The Hills, Final Season: Episode 3 Re-cap

Looks like Lauren Conrad got out of the MTV show, The Hills, just in time; the final episode is shaping up to be an absolute train wreck. After watching episode three of the final season of The Hills, I'm left with one glaring question -- is Spencer Pratt officially, certifiably crazy? Is he a cult member? Seriously. I've been wondering this ever since he came onto the scene as Heidi Montag's boyfriend, but to date, he has gotten even crazier than his initial antics would have alluded to.

I often wonder if The Hills is just an elaborate ruse, a cosmic joke on America masterfully designed by the folks at MTV. Are these people on The Hills really this nuts, really this vapid, really this selfish? Alas, I know that MTV probably has not stayed up burning the midnight oil to come up with a seven season April Fools joke on us, but it sure does ease my mind to think of it that way, rather than accepting that Heidi, Spencer, Kristin, Audrina, Brody, and the lot are real (real meant in the loosest possible way) representations of LA personalities.

Okay, enough of my philosophical pondering on The Hills, on with the drama...

Episode three of The Hills begins with Heidi's planning of little Enzo's birthday party; which looks to be the only social activity Heidi and Spencer have engaged in for quite some time. The party proves to be, once again, a stage for yet another Spencer freak out; which you'll note, only ever seems to happen with women. Spencer proceeds to publicly and vulgarly insult Heidi's mom for disapproving of Heidi's recent extensive plastic surgery overhaul. When Heidi's sister Holly defends their mom, Heidi chimes in expressing agreement with Spencer.

As the rest of The Hills' cast trade questions and jokes about the absurdity of Heidi and Spencer's behavior, the show's typical petty romantic dramas unfold.

Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera decide to have the talk to make their relationship officially exclusive; meanwhile Brody Jenner still has an eye for Audrina and would like to see Ryan hit the road.

Kristin Cavallari is missing her counterpart, Justin, who has gone mysteriously AWOL - what will he have to say when he returns to find that Audrina is now with Ryan? But Kristin doesn't seem to care too much that Justin isn't around (out of sight out of mind?) because she has been trying to get ex boyfriend Brody back, to no avail. Kristin's charms seem to have worn thin on the LA men; it may be time to move, I think she has dated all the men in LA.

Oh, and let's not forget about Lo and Stephanie Pratt; they haven't exactly been sitting home reading Dickens while all this has been going on. Kristin is convinced, largely due to Brody's insistence, that Lo and Stephanie are the ones spreading the rumors that she's a drug addict, so Kristin's has lunch with Stephanie and gives her what for.

So, now with all the episode three drama told, it looks like next week is shaping up to be a wild ride. Perhaps Heidi and Spencer will parade around LA wearing nothing but their beloved crystals.

Tune in this coming Monday to see what Speidi will do next.

To watch previous episodes of the MTV hit show, The Hills, click here.