The Great Hunt for the Honky Tonk Badonkadonk

There are rumors around of many monsters that have been feared extinct but that reappear. You have your Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, and even the Yeti. Now I have seen shows on Discovery Channel about the hunt for these animals. People are constantly searching for clues and evidence of these legends. I was seeking through the radio stations around here when I heard on the great scientific discussion station, KRMD, about the newest legend, the Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. Some say it doesn't exist, that it isn't even possible. I believe it was Dr. Trace Adkins who was giving a speech on this intriguing monster, and I was hooked. I had to find this Badonkadonk, tag it and take it back to the city for further scientific research. Now since there is no more Steve Irwin (RIP), I knew it was up to me to capture it. So I wrote down all the info I could find through a Google search of Badonkadon and set off on my quest.

I needed the proper attire for my hunt so I donned threads that would be welcoming to a Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. I traveled to Justin's where I was given boots, blue jeans that were three sizes too small, and a giant hat. They told me I was ready now. I needed to go to a breeding ground for these creatures. Through research I found that a local watering hole called Saddle Ridge would be my best bet if I didn't want to get shot for trespassing.

I walked into the establishment armed with nothing but my bare hands to grab and subdue the Badonkadonk. It was very awkward to be right in the middle of the Badonkadonk's environment. I could tell that I didn't fit in, and the natives of the land gave me harsh stares. Many of the natives were holding what I can only assume were brands of firewater including the natural light as well as the budweiser.I was not deterred though by the natives. I knew they were only there to protect the secret Badonkadonk hidden somewhere. I noted many strange primal markings on the walls including ancient phrases like git-r-done and these colors don't run. I do believe back in the Mesolithic era that these phrases were means of communication but must have become long extinct with the development of the human brain. There were many ripped shirts at the sleeves which I could only assume were lost in fights with the badonkadonk. One of the natives actually spoke to me and gave me some advice on animal conservation. I believe he wanted me to save a horse and ride a cowboy.I told the native I would consider this but that I was unaware that there was a shortage in horses and that they were indeed very durable.

There were hustlers shooting eight ball and some were throwing darts at the wall. Then I saw someone get slapped out of a chair. I knew this was it. There must have been fighting over the elusive Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. Then it happened. There it was. There was no mistaking it. The biggest Badonkadonk I had ever witnessed. I had heard stories but nothing could prepare me for this. I looked at my notes from Dr. Adkins and he said that the creature would have it going on, like donkey kong. I shut my mouth and kept staring. An elderly woman walked into the establishment and upon seeing the Badonkadonk a random man slapped the woman. He then said Sorry grandma and walked away. Another individual got the sheriff on the phone upon seeing the creature.

This was it. There were too many signs and coincidences to ignore this. I grabbed my Badonkadonk net and ran after the creature. I got so close to capturing it in its natural habitat. To actually having proof that the Badonkadonk that Dr. Adkins spoke so eloquently about did exist. Then it happened. The Honky Tonk Badonkadonk started moving. It began moving up and down and then side to side. I tried not to stare. I knew this was a defense mechanism of the creature but I was too late. Yes people I am here to say that I looked directly into the Badonkadonk. I was hypnotized. The perfect rhythm of the movements made me want to swing a long. I was propelled into a lost world. I began questioning the meaning of life and having hallucinations. I realized the truth. That I couldn't remove this creature from its environment. I could not blame her for what her mama gave her. I knew that I could look but I could not touch that Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.

Then I woke up. I was outside of the establishment in the back of a pick up truck. I figured must have passed out at the sight of the Badonkadonk and the kind natives were going to offer me a ride in the back of their F-350. I declined the invite and got out of the truck and went back to my car. I tuned back into KRMD, still in shock about my encounter with the creature. As I drove back I heard about another phenomenon in which women actually thought that some men's tractors were sexy. I would have to investigate this research later.