The Great Washington Saint Patrick's Day Hoop T. Doo

This looks suspiciously like more uncalled-for content, if you ask me. In any case, your partial-son-of-Erin narrator cannot keep waiting forever for a content call seeking the best St. Patrick's Day celebrations in your locality, so here he goes, without leave or lassitude.

Any potential celebrant within spitting distance of the Capitol (Something which, metaphorically, about 90% of our population considers itself to be) will want to make a note of this too-hot-to-trot celebration, forthcoming on the 17^th day of the third month in the two thousand eleventh year of our Lord, and of the republic, the two hundred thirty-fifth. Got that?

Now is about the time you should start firing up your printer, because, in a very short while, your narrator will provide you with a text-only rendition (minus the naked leprechaun lassies) of the event flyer. Do we imagine we are ready? Good, then here she be:

LIVE THE COMPLETE ST. PATRICK'S DAY EXPERIENCE

Come one, come all, and enter our

I WANNA BE ST. PADDY

Contest!

Here are the rules:

1) All contestants will be made up as monks: that is, heads shaved and put in robes and sandals

2) The contestants will be issued a wooden staff and placed in a pit of poisonous snakes

3) The contestant who drives the most snakes out of "Ireland" (the pit), will be declared "St. Paddy for the Day."

First prize is an all-expenses trip to the Howard University Hospital EMERGENCYROOM!

Second prize is a state-of-the-art first aid kit.

How do I enter? The same way you do, fool. Just show up on the front lawn at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, at the appointed hour and you're good to go!

IMPORTANT NOTE : Due to the anticipated overcrowding of beer-swilling pretend micks in the vestibule, we are asking that the Low Self-Esteem Support Group, meeting that evening, use the back entrance by the loading dock.

POSSIBLY EVEN MORE IMPORTANT NOTE : This announcement is entirely spurious. That is a legalistic way of saying, if you show up at this address, uninvited, you may be treated to an enthusiastic cavity search. Better see your dentist beforehand!

Erin go bragh!