The Journal 2-3-2010

I've just finished reading, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot, and I am emotionally drained. My heart bleeds pain after absorbing this sad story of a family in financial and emotional peril. A family that should be acknowledged for the gift of life their matriarch left the world by the world.

My heart bleeds pain a lot lately...

Five months ago, I decided to change my physical life. I wanted to live longer, and healthier. The news was full of people my age or younger dying, and I had been living my life each day like I was immortal. Not to the fullest as some people like to chant but, like I would always welcome the next day with my heart beating. One day, I just didn't "feel healthy" So, no more smoking, limited drinking and daily exercise and, I changed my diet to lacto vegetarian; no red meat, pork or chicken. But, first I fasted.

For seven days I ingested nothing but warm water in small amounts as long as there was light outside. When the sun went down I only drank green tea and ate crackers. Ohhh, but on that eighth day I pigged out! Coco Wheat's and apple juice for breakfast, garden salad topped with crab meat for lunch and salmon, broccoli and baked potato for dinner! I was careful not to over eat though. Amazingly, I have been able to stick to it! But, I don't know what would happen if someone were to fry a thin sliced pork chop around me...sometimes I can feel that little piece of fried fat around the edges melting in my mouth when I think about it! Now, I feel great physically and I have noticed that I "think" clearer too. But, I am finding thinking clearer is a double edged sword.

Hence, my heart bleeds a lot lately...

I am feeling the pain of living in a society where the majority is lacking even basic morality. I'm not throwing stones. I just see things clearer now. Pain and tragedy of other's no longer entertain me. I have stopped watching TV, with the exception of news, which isn't much better then the flood of crime and reality shows. Yet, I still feel the need to know what others outside of me are doing. Even my once favorite crime show is no longer desired. I see it now as meaningless clutter. So I read a lot. And, the TV blaring in the background is only to hear sounds other than my thoughts.

I am not lonely; this self imposed isolation is needed. I am still cleansing and healing "me"...now I have added my soul to the list.