The Human Anatomy, Part V: Let's Get it On

OK, now that we've looked at bones, muscles, nerves, and organs, it's time to leave Boringsville and get to the good stuff. The male and female reproductive systems are fascinating not only because they allow us humans to procreate, but also because they are damn fun to use. Sure, the main purpose of our reproductive systems is to guarantee that we fabulous humans continue to inhabit and slowly destroy the earth; but the act of reproducing is so darn pleasurable that we have figured out lots of ways to enjoy the ride minus the worry of having a bunch of little brats ruining our lives. But even with birth control confounding the process, there are over 6 billion of us inhabiting this poor planet. That can only mean one thing: We humans sure do love to get it on!

So in honor of our international pastime, let's take a look at the male and female reproductive systems. There are all kinds of neat parts to our reproductive systems and here are my ten favorites:

1. The vagina has to be number one. It is the one part of the female anatomy by which we dimwitted males are totally mesmerized. It is mysterious and fascinating and maintains a hold on us. It is the reason we give up Monday Night Football in exchange for dinner and a chick flick. As has been said many times, we men spend the first nine months of our existence trying to get out and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

2. The penis slides in at number two. Unlike its female counterpart, there is no mystery here. When Little Elvis is ready, everybody knows!

3. Sometimes referred to as boobs, melons, Winnebagos, or simply "rack" (as in, "Nice rack!"), female breasts play an important role in human reproduction. Mammary glands produce milk, which is secreted through the nipples following pregnancy thus providing nourishment for the baby, and blah, blah, blah. They are also loads of fun!

4. The testicles are comprised of the scrotum and its contents, which are the testes. Easily the most sensitive part of the male anatomy, the testes (or balls) hurt like hell when crushed by the knee of an irate woman.

5. The vulva is the external portion of the vagina. It also sounds like the name of a car, but isn't. It is, however, the area in which that crazy, mysterious, confounding "little man in the boat" resides.

6. A fertilized egg embeds itself in the walls of the uterus where it remains and grows into a fetus. Once the fetus is deemed ripe enough to endure the rigors of travel, a stork is assigned the job of delivering the baby to its rightful owner.

7. The lower part of the uterus is called the cervix. Some witty gynecologists have been known to ease the tension of a vaginal exam with the line, "At your cervix!"

8. The vas deferens is the tube that transports sperm. It is also the poor sucker that gets snipped and tied off during the vasectomy you will have to get if you ever hope to have sex with your wife again.

9. Two fallopian tubes are connected to the uterus and are where egg fertilization takes place. Millions of sperm swim into the tubes in search of an egg. Think of it as nature's own little gangbang.

10. Last but not least, the vagina again, because once is never enough.

So there you have it folks, the ins-and-outs of human reproduction. It's pretty amazing, isn't it? I mean, the male stuff goes in here and mixes with the female stuff over there and in about nine months a little souvenir comes out there.

Or as they say in the computer business, "garbage in, garbage out."

Thus concludes the five part series, The Human Anatomy. The author is not in any way responsible for inaccuracies of the content in this series because he is, in fact, a blooming idiot.

Reference:
Innerbody.com at: http://www.innerbody.com/