The Importance of the Sibling Relationship

In our busy world of work, after school activities and play dates we can raise our children to be well rounded individuals who have a lot to offer the world but children may be so busy that they do not get a chance to find friendship in the only people who will be with them throughout their life.

It seems so obvious yet so many parents spend more time shuttling their children to different play dates and activities so they can come home at the end of the day grouchy enough to spend the next couple of hours fighting incessantly with their siblings until retiring to bed in their own rooms. The weekends are not much different than the weekdays as the day of rest has become a thing of the past. Toddlers have a busy social schedule these days as parents join mommy groups and other social groups to ensure their children have the much needed social skills that we often hear sociopaths and outcasts are lacking. Even if there are several other children close in age in the same house, parents feel the need to fill their social calendar with play dates and activities.

I'm not denying that kids need friends or skills learned at many of the activities they enjoy so much but I do believe that parents need not overlook nurturing the sibling relationship that many adults I know today live without. I've met many adults over the years who have a torn, broken relationship with their own siblings. Many people hate their own brother or sister. During a death of an elderly parent when the estate is broken up is when the real viciousness comes out. Many times it severs the relationship for good.

It seems like such a shame to see adults who shared their childhoods, parents, and memories to be without one another. I'm sure the parents never set out or intended that to be the case when they had their children. Parents want to believe that when they are dead and gone their adult children will sit around reminiscing about how great their parents were, all the while caring for one another right where the parents left off. If this is to be the case then parents will need to ensure that bond start at the beginning and not be lost along the much traveled road of life.

Making time everyday for children to spend time with each other should be a priority. If children can get past their different personalities, age differences and own agenda they can learn to enjoy each other's company. Even kids can learn how to work out differences and to pick their battles. Children who are left to the business of being a child will play with almost anyone available to them. Boredom often lends itself to imagination. Being outdoors can also bring siblings closer together when their not inside fighting over toys and belongings. Exploring outside and learning to trust and depend on each other when they find a bug or need help climbing a hill can be an incredible learning experience for the brave, the strong, the weak, and the timid. Learning your own strength and weaknesses are an important lesson in life.

There are times when having your sibling to spend time with is the only option anyway. Traveling with kids can certainly bring out the ugliest of behaviors as loosing sleep and being in a confined place like a car or hotel can cause many fights. But once they get over it and begin to focus on the point of the travel they can have a much more enjoyable time when they realize they have a friend there to spend time with. It goes without saying that when parents find their children playing together, giving the parents a break, their may be a feeling a peace. That peace may be felt on other family outings and functions that are for family only.

When children reach their teen years, they certainly put their friends above all else including family but not all is lost for good. Allow kids to nurture their friendships while protecting their relationship with their siblings by making a rule about a family night. One night on the weekend is for the family only - no friends allowed. Let the kids come up with a favorite restaurant or outing. Take them somewhere, where they will need their sibling for support like when they try a new activity they haven't done before. Having another young person to depend on for support can help put aside differences.

Have a respect rule where they are not allowed to be disrespectful to each other ever. Calling names and saying hurtful things can break a heart and even though they may eventually forgive, they are not likely to forget. Nip passive aggressive behavior in the bud as well. Leaving each other out is a common trick to hurt without being direct about what's bothering them. Sitting down to a family meal and having a conversation where everyone gets a chance to express themselves without interruption will help foster mature conversation between family members.

Sharing a room may seem out of the question if you have plenty of room for each person to have their own room but consider the nights when your child may need someone to talk to and if they are alone in their room then they may fall asleep and keep their troubles to themselves. If siblings share a room then they are much likely to open up to each other at night when everyone's guard is down and they are feeling more vulnerable.

Have fun like a play date or sleepover. Do things together that would want to do with their friends. Take pictures and make sure everyone gets a good laugh in.

Talk to each child about the great things you love about their sibling. There's probably many things they don't even realize that makes having that person around a great thing. Maybe they are always sharing their toys or clothes, maybe they are really great at sports or art and can teach the other child, maybe they are very affectionate and love to cuddle. Do it for each child when they are feeling frustrated with the other one.

Someday your children will only have each other when all their friends have moved away or started their own busy lives and when you are long gone. You will rest much better knowing that they have each other for love and support when the hard times hit like they always do.