The Intersection of Music and Misery

In the movie "Hi Fidelity" John Cusack opens the film by asking, "What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

I think it is one of those unanswerable questions. But below is my intersection of misery and pop music

Please call a doctor, I've been so depressed
That I think that I'm finally breaking
I can't quite explain, I can't feel any pain
But I know that this time I'm not faking

This is from "Permanent Waves" by The Kinks. I was 13 when I first heard this song and it struck an immediate chord. I was at the awkward age where I wanted more out of life but was completely ill equipped to put my finger on why I was so unhappy, much less express it to anyone who might have been able to help. My guesstimate as to how many times I played this song - 8,512.

This song came out in the late 70s and the solution to the problem was for our hero to go out and get a new hairdo or Permanent Waves. I never wanted to be the white kid with the afro, so I never tried it. But I would be lying if I said I never wondered if my life would have turned out different if I had.

When you take up a pencil and sharpen it up
When you're kicking the fence and still nothing will budge
When the words are immobile until you sit down
Never feel they're worth keeping, they're not easily found
Then you know in some strange, unexplainable way
You must really have something
Jumping, thumping, fighting, hiding away
Important to say!

This is from "Guitar and Pen" by The Who and it came out about the same time as "Permanent Waves". Most songs that came out (at least the ones I was aware of) that dealt about frustration were framed in the typical boy-girl way. But this song was about the frustration of writing and playing music. It still wasn't exactly what I had going on, but it spoke to me at a critical time.

And it holds up remarkably well, perhaps better than any other song on Who are You. Anyone who has ever written a piece for mass consumption is all too familiar with the challenges of good writing.

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
When I say that I'm o.k. well they look at me kind of strange
Surely you're not happy now you no longer play the game

This is from "Watching the Wheels" by John Lennon which came out late in 1980. Everyone was very concerned when I quit the basketball team and refused to join the National Honors Society. However, I was making progress. I still didn't know what I wanted, but I was beginning to figure out what I did not want. And despite what Bob Dylan said the previous year, I was not going to serve anyone, which was one of the requirements of the NHS.

Words to memorize words hypnotize
Words make my mouth exercise
Words all fail the magic prize
Nothing I can say when I'm in your thighs

This is from "Add it Up" by the Violent Femmes. The pendulum always shifts. You start off being unable to verbalize stuff and then you end up driving everyone around you crazy with tangential rants and conspiracy theories. And it's really not any better. Besides, nothing ruins the moment of a promiscuous encounter more than talk of your despair.

Suddenly I turned around and she was standin' there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair.
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

This is from "Shelter from the Storm" by Bob Dylan. This one is out of chronological order but that's just how it is. I could have been listening to more alternative music but what would have been manna had I found it in 1980 just didn't cut the mustard any more. And mainstream rock? Do I have to remind you how dreadful Huey Lewis and "We Built This City" were? I didn't think so.

Besides, this is a great song. I'm firmly against organized religion but I believe in concepts like faith and salvation. And what better way to salvation than through earthly pleasures?

It ought to be easy ought to be simple enough
Man meets woman and they fall in love
But the house is haunted and the ride gets rough
And you've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above
If you want to ride on down in through this tunnel of love

This is from "Tunnel of Love" by Bruce Springsteen. Even at my height of self-medicating, I always believed that things would get better. But they don't. Sure, there are high points and good times but what changes is your ability to cope with stuff going wrong all the time.

I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both,
Just have to be patient,
Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime,

Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,
While your busy making other plans

This is "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon. I love my son and I'm not taking any chances. I just play him jazz.