The Impossible is Possible: How to Deal with Difficult People

At some time or another in your life, you have, no doubt, encountered an individual with whom you just could not see eye to eye. When this person is a relative, a friend, or a colleague, you often have no choice but to interact with this person.

For the purposes of this article, let's create a definition of what a difficult person is - he or she is generally self absorbed, has low self esteem, and becomes very defensive when met with disagreements or criticism. This can cause the person to lash out in anger, sometimes being very insulting and unnecessarily critical of you or others. The person may also use you as a springboard for criticisms of other people and often will be prone to gossip. This type of person can be particularly difficult to deal with if they are in a position of power, such as a parent, other relative, or boss.

Also, remember, the person may have psychological issues to deal with, but, as a word of caution - do not make assumptions about this. Clinical decisions about a person's mental health should be left to a mental health professional.

If you find yourself interacting with someone who is difficult, here are five tips to help you cope with the difficult person and effectively handle your interactions. Keep in mind that this is not an exhaustive list - these are simply guidelines. You may need to tailor the tips below to the needs of your specific person.

1 - First and foremost, consider whether or not your reaction is reasonable. Ask the person if you can agree to disagree. If the person is downright antagonistic and insulting, however, this may be difficult, and will likely not be able to agree to disagree. See tip number 4 for more help with situations such as this. Also, though it may be hard to accept, you will also want to consider whether or not you are a difficult person as well. Being conscious of your own demeanor will help you deal with others.

2 - Next, consider this person's role in your life. If he or she winds up being someone with whom interaction is not necessary, consider eliminating the person from your life. Your time is precious, as is your self esteem, and it is important to keep toxic people at a distance.

3 - If this person is someone with whom you must interact, such as is the case with a colleague at work or a relative, consider how you approach your interactions. Remember that you will need to keep your relationship with this person on an amicable level, because you will have to interact with him or her in some capacity on a regular basis. Don't be antagonistic or defensive. Test the water a bit; see how much he or she will let you assert yourself. Consult tip #1 as well - try to ask the person if you can agree to disagree.

4 - If you cannot agree to disagree, keep all of your future conversations on a superficial level while remaining tactful. If this is a boss, keep your conversations strictly related to your work related tasks and keep your personal life to yourself. If this is a relative, try to keep the focus of the conversation off of you, and break away from it as soon as possible. When you get to the point where you really need to break away from the conversation, try saying, "It was wonderful chatting with you, but I really have to [fill in the blank here]." This keeps your sanity intact while getting you out of an uncomfortable conversation.

5 - Finally, if it gets to the point where you feel broken down by the person and are questioning whether or not you handled the situation right, remember - it's not about you. The person is being difficult with you because he or she is insecure about some aspect of his or her life - whether it's their status or appearance or personality. It is important to remember this so that you can keep your own self esteem intact while dealing with this person.