The (Healing) Power of Forgiveness

When I was younger I was famous for holding a grudge. Just who influenced my character in this respect I've long since forgotten, but the power of forgiveness was not something I could easily wield. Years later I learned that the power of forgiveness can actually affect you physically and emotionally: I'd have to say that 99% of whatever grudges I ever held were meaningless - just a total waste of positive energy that I could be using for something a lot more constructive. I'm still coming to grips with that other 1% of forgiving, but in the meantime I sure feel a lot better.

In fact, Fred Luskin, PhD, director of Stanford University's Forgiveness Project and author of Forgive for Good, feels that "...

letting go of a grudge can slash one's stress level by up to 50 percent..."

Luskin - whose research is discussed in a recent Reader's Digest article states that when a person is in a "crisis mode" their bodies release the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol, which prompts the heart to accelerate, breath to quicken and the mind to race. An accompanying sugar release revs up muscles, and clotting factors surge in the blood. The "rush" is harmless if the scare is brief (like slamming on your brakes to avoid a collision). But anger and resentment can turn these same hormones into deadly toxins.

According to the Luskin, "...

Cortisol's depressive effect on the immune system has been linked to serious disorders. Cortisol wears down the brain, leading to cell atrophy and memory loss. It also raises blood pressure and blood sugar, hardening arteries and leading to heart disease..."

The counter-point to stress? Forgiveness. The old saying "Put it behind you" carries a lot of truth to it, but the frustrating thing about forgiveness is that although the power of forgiving may take a weight off the shoulders of the "forgiver," the person being forgiven usually has little or no clue they did something wrong! So maybe if I still can't forgive some things at least I can accept them as having happened, learn from the experience and try to put it behind me.

An article on healthline.com points out that "...

Forgiveness is never about the other person. It's all about you and your decision to live a less painful and more liberated life..."

In other words, the power of forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting what was done to you, but it does mean completely letting go of the hurt someone has caused you, because you have decided to do so. Which leads me to another point: little things are easy to forgive. Big things are not. Or maybe it's just that you have to try a heck of a lot harder to forgive something big. An article on Briomag.com discusses the power of forgiveness - or rather the healing power of forgiveness - and explains a few things that forgiveness "is" and is not:

Forgiveness is NOT:

- Masking the pain: Recognize that you have been hurt in some way and look for way s to deal with the pain rather than deny the emotion.

- Not an emotion: Forgiveness is not a panacea to be used only to make you feel better. Why you choose to forgive and the resultant liberation is what impacts you both physically and emotionally.

- Not necessarily reconciliation: Forgiving is not about the other person saying "I'm sorry." It's about you having control over the situation.

Forgiveness IS:

- A Process: There is no timeline for forgiveness. Forgiving could take a day or perhaps years.

- A Decision: The power of forgiveness begins with a self-directed first step

- A desire to reconcile (even if it's only with yourself): You may never get an "I'm sorry" in return, but it doesn't matter. What's important is that you have taken the reigns by making a conscious effort to put a negative experience behind you.

To be sure, forgiveness is a learned process. We learn to say "I'm sorry" and that lesson either stays with us or it doesn't. Same goes for forgiving. Many times it's easier said than done, but all you have to do is learn from your mistakes, put them in your past, and move on. That is the healing power of forgiveness.