The Hostel Blues

Everybody who has ever traveled on a budget or enjoys the atmosphere of the 'backpacker's life' knows them: the hostels. This cheaper version of a hotel comes in all sizes and shapes, from blatantly gross to extremely tidy, from an anything goes ambiance to ridiculously regulated with curfew. Not knowing what to expect makes this way of traveling all the more exciting. Besides that, they're the ideal way to meet travel companions, like-minded allies, fellow barflies or the occasional temporary bed partner. And if all else fails, they'll always provide the necessary anecdotes to spice up your travel stories.

Besides the snoring roommate, there are plenty of traps you can run into as a newcomer to the whole hostel scene. What follows is a shortlist of true stories, mostly (but not only) based on my own past experiences.

The first night.

It often happens that you spend all day on a long and hot bus journey, only to arrive in a complete unknown village or city after sunset. As your guidebook isn't always up-to-date, the place you chose to spend your first night at seems to have moved, changed phone number or simply ceased to exist. Tired of carrying your overweight backpack around, you decide to go with the very first place that has a vacancy. Everybody knows it makes more sense to wait for the next day to look for a more appropriate spot as daylight can be helpful.

After a refreshing shower, it suddenly seems like a good idea to check out that new funky little tequila bar everybody keeps talking about. A few hours later, you realize that the cab driver dropped you right in front of the bar, but you've got no clue what the name or address of your hostel is. Aimlessly wandering around in a dark and unknown city is always fun in the middle of the night, especially in a South-American capitol with a less than average reputation.

So whatever you do, before you leave your hostel, make sure you've got a business card, address or at least a phone number of the place you're staying at.

Showers.

Especially in cheaper places, a shower tends to be nothing more than a garden hose with ice-cold water (if there's water to begin with). The communal showers are sometimes at the end of the hallway, on another floor or in a deserted little outdoors hatch across a muddy pitch. Wherever they are situated or whatever the quality might be, you can always count on one thing: the awareness that you forgot your towel always comes 5 seconds after turning on the water.

Bunk beds.

Basically every backpacker's nightmare is to be appointed the top bunk in a dorm room. When the beds are only 2 high, you might be lucky (but this is by no means guaranteed). The real fun starts when they're 3 or even 4 high (as happened to me in a hostel in Salvador De Bahia, Brazil). If there's a ladder available, it most of the time consists of small wooden planks that make every step feel like you're walking on a bed of nails and it will always be hanging loose on the side of the bed. When you've finally reached your bed, it takes Lara Croft like skills to swing into it, all the time hoping your timing is wright as the slightest miscalculation will find you falling down again or crashing into the way too low ceiling.

And this is only the beginning. Once you've managed your way into your bed, you'll find that every single movement will cause the whole construction to start moving and it's only a matter of time before it will tumble down. Your mattress (and yes, I use the term loosely) is only supported by some sort of cardboard floor, which causes constant fear of falling down or having your upstairs neighbor paying you an unexpected nightly visit.

After a night out, the whole scenario gets even a lot worse, as your toilet visits increase dramatically and you need to repeat the whole routine 3 to 5 times a night, much to the appreciation of your roommates who need to catch the early bus at 5 in the morning.

And then there are the occasional surprises no guidebooks ever tell you about. Like this one girl who insisted on sleeping naked and as such climbed the little ladder at approximately 10 cm. away from my nose. Or the couple that didn't really mind the lack of privacy nor the general hostel etiquette and put on a show for whoever was interested.

Toilets.

One of the charms of traveling is discovering the local food and drinks. The romance of eating from street stalls sometimes makes you forget that your western stomach might have a problem with raw vegetables, washed in the local river or with the firewater brewed from crushed insects. To make things worse, the isolation of the toilets in hostels is pretty much non-existent so your fellow travelers can fully enjoy your visits to the can after 2 of those delicious ice creams. This often results in a standing ovation from the whole room as soon as you get out of the bathroom.

As a final note, I just have to mention the warning sign in a hostel in Zipolite, Mexico: 'We do not allow children because we have dogs that bite children'. Well, you can't sou you weren't warned.