The Itis

If you're a fan of the Boondocks, you've probably seen the episode where a restaurant called "The Itis" is created by "Granddad" and becomes a big hit.

So what is the "The Itis"? I'm sure we all experienced it after Thanksgiving. It's that feeling you get when you eat too much food (especially unhealthy food) and get very sleepy. Granddad's ingenious idea was to open a restaurant that serves "soul food", with his own artery-wrenching twists, and for the restaurant to have beds instead of chairs, so that the sleepy customers could nap right after they're finished eating. Some of the menu items were pretty frightening, such as the Luther Burger: a full pound burger with all the fixings (including bacon) sandwiched between two Krispy Kreme donuts. Yikes. Eventually everyone develops a drug-like addition to the food and the restaurant has to close because Granddad it is sued by a woman who becomes severely obese and blames the food on ruining her life.

Granddad's ideas are frighteningly close to reality. The Luther Burger is a real burger, named after Luther Vandross, who reportedly was a big fan of it. There are a few restaurants that serve variations on it, such as Mulligan's, a bar and grill in Decatur, Georgia, which also serves another king-sized, cholesterol-laden culinary delight: the hamdog, which is a deep-fried hot dog wrapped in a beef patty, covered with chili, cheese, and onions, served on a hoagie bun and topped with a fried egg and fistful of fries. Wow. Take your pick of a deep-fried Twinkie or Snickers bar for dessert, and enjoy your heart attack. Americans just seem impressed that their bodies can handle this stuff without them dropping dead immediately after consuming it. (I know I am.) Oh yeah, Luther Vandross died at age 52, of a heart attack.

The suing part is also a reality. McDonalds and other fast-food chains worth billions of dollars have been bombarded with lawsuits over the last few years by obese people claiming the restaurants' food is to blame for their health and weight problems. It seems as though fast food is really like a drug, at least to these people. As of now, no one has collected any money in any of these suits, however.

The bed idea has also been utilized. There was a restaurant called B.E.D. in New York where you could actually sit in a bed while you ate. It was a high-class hot spot, just like "The Itis", but you would be munching on small portions of lobster rather than a pound of meat and Krispy Kremes, and napping was not really encouraged. This being the case, it probably did not close due to the circumstances "The Itis" closed under, but probably because trying to eat sitting in a bed is not very comfortable and it's a little bit weird doing it in public in front of strangers.

"The Itis" is a parody of many of the horrible qualities that Americans possess: excess, unhealthy lifestyles, addiction, and greed. The frightening thing is, if you presented the idea of "The Itis" to a few American businessmen, you would probably get one to bite on it. That being the case, watch for the opening of a similar restaurant near you. Aaron McGruder, if this does happen, you better sue the hell out of whoever opens it.