The Insatiable Heart
A few days ago I had a conversation with one of my single friends about marriage. She, nearing 30, feels that she knows all there is to know about having a happy marriage, and worries that as each day passes and Mr. Right retains his absence, she will never walk the aisle. I can attest to those feelings as well. In my early twenties I felt under a tremendous strain to cultivate relationships that led to marriage and fulfill my subcultural obligations to my parents and community. The fear of being referred to as an 'old girl' energized me into action.
I got to thinking on my drive home about marriage and all that it entails. My post adolescent ideas were so different than the reality I live every day. I won't talk about those ideas now because I am embarrassed at my naivety then. Love, sex, loyalty, attention, validation... and all of them in good measure, are the necessary ingredients. Leave one out and the cake falls flat. And let's not forget those heart to hearts. Sitting down to talk and listen, no matter how tired or late, smoothes out the wrinkles in the marriage fabric.
Failure awaits to greet at every step. You stop to make its acquaintance and your spouse is forced to stop as well. Marriage, as well as life, is filled with such obstacles. Our progress fails, we suffer, our children suffer. We believe we've reached our limit, we don't have the resources within us to drag ourselves another inch. And what do we do? The easy choice is to give up, to call it quits, to close ourselves off from our best friend, our lover, and to look elsewhere.
How illusory it is to imagine life on the other side of the fence. At first glance you don't see the patches of earth that show through the parched grass. Marriage is truth, marriage is effort, marriage is atonement. A great marriage takes time. Plenty of it. It isn't something that anyone is given. It requires work and maintenance. It requires faith.
Published by AngieM
No TV, but thousands of books. Married. Mother of two. View profile
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8 Comments
Post a CommentI was also naive in my younger days. I appreciate the analogy of having all the right ingredients. Nice article!
very good piece...thank you
good job! hugz cj
I must have come full cycle because this second marriage is exactly what I thought it would be and it isn't work - it's fun.
Wonderful article and agree totally!
Very well written!
Angie, I agree with you that imagining life on the other side of the fence is illusory. I think a key ingredient to marriage is ultimately communication! Nice piece!
My ideas of love and romance have drastically changed from late teens to now (25). I agree with a lot you've said. Great article:)