The Involved Father

I used to do quite a bit of art in high school. Drawing especially appealed to me since I could spend hours doing it and yet it only felt like a few moments of time passed. One semester of college when I was stressed and needed a few extra credit hours to kill, I enrolled in a drawing class. The instructor was a professional artist. I learned quite a bit about the technical aspects of drawing, but those lessons are not what stuck with me the most.

For the final, we each had to meet with the professor individually to go through our portfolio. While doing so, my professor encouraged me to continue drawing after the course. I expressed my desire to do so, but let my professor know that my daughter (who was very small at the time) loved to get into my art supplies and make a mess. As a result, my time to draw was limited to the late hours when she was asleep. Undaunted, my professor asked why I did not give her a pad of paper and a pencil and sit her down next to me. I did not have a good answer.

That professor's reply gave me great pause. What he suggested is what I would term involved fathering. A father who is involved with his offspring does not simply bounce them on his knee, then goes off to watch the football game alone. The involved father does not keep his hobbies and interests to himself, thinking his children are too young for them to understand or participate at any level.

I put to work the suggestion of my professor, not only in my drawing time but in other things. What resulted was a closeness with my daughter I would not have otherwise. We share many interests now, and there are many activities we do together that accounts for our closeness. She has learned skills otherwise inaccessible. My daughter now likes to fix things, understands more about the rules of football, and has a growing appreciation for Porsches. This is not to say that she does not enjoy a healthy diet of My Little Pony and Dora. In fact, speaking Spanish myself, I have indulged in a few girlie cartoon episodes myself.

When my daughter is scared, or gets hurt, she does not always run automatically to her mother. She knows dad is interested in her as a person and is there for her as well. This is not to say mom has taken a backseat in parenting. Involved fathering is not about displacing women in the parenting of children. It is more about tag-team parenting, a cooperative effort to pour both parents' knowledge and talents into raising children. The end goal is to raise more well-rounded children, who grow into more well-rounded adults. This ideal is something I can truly believe in, and I hope more fathers (and mothers) can believe in it as well.