The Harm in Secret Relationships

It's happening everyday, in every age group. Even some married people do it. It's called secret dating, and it is very serious and dangerous. Why do people do this, what's the harm in it, and how can these individuals turn around from it?

People engage in secret dating because there is someone who would not approve of it. It could be a child who is secretly dating because they know their parents would not approve; or it could be a husband who is doing it because, well, he has a wife who he has promised to be faithful in every way. Sometimes a marriage mate does it because they feel they are lacking something in the marriage, perhaps emotional support. Or a child may do it because they don't want to be "different" from their peers who are all dating.

Indeed, the pressures of this world are so very strong on everyone that you can end up doubting your own stand on the matter. You can begin to doubt your stand when it comes to your marriage vows! You are in a scary, sticky situation! Even the phrase "secret dating" is scary, because it implies much deception. And that is just what this thing you are doing is. Lasting and real relationships are built on trust, and cannot last if you are keeping your so-called "love" for one another secret. And it totally betrays the trust of everyone you are keeping it a secret from.

What's the harm in secretly dating someone, secretly spending time with, secretly focusing your romantic interest on them? There are many dangers, and to name just a couple of them: Your course can lead to treacherous things. Dating someone without the intention of the relationship lasting, without marriage, is going to make you and the person you are secretly dating sick. It is mentally and emotionally damaging. It will also damage the relationship(s) of the person(s) you are hiding it from, especially if you are in a marriage and are hiding it from your marriage mate. And what's more, once you are emotionally and mentally drained from hiding it, you are more prone to fall into what the Young People Ask, Answers That Work book published by Jehovah's Witnesses calls "the trap of sexual immorality". When this happens, a marriage will most definitely in most cases fall apart. Things are pretty much beyond repair.

So how can you turn around from this course of secret dating before it is too late? One thing you need to do is to tell the person(s) you have been hiding it from what you have been doing. Since it is not too late, they will appreciate your being honest and your desire to repair your relationship before it is too late. They may be disappointed in you, but it is better than letting it go on and everything ending for you. Don't worry about permanently ruining your friendship with the ones you have been hiding it from: they can really help you and you will feel good in getting it off your chest!

And breaking up is not easy. You do not want to hurt the person you have been secretly dating, either, but you must make it clear why the relationship cannot continue. If they are reasonable, they will understand. It's time to look at the bigger picture in life!