The Ins and Outs of Interracial Dating

Inter racial dating is a very touchy subject even to this day in America. Some people completely accept it, others acknowledge it but don't condone it and some are completely against it. In 1930, it became illegal to film black and white miscegenation and in fact, interracial dating was illegal in America up until 1967, when the landmark Supreme Court decision in Loving v. Virginia overturned all laws banning interracial dating and subsequently interracial marriage. Prior to this court case, "miscegenation" laws such as the Racial Integrity Act of 1924 existed that prohibited other races from dating, marrying or having sexual relations with whites. Since 1967, America has come a long way from its past aggressions towards people who "mixed races" but there is still a long way to go.

Prior to the abolishing of slavery in the 1860's, a slave or any minority for that matter who was accused of having relations with a white woman, would usually meet an early death via lynching. It was common for slaves to be killed for approaching white females or for being accused of such. They would have no chance to defend themselves or tell their side of the story as they were considered guilty as charged. After slavery ended, this practice remained the same. Both antebellum and postbellum alike, it was frowned upon for white males to have relations with black females as well, although the practice widely occurred but was generally considered a dirty little secret of the south. During the Jim Crow era, it wasn't uncommon for a black male to be hunted down and beaten to death or lynched by mobs of angry whites for any behavior construed as an attempt to associate with white females whether it be actual relations with them, cat calls, or simply conversating with them. In fact, famously in 1955, a 14 year old child by the name of Emmett Till was brutally and savagely beaten to death and tossed into the Mississippi river by two white men for reportedly whistling at a white woman while in town. This case garnered a huge amount of press attention and helped initiate the civil rights movement.

Because of my multiple experiences with interracial dating, I have a very good understanding of how successful it can be as well as its advantages and disadvantages in relation to societal advancement or overall happiness. Also as I have stated before, I have met resistance against interracial dating from both the black and white community and have first hand knowledge of how each respective community feels about interracial dating. I firmly believe that one shouldn't deny themselves happiness based solely on ones race or limit their quest for companionship based solely on that factor either. Race should be the least determinant factor in choosing who to be with but unfortunately the majority of society disagrees with me whether they will openly admit it or not.

As both a human being in general as well as a person of both black and white ancestry, I feel as if I should have the ability to date who I choose but not everyone sees it that way. For instance, whenever I would date a white woman, I would receive considerable backlash from the black community for my decision to date someone who isn't black. I find it quite ironic that a lot of black refuse to accept me as black yet expect me to date exclusively within the black race. How is it that I'm not black, but if I date someone who isn't black as well, I am automatically a traitor to my "race", even though I'm generally not considered a member of that race? This seems more or less an argument of simultaneous hypocrisy and convenience on the part of the black community. All too often, black women who see me with my current girlfriend, who is white, give her and I dirty looks, or whisper something under their breathe about us. While growing up I was a frequent victim of ridicule for my decision to date people of all colors, creeds, and cultures. At times I was ostracized from the black community for my decisions yet I continued to act upon what I believed in.

Additionally, I received similar, if not harsher criticism and backlash from the white community for my decision to date as I felt fit. A lot of whites would openly tell me that what I was doing was wrong, a sin, or an abomination. I would receive threats from people and would be involved in plenty of physical confrontations. More importantly, my girlfriends' families' inability to accept our relationships because we were of different cultures was often times the origin of a lot of my heart aches through out my childhood and adolescence and even adulthood. Of the females I have dated who were outside of my race, roughly 75% of my relationships with them were either forcefully ended by their parents or ended by them due to their parents' or families imminent response to our relationships. This continued into adulthood and I can't even recall the number of times I have prematurely had a relationship ended on the premise of race whether it be the black community's inability to accept it or the white community's inability to do the same. Countless other relationships with females were hindered, absolved, or halted due to the simple inability for me to ever come to their houses. Most people have no idea how hard it is for someone you love to have to keep you a secret, in fear of the retaliation of their family. It leads to self doubt as well as other self identity problems.

Although interracial dating can obviously have its disadvantages, it can have its advantages as well. When you date someone who is from a different culture than yourself, you open yourself up to the opportunity to discover the wonders of another culture. The biggest advantage for me of dating people of all backgrounds is the enormous amount of knowledge of different cultures I have had the pleasure of ascertaining throughout my lifetime. Furthermore, my experiences have led me to believe that if you truly love someone, you will fight to stay with them no matter what other people think about you or your decision. If a friend of yours doesn't approve of your decision, then they aren't worthy of your friendship. If a relative feels the same way, it obviously hurts to have your relationship with them severed but generally, they will eventually come around to the idea the longer the situation presents itself. The most valuable wisdom I can issue to someone in an interracial relationship is this: Interracial dating is not an easy feat to partake upon. It will probably lead to the loss of friends and family and could result in some hardships due to this. In life, you have to make decisions based on how they will either positively or negatively affect you. The biggest injustice you can serve yourself is hindering you quest for companionship because of society's current mentality. You have to actively search for love in life and if you find it with someone who just so happens to be of a different race, so be it. Although you may experience backlash from your peers and your family among other people, you have to remember that making them happy or satisfying their wants doesn't necessarily lead to your ultimate satisfaction. Just like a normal relationship, an interracial relationship is full of its peaks and valleys but because of the nature of the relationship, those peaks could be short lived and those valleys seem to last a lifetime but when sent through a crucible bonds become stronger and more resilient. At the end of the day, you have to do what makes you feel good. If you are in love with someone, then they should be worth fighting for. If your love for someone causes you to loose those dear to you, all you have done is show their true identities and saved yourself in the long run. Interracial dating is becoming more and more prevalent in society and as it progresses as a concept, it will lose its stigma and will eventually become the norm. Please don't let other people's ignorant, antiquated philosophies on life affect your decisions in life.