The Internet and Your Child

The second half of the 20th century brought the Internet into our homes. Unlike television, the Internet is a virtual population center of human activity, in which the user can participate with a few keystrokes on his computer.

Swiftly the Internet traffic grew and attracted our children's attention. They go to it on school computers, on homes computers, at their friends' house, on library computers and even at grandma's house. They took to the new media like fish take to water. It is no wonder; the Internet is dubbed their new playground. ¹

Playgrounds are places where fun rules. And their activities provide training to practice valuable life skills. The Internet is no exception. It provides educational, social, and analytical skills training to our youth. Thus it offers too valuable of an experience for a child not to be involved in its educational promises.

The Risks of the Internet

The threat of physical danger is rare on the Internet. But this new playground does host a small population that spreads hatred, pornographic material, and seeks to commercially prey.

Our young ones are not always the prime targets of these nefarious activities. But an innocent child is easily ensnared within these amoral webs during a first unsupervised encounter. Such an encounter may prove to be life altering.

The objectives of this note are twofold. First, to discuss the risks and dangers that our children are likely to face on the Internet. Second, to offer suggestions to strengthen your child against most Internet dangers.

The Rewards of the Internet

The rewards of the Internet are many: Entertainment, instant communication, expression of one's thoughts via web pages or through chat room participation, communication via email, visits to resources of cultural, scientific, and current importance; all with a few computer keystrokes.

Surveys document that children use the Internet responsibly. They do homework, communicate by email, text message, send instant messages, go to chat rooms, make scrapbooks, swap music, play games, construct games, create websites, write stories and some present content.

These activities develop social skills and analytical skills, and research and presentation techniques. All are desirable skills for the electronic age.

Internet Peril to Society and the Defense

Despite the good the Internet boasts, it provides cover for a small population that take advantage of the innocent; in particular the young. Their cover is protected by the Internet's free access and unsupervised. These attributes make easy the dissemination of ideas.

Disseminating views that are consonant with the public good is desirable. Those that are in dissonance with the public good must be countered. The best defense against dissonance to the public good occurs is in place when parents pass their values and beliefs to their children, before others can.

Parental Assessment of Internet Risks and Research

Parents underestimate the risks their child face on the Internet. A European study of 960 parents whose children used the Internet at least once a week, reported 57% of their children had come in contact with pornographic material on line, while only 16% of their parents believed their child had been so exposed. ³

In the United States, the home of a $3 billion dollar a year Internet porn business, it is estimated that ninety percent of children between third and tenth grade have seen some Internet pornography.

By contrast, a University of California Berkeley research team spent three years observing 800 youths and observed 5,000 hours of youth using the Internet. Rarely were references to pornographic materials found. In a similar vein, a European study of youth web pages found more references to Jesus and than to pornography. ²

Now, considering that some psychologists believe that a child's first encounter with inappropriate sex activities may results in psychological and emotional problems for life, and a recent research suggests porn-use spikes immediately after the first encountered, then gradually drops off; the body of research of the effects of inappropriate sex activities to our young takes a less than convincing stand. Our children's well being is far too important to gamble on the conclusions of such ambivalent results.

Thus parents must prepare their children for the risks of Internet use by teaching their values and beliefs to their children before others can influence them.

The ole child rearing formula is still valid here.

• Have a trusting relationship with your child,

• Set rules on how to use the Internet, and

• Introduce to your child to your beliefs and ideas before others.

Getting Started

An excellent way to introduce your child to the Internet is touring its diverse resources - the ones that reflect the values you share with society.

Tour the web pages of museums of art, history and science, special libraries, famous buildings and monuments, some college campuses, historical venues, ballet sites, symphonies, prominent grand houses, and some great restaurants.

Do not attempt the tour in one setting. This is a site seeing tour. And you do not have to be a guide. Enjoy the trip with your child.

For example, consider goggling:

• Sacramento museum guide,

• New York museum guide,

• Paris museum guide,

• Shanghai museum guide.

Allow your child to see the different presentations.

Shortly, he will spot the commonality of the different museum presentations thereby, learning things our society values. Consider this approach throughout the tour.

Rules for the Internet

Explain to your child that some people do amoral things to gain an advantage, then set rules to protect them from such behavior. For ideas, tweak the following rules.

• In your absence, a child should never give any information about self, family or others to anyone on the Internet, no matter how official their correspondence appears.

• Underscore "any" to include information about school, family financing, family personal matters as well as the personal matters of others.

• Without a parent's consent, a child is not permitted to meet anyone whom he has met on the Internet. If such a meeting is allowed, a parent must always accompany the child and the meeting must be in a public place.

• Encourage your child to use a non-descriptive and non-suggestive Internet name, for example: CX639.

• Never agree to purchase anything on the Internet.

• Never play jokes on others on the Internet. Make clear that one's desire to merely have fun at another's expense can often end in pain or embarrassment situation. Explain how this might be the case.

• Never send messages to others or participate in cliques that do, in order to, irritate or belittle.

Point out to your child that society requires us to honor other's rights and freedoms. This can be done by NOT engaging in the following activities on the Internet:

• Posting unverified information about another,

• Taking part in gossip,

• Bullying others, or

• Harassing others or

• Intimidating another on the Internet.

The Internet and Sex

When your child encounters sexual situation, its harmful effects are best defected if you have equipped him with guidelines of behavior and he feels that he can withdraw to support within your relationship.

• Begin by telling your child that you believe sex is only for mature consenting adults, and that you do not give him permission to participate in it or to view it.

• Point out the difference between pornography and sex between mature consenting adults.

• Make clear that you make the rules because you wish him to become a responsible person; that you believe your rules will protect him -- and not stifle him, and that they will deliver him to the person you wish him to become and ask that the keep them.

• Let him know that if he violates your rules, you will be disappointed, but you will not abandon him for the violation, nor you will withdraw your love from him.

• If such a situation arises, he should tell you, and when possible, record the site of the sexual encounter.

• Assure him that your values will safely take him through any situation provided he remains strong and courageous in your teaching.

If your relationship is built on trust, your requests you're your child's behavior are likely forthcoming.

Further Suggestions

If you are unskilled in the ways of the Internet but your child knows how to use the Internet, step back, surpress your pride, and allow the little one to teach you what he knows. He will love sharing his knowledge with you. Further, your surrender will strengthen your bond of trust. Be sure to listen and watch. Shortly, you will have to lead again.

Learn how to "goggle" for information, that is search for a website or a term.

If your child does not know the Internet, consider taking a short course on the Internet so that you can introduce him to the sites that reflect your values.

Conclusion

a. These suggestions herein are meant to provide a means to open a dialog with your child. They are not intended to dictate how one should rear a child.

b. The suggestions targeting pornography and sex are readily adaptive to combat other Internet ills. Be creative.

¹ Debbie Weissmann, The Internet playground: Potential Risks Provide Opportunities for Discussion, Connections - a dissemination of the Graduate School & Information Studies of UCLA, Spring 2008

² Julie Sullivan, This is your kid's brain on Internet porn, The Oregonian, December 17, 2008

³ David Batty, Parents still underestimate internet risks, London School of Economics and Political Science