The Jesus Tomb: Pro or Con

Suppose this guy has found the tomb of Jesus Christ, what exactly are the implications? Why are so many people in an uproar about it? How does it change religious ideals?

Lets start with thinking it is true. This is the tomb of Jesus and his family. Let's even go so far as to say he was married to Mary Magdalene and had children. Where's the mystery? At the time any good Jewish man, especially a rabbi like Jesus would have been married and would have a strict schedule for procreation. Shocking isn't it? He was born, grew up, got married, and had kids. Wait here is a thought for you; he used a bathroom, or whatever passed for a bathroom back then, just like the rest of us. Try to picture him vomiting if you really want to get the full on human experience. Oh and here is another thought, how many times do you think he stepped in something and had to clean off his sandals? Maybe you think he never had to go to the bathroom, got sick, or stepped in shit. Perhaps you think he was divine in every way possible. Good luck with that. He was born man, to redeem man...or at least that is what various versions of certain "holy" texts want you to believe.

Now that the human factor is taken care of lets get on to the wife problem. Mary Magdalene, first off not a whore, that is a misinterpretation that has gotten out of control with the many subsequent languages and omissions those high up mucky mucks in the organized religions have decided works to their advantage. In truth she, like Jesus, was descended from a royal bloodline. Granted the Jews had seen the light of the gold coin at the end of the tunnel and let the Romans take over the area for the commerce but, should they ever find it not working to their financial benefit in the future, they would want to have an heir apparent to the old throne so they could regain control. Hence the wedding of Jesus and Mary was a good match. Perhaps there was a yenta involved and they were matched from childhood. Either way since there was nothing back then requiring or desiring celibacy in any way shape or form, Jewish or not, the chances of him being the creepy bachelor uncle without kids is pretty slim.

Those things taken into consideration what does it change about any religious ideals? Absolutely nothing. Unless of course you are one of those Christians who believes in voodoo and zombies and thinks the resurrection was physical and not spiritual. I was raised Catholic and I never pictured a zombified blond-haired, blue-eyed guy beaten to a pulp with a large knife wound in his side emerging from a stone crypt and walking among the people. It was never the way I personally interpreted it. Perhaps the person who does interpret it this way is buying into yet another incorrect or subjective translation. Who can say at this point since there has been so much subterfuge?

An answer for his body not being in the crypt and Mary Magdalene being the one to discover it, she stole it. Yeah I said it. Being the smart woman she was, running her father's textile business and being descended of royalty she had a few scruples and decided it was best to take the body before more desecration happened to it or to her family. That's the sign of a woman, always thinking. Not only would it serve as protection for those that were living it would also protect and perpetuate his legacy. And what was that legacy? I think it had something to do with unconditional love for all of humankind and the world in general. But I could be wrong about that because that's what most religions preach but don't practice, tolerance.

It's about time people actually started reading the full-unabridged versions of their "holy" documents if they want to know what the real story is behind their religion. For example, you might want to get a copy of the bible in the original language, or perhaps one that includes all of the gospels ever found. Maybe you'd like to get the Torah and the Koran and a few other texts to compare the ultimate messages. And if you are really feeling giddy and you might want to check out the "conferences" like Trent that decided what to include and exclude in the bible. Celibacy for Catholic priests, for example, is all about keeping the land, a.k.a. the wealth, in the church. They are still in the top ten of the richest organizations in the world. And yet somehow there is still poverty and hunger even though you go to church and put your change in the basket. Perhaps pocket change isn't the kind of change you should be giving them.

Ultimately this tomb, be it that of Jesus Christ or some other Jew named Jesus with a bunch of Mary's and Joe's in his life, really doesn't matter one bit because the message isn't about being dead, or buried, or married, or risen to eternal life. It has nothing to do with a textbook of parables and fables either. These are just tools, tools of mind and soul control passed on from one seat of power to the next, full of sound and fury signifying nothing (Walt Whitman, Civil Disobedience, not an exact quote). The sooner we all get it the better off the world will be.