The Hunter's Bear

Bob the Hunter was going hunting one Sunday afternoon, as he always did. Of course, he could never kill anything, so the trees would witness unending foul language. One day, he saw a little teddy bear sitting in the forest and thought, "I'll hurt the feelings of whatever little kid this belongs to by shooting their new teddy bear in the head and ripping out all the stuffing." So he shot the teddy bear in the forehead, and it to be grew five-feet tall.

"Interesting," he thought. He did it five more times right after another, but on the fifth time the bear didn't stop growing until it was 2000 feet tall.

ROOOOOAR!

Bob looked up, and saw that the teddy bear was alive!

Bob went into hiding for a few months, but eventually forgot what he was doing so he just began eating Hershey's chocolate and watching Pokémon, but one day he remembered the teddy bear.

He went to the elder of his town for help.

"Let the thing catch you and light yourself on fire, dammit! You'll light it on fire too, you moron," was the advice of the elder. "Everyone knows teddy bears are allergic to fire!"

So Bob brought a five gallon bucket of gasoline with him and a match. But his match broke so he went home to retrieve a lighter. He poured the gasoline all over himself when he found the teddy bear. The bear picked him up and put Bob in it's mouth.

Bob lit the match and *whoosh* he lit on fire! So did the bear! The bear sizzled to a crisp, but so did Bob. Bob died. Yup, he did. People cried, but forgot about him the next day. The elder and his family were cursed for all eternity because he didn't tell Bob that all he had to do was sing to the bear and it would pop, and that would've saved Bob. But you know, these things happen!