The Human Anatomy, Part III: It Takes a Lot of Nerve

According to Encyclopedia Britannica Online (http://www.britannica.com/eb/article-9110703/nervous-system), the nervous system is an "organized group of cells specialized for the conduction of electrochemical stimuli from sensory receptors through a network to the site at which a response occurs."

I'm pretty sure that right now you are asking: "What the hell does all that mean?"

I can answer that in three simple words: I don't know.

But what I do know is that without nerves we humans would not get to experience the excruciating "You ever touch me again and I'll kill you!" pain of childbirth (women) or the knee-bending, vomit-inducing agony of testicular impact (men), better known as "a kick in the nuts."

I hear you again: "So then what the hell good are nerves anyway?"

For that I have just one word: ORGASMS. I suppose there are other things nerves are good for, but right now I can't think of any.

If you have never had an orgasm, I can only assume one thing: you are a woman. From what I understand, there are a number of you ladies out there who have such trouble achieving "the Big O" that you actually have to fake it just so fatso will feel good about himself. Having to fake it isn't easy for us dimwitted males to understand since we merely have to be breathing to reach the Promised Land.

But I digress. Anyway, as I have throughout this series, I have done some research so that you wouldn't have to. So now, in an effort to educate, here, in no particular order, are ten things about the nervous system that I didn't used to know squat about:

1. Without a nervous system, we humans would not be able to function. The nervous system carries messages from the brain to the body and vice versa. Minus these messages, our bones, muscles, and organs would be rendered useless and we'd all have to retire to Florida.

2. Nerves allow us to feel the pain of childbirth and the pleasure of orgasms by sending messages from the body to the brain, like "Holy crap, that hurts so bad!" or "Holy crap, that hurts so good!"

3. The human nervous system is made up of two parts: The central nervous system (CNS) and the peripheral nervous system. Please note: The central nervous system may be referred to as the pacific nervous system (PNS), the mountain nervous system (MNS), or the eastern nervous system (ENS), depending on the time zone in which you reside.

4. The CNS consists of the brain and spinal cord. It receives information from the rest of the body. For instance, if you were to sever your right index finger completely off with a skill saw, the CNS would receive a message from your right index stump along the lines of, "Hey dumb-ass! You might want to consider sifting through the sawdust and finding your finger, and then hurrying your ass to the emergency room and maybe, just maybe, you won't have to pick your nose with your ring finger the rest of your life!" Or something like that.

5. The peripheral nervous system is made up of all of the nerves in the human body and sends messages carried by neurons from the brain to the body. Using the severed index finger example, the message from the brain to the stump might be something like, "Copy that, Stump." And to the feet: "Find an E.R. Stat!"

6. Unlike other human tissue, nerves cannot be repaired once they are damaged. They can, however, be drugged on a regular basis, which isn't such a bad thing.

7. Facial nerves control, among other things, facial expressions. Next time you smile at a most inappropriate time-for instance, while kneeling at a casket during a funeral-simply say, "My facial nerves made me do it."

8. There are 12 cranial nerves. There are 12 days of Christmas. Coincidence? Probably.

9. Thoracic nerves sound like they may have something to do with dinosaurs. They don't.

10. According to Wikipedia.com (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pudendal_nerve), "The pudendal nerve innervates the penis and clitoris" and is somewhat responsible for "most of the feelings of orgasm in both sexes." That is why the pudendal nerve is officially my favorite nerve.

So what have we learned? We've learned that the nervous system is damn important; it pretty much controls everything that we do. Kind of like the federal government.

Coming soon! Part IV of The Human Anatomy when we will take a look at organs.

References:
Innerbody.com Human Anatomy Online: http://www.innerbody.com/image/musfov.html
Thinkquest.org: http://library.thinkquest.org/5777/ner1.htm