The Horrible Decision: Choosing to End Your Pet's Life

1986 was not a good year for me. My dad passed away from Lou Gerhig's disease (ALS) at the age of 50. I was only 16. A fragile time in my life, I needed therapy badly. My therapy came in the form of a furry little ball. He fit in the palm of my hand at the time of his birth. His mother was just a mean-old stray in the neighborhood. Luckily, my neighbor took her in after she gave birth to 14 puppies. For some reason, only the one caught my eye and stole my heart. After begging my mom for several weeks to let me keep him, she finally gave in. She may have regretted her decision, but I don't. Without my Carmel, I would not have survived the year.

He grew up to be a little terror! Chewing everything and digging up the yard - Mom stayed mad at him most of the time. We came under fire from neighbors for keeping him outside, but I can only imagine the damage he would have done to the inside! It was a struggle to keep him in our yard from the start. The first time he dug out of our yard and into our neighbor's, he chose the worst spot! It was full of cactus! He soon discovered that was not the place to get out after we had to pull the spines out of his nose. Time after time he'd escape the yard and luckily, we always found him.

At the lowest time in my life, he was my best friend. Days spent at school in a fog, surrounded by friends who didn't understand why I couldn't just "get over it", I'd come home to his kisses and hugs. My tears spilled onto his coat and he'd snuggle up to comfort me. The tears I cry now are for Carmel, not for my dad. (Although I do have my days.)

As the years passed, Carmel became the most devoted pet I've ever owned. Quick to protect me from anyone or anything. He had a love for me I'll never completely understand. He passed his love for me on to my children as well. Letting them crawl all over him, tug at him, pull at his ears, he loved them dearly.

When his strength began to fade, I tried to ignore it. Giving him vitamins and feeding him treats, keeping him indoors to keep him comfortable. I did everything I could to keep him with me forever. His body just wouldn't allow it. In 1999, when he was almost 13 years old, he laid down and didn't get back up. His spirit and love for me wouldn't let him go, though. For three days he laid on our bathroom floor. I'd feed him, water him, brush him and keep him clean. I sat craddling him and crying. I knew it was not fair to him to keep him holding on. With the love and support from my husband, I had to make the decision to put him down. My vet knew it was the most difficult decision I'd ever made. He was very compassionate with me. He made sure I understood that I was making the right decision. Carmel was suffering and I just couldn't allow it to go on.

Carmel wasn't the only dog I had to make this decision for. In 1994, we bought a Shetland Sheepdog. Aspen was the most beautiful dog. A perfect companion for our family. He was always loyal and obedient - the perfect house dog. Although he didn't have to see any of us through horrible times like Carmel did, Aspen was part of our family. A huge part.

We knew age was catching up with him - he had trouble seeing, hearing and moving around. He was becoming very grumpy. In June of 2006, he became very ill. He couldn't keep food down at all and finally lost control of his bowels. Again, the horrible decision had to be made. This time, our 10 year old son and 17 year old daughter had a larger part in it. We made sure they understood the finality of it. We wanted them to understand that we didn't want Aspen to continue suffering. We wanted to teach them compassion and selflessness. As much as we wanted to keep him, we knew he had to go.

That morning, I sat with Aspen, holding him, crying and telling him how much we all loved him. I could feel the pain that was wracking through his body and knew we had to put him to sleep. My son and I were the ones to take him to the vet. Sure enough, the vet said his kidney's were shutting down. There was nothing we could do but to ease his pain.

Sharing life with animals, especially dogs for me, is a fantastic adventure. I never know what they will do next. I never know when I will need them there to love me unconditionally or to protect me from danger. The hardest part of loving a dog, is losing a dog. Whether they go naturally or with help, it's a pain that cannot be matched. Even after losing so many of my loved ones - my grandparents, my dad, my cousin and even friends. The pain from losing Carmel and Aspen is still very real and still with me today. Losing a pet, one that has shared a house, a bed, even food, with you for so many wonderful years, really changes your life. At times, it makes me shy away from dogs, not wanting to love anymore because I don't want to feel the pain. But, then I realize that life is full of all kinds of pain and losses. It's best when shared with all of my loved ones, including pets. To be afraid of love is a sad thing. Knowing that my life has been enriched because of my dogs keeps me going. I have three more dogs and a cat. I have the fear and dread in me of having to face the day I lose them. I also have the love and joy they provide.

As selfish as I can be, wanting the dogs to love and protect me. To be there for me. The most unselfish act I can do is to know when to let my dogs go to the Rainbow Bridge.