The Irvine Diaries: How My Life Turned into a Top 10 Hit

For many people, certain songs have special meaning, but Albert Hammond's "It Never Rains in Southern California" pretty much describes the last 6 months of my life. A #5 hit on the Billboard Charts in 1972, the parallels between the character in Hammond's song and me are hard to ignore.

"Got onboard a Westbound 747"

After a job search that lasted nearly 6 months, I landed a position in Irvine, Calif., a planned community located 40 miles outside of Los Angeles. Taking this job meant shoving what I could into two suitcases and a messenger bag while booking a flight to John Wayne Airport in Southern California. Unlike the ambitious person in Hammond's song, however, I booked a ticket on Southwest Airlines, which only uses 737's.

"But girl, don't they warn ya-it pours, man it pours"

Coming from St. Louis, a city prone to sleet, snow and freezing rain, relocating to Southern California was a big selling point in accepting my new job. During my first few weeks in SoCal, co-workers and bus drivers indicated that rain in Irvine was so rare that any significant amount of precipitation was a big event.

I should have listened more closely to Albert Hammond's lyrics because, as the Associated Press reported back in January, rain pelted the Southern California region this winter, often for days at a stretch. The excess moisture also caused mudslides and untold damage to homes in low-lying areas. The one thing I did not pack, unfortunately, was an umbrella.

"I'm under-loved, I'm underfed"

As a former Midwest resident, I am used to eating pretty hearty meals during the winter, but California offers a lighter bill-of-fare. Over the last few months, I ate more sushi than I did during the previous 46 years of my life. I also developed a taste for salmon burgers, but it has been difficult to find a good fried chicken place or a restaurant that carries pork steaks (a popular St. Louis barbecue treat made by slicing a pork butt into steaks).

While my new California diet has been good for the waistline, I haven't been too fortunate in the dating department. By trial-and-error, I learned that one issue was my vocabulary, which did not include these essential terms:

• T-Girl/G-Girl: A new friend in Los Angeles told me to beware of the "T-Girl," a slang term for a man who is becoming a woman. My buddy said to make sure that I'm dating a "Genetic Girl," also known as a "G-Girl."

• Generous Guy: Looks only get you so far with some women in SoCal. More than once through chat lines, I met ladies who were looking for a "generous guy". In other words, if I was willing to open my wallet, I would get the keys to the, uh, kingdom.

• Party and Play: On those same chat lines, I also heard the term "party and play" and "party favors". Translated, those expressions meant that if I was willing to buy marijuana and other recreational substances, I definitely would have a good time with my new female friends.

• The Wookie Look: Although Irvine had plenty of rain this winter, I didn't see a single snowflake. Still, despite the lack of snow, many young girls still like to wear their jeans stuffed into furry Ugg boots, a fashion statement that is referred to as the "Wookie Look."

"Will you tell the folks back home I nearly made it?"

As I write this, I am two weeks away from the "Go/No Go" decision for renewing my contract at work. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude and, hopefully, I will get an extension. If I have to restart my job search, I'm not sure if I will stay in Southern California or head back to St. Louis, though.

Resources:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Never_Rains_in_Southern_California

http://www.seatguru.com/airlines/Southwest_Airlines/Southwest_Airlines_Boeing_737-300.php

Associated Press, "Storms leave Calif, beaches a mess"