The Internet Daters Guide to Meeting People Online: Step 1

In the first entry in this series, I wrote about a seven step process to meeting people on the internet. Unfortunately, I did not delve in to the details as to what each process entailed, nor did I tell stories to imply why each step is a necessary step. The first, and most important step in this process is to create a crazy filter.

The first question you may have is "What is a crazy filter and why do you need it?" This is a good question and to answer it, here is an example.

Suppose you're perusing your local bookstore looking around for books and you just happen to be looking at the same type of book as this crazy girl who sees that as meaning you're just meant to be together. She doesn't tell you at the time, but when she starts talking to you, you end up giving her your phone number.

What is the problem with that? This girl might very well be the next Swimfan, but you just told her your name, hobbies, place of work, and phone number. She now has multiple ways to find you and profess her love. Basically, you're screwed.

Now let us move to example 2. You're drinking with some friends in a bar and you see this gorgeous girl you've never seen before and you go up to talk to her. You find out she has recently lost 300 pounds, got plastic surgery to fix her extra skin problem and is still empty of self confidence. You hit it off, and then bring her back to your place and sleep with her. Granted, sleeping with someone on a first date is probably not a great idea anyways, but we all mistakes. Anyways, now that you're sleeping after some incredible sex, she is awake and wandering around your house learning everything possible about you. She knows where you live, what your family looks, who you are and she found it out all when you were sleeping.

In example one, this all could have been solved by avoiding personal questions about yourself and simply finding out if the persons crazy by asking a few pointed questions about past relationship. As for example 2, its simple, avoid bringing a girl to your house at all costs. Lie and say you live with your parents, and get a hotel room.

These are some made up examples of why a crazy filter is needed, but now is the time to examine crazy filters in terms of internet dating. I have developed several different methods of using a crazy filter, and it can be altered at all times.

The first level of crazy filter: A new email address.

It is pretty simple really. Whether you met the girl on a dating site, or on a forum you both frequent, or in a chat room, it is imperative that you spend the extra 10 minutes to make a random email address used to email people you meet on the internet.

If you do not do this, you are at risk of having a crazy person stalk you and steal your identity.

LEVEL 2: Make a fake screen name.

See, the first step is good and all, but it isn't perfect. If you're going to meet someone online, you need to move past the email stage and move on to a screen name. Step 2 should usually begin after spending two weeks on Step 1.

Step 2 is an important step because it allows you to have actual conversation with someone, yet spend the time necessary to decide what to say, or how to respond to something somebody said.

You can decide at will to block the person or just never sign on that screen name ever again. This is usually where things start to falter. You encounter someone who starts talking about getting married or having kids, or something that you are opposed to.

As far as this goes, you'll be better off if you do this. I've encountered women who have husbands in iraq, fake pictures, recent divorcees, and hookers via this part. This is where you can run, and run fast.

Another thing you need to watch out for is someone who gives the following answer:

You: Hey you, what do you do for fun
Other Person: Things, stuff, lots of things, a lot.

This type of answer says they have nothing to talk about and a very boring personality. Also, you might want to have a few questions ready that will determine your ability to chat. For me, I find out if they do drugs and like politics. For you, you might want a kayaking maniac with a lawyer background.

LEVEL 3: ????

This is open for you to decide. After a set amount of time where you chat with the person in question over the internet, you move on to level 3.

Most of you reading will think "Hey, he is going to say it is phone call time." The truth is; this is not the best way to filter out crazies. If you can convince the person in question to give you their number first and say you'll call them when you see them, this will usually be an acceptable substitute for exchanging phone numbers.

HOWEVER, my way of doing things is completely different. After you talk to someone online for a fixed amount of time, it should be time to meet up. When I say fixed amount of time, it really depends. Someone who wants to meet you within 2 weeks is probably crazy and/or desperate, so first you need to figure out the woman's comfort level. If she's never met anyone online before, she may need upwards of 2-3 months to meet you. This is fine, but after 3 months, it starts to become a matter of "is she ever going to meet me or not" and you'll stop paying attention to your conversation. I like to wait about 6 weeks after our aim conversations and then meet up.

Remember, this is not a perfect solution, but it provides you with a completely solid way of determining if your future girlfriend is going to go crazy and shoot you or not.

After all of this, I'd suggest meeting the person which I will talk about in another entry, but an additional crazy meter is to do this.

If your date is not going well, go to the bathroom and send your friend a text with a "Go," message. This will be prearranged and he/she will know that its time to pull a "BAD CAR ACCIDENT" type deal. I've never done this before, because I feel like it is a step of rudeness I won't lower myself to.

And that, my friends, is why I suggested a crazy filter.