hand.

T-plus 95 minutes

The bride started complaining that they need to leave. The groom asked me to come shoot the reception for an extra couple of Franklins, and got angry when I told him he already owed me an extra hundred because we had gone over time. The baby started screaming at the top of its lungs.

T-plus 100 minutes

I agreed to shoot the reception after the bride's mother paid me in advance, since it already looked like there was going to be an argument over getting paid beyond my deposit. Then she pinched me on the bum with a wink and a nod. (For the record: The bride's father was not at the wedding, and her parents are divorced.) I thought maybe the reception could get interesting.

Time spent at the church: 5.5 hours

T-plus 155 minutes

I located the reception hall - 40 miles away. The bride and groom, who left ahead of me from the church, still hadn't arrived.

T-plus 185 minutes

The buffet opens as planned. Still no bride and groom. I headed to the buffet and bar, and had just sat down to wolf down a bit of sustenance, when the groom ambled in with a grin on his face, got the best man and maid of honor, and went back outside. I put aside my plate, and prepared myself for their entrance.

T-plus 205 minutes

Still no bride and groom. I sat back down, and ate.

T-plus 225 minutes

The bride and groom enter. I picked up the camera and hit the shutter. Nothing.

I'd left the camera on while waiting for them, and the battery was dead. And my backup was sitting in the charger - at home. I packed up my camera and took it to the car, and came back inside to talk to the bride, groom, and the mother.

Time elapsed wasting time: 3 hours

T-plus 240 minutes

I apologized to the bride and groom, and returned half the money to the bride's mother. The argument was fairly loud, until she realized I had sat in that reception hall just waiting for the bride and groom to arrive for the entire time I had agreed to be there at all.

While in the heated debate, the torrential rainstorm that had been threatening ever since the outdoor shots had been taken broke out. Filled with aggressive lightning and throwing water out of the sky at the rate of an inch an hour. I didn't look forward to the 60 mile drive home - with a headlight out, according to the nice warning ticket I was issued by a small town cop.

T-plus 355 minutes

I got home after being detoured by washed out roads.

I had to go inside to get a garbage bag to protect my equipment from the rain that was still lashing down, getting soaked twice in the process, in the 45 degree air.

Time elapsed getting core body temperature back to normal: 3 days

Who says being a photographer isn't glamorous?