The Journey to Finding My Siblings

I shouldn't say that I needed to find them. I should maybe say that I needed to find a way to get to them without going through their mother. It is a long story so I will sum it up quickly. My father committed suicide when I was 18 and my siblings were two and four years old. I stayed in contact with them for the years following my father's death. We lived on opposite ends of the country though. I eventually moved back to NJ when I was 22 years old and they were about seven and nine years old. We were close for about a year and then my stepmother decided to just never return my calls or give me a reason why.

I left well enough alone for a while. They were minors and I understood why my stepmother suddenly didn't want me around or in their lives. She had remarried when they were still just toddlers and they believed that their stepfather was their real father. That meant that me saying I was their sister, but not their mother's child, or their "father's" child, was too confusing. She wanted to just leave my father behind in the dust and that meant me as well. After all, my father did blame my stepmother for his choice to kill himself and he did the deed on her birthday. I would want me gone too, considering that she had not dealt with all of this misery. She wished to erase anything Gary (my father) and that meant me too.

I decided that I couldn't fight with her. She wasn't the fighting type and would just allow me back in but make my life a living hell. I left things alone for one other reason, my brother and sister were minors. I decided that when the day came that they turned 18, I would get in touch with them, somehow. Sounded easier than it was though. Although I knew where they lived and their phone number, I couldn't just call or show up. I wasn't sure what it was that my stepmother told them as to where I was at. What if she told them that I had died or was in jail or something even more horrible? I couldn't take the chance that they would reject me because of a lie. That would have been more devastating to me than not having them around.

After my sister turned 18 years old, I started looking for her online. I figured that she must have a myspace page or something considering she was a teenager. No such luck. I started to look for my brother in the same way. No luck there either. I tried for over a year. I did every search you could imagine but came up empty. The best that I did was finding a story in the paper about my brother. He was an all star athlete in high school and man was I proud. Getting a taste of finding them made it more of a priority. With the internet at my disposal, there was no way that I would just sit here and wish anymore.

I decided one day that I was going to do my last search for a while. I emailed my stepmother a pleading email through classmates.com but she never answered it. I even tried to find her husband but that came up empty too. I thought that I would try myspace just one last time, in the hopes that maybe my sister finally got on board and made a page. What I found shocked me. My brother, then 17 years old, had just made a myspace page just days prior to my search. Bingo!! I found a way to get to him finally!!! I cried as I emailed him a long email pleading with him to talk to me. I wanted to clear up any issues that maybe there were and let him know that I want him and our sister in my life. I also decided for insurance purposes, to also email a similar pleading email to his girlfriend who was also on his myspace page. I got an email back from his girlfriend the next morning. She said she was totally confused but was going to talk to him and get back to me. He emailed me a little later that day. I cried when I saw the email, even before I opened it. It was that feeling of accomplishment and getting something that I highly desired for many, many years.

My brother emailed me that he wants to talk to me and he remembers and misses me. Once we got talking, I asked if he had told our sister yet. He said no but he was going to later that night. She was just as excited to hear from us. She told me that her mother told them that I moved back to AZ after having my daughter and never got in touch with her. What a liar, but it was a better and easier lie to handle than if she had said that I died. I couldn't believe the awesome feeling that I had. I wished for many years that they were in my life and now here they are, in the flesh. Just amazing!!

A few days later, my sister came to visit, the day of my second child's birthday party. She walked in and I just wanted to break down and cry. I held up well though. She is beautiful and caring and my kids just loved her to death. We hit it off as if we were never separated for so many years. It was like a dream though. A few days later, my brother came for a visit. Again, tears wanted to fall but I held them in as we reunited. My kids just took to him as if they knew him forever as well. I sat back and watched him play with his niece and nephews and just smiled. That was all I was capable of at this point. It was really a dream come true.

Now, a few months after the reunion, we are still in touch constantly. I talk to my brother online at least a few times a week and we are planning on spending Christmas together this year. He is off at college about three hours away so we don't get to see him much. My sister comes to visit at least once or twice a month. We talk online quite a bit too. She has saved me in a few instances as well when I needed a babysitter or when I needed someone to keep me calm in a bad situation. She is there for me and has my back and the love is evident. She loves these children and they love her back.

My kids watched me cry over not having my brother and sister in my life for way too long. They knew all about them before the big reunions. They welcomed them both into their hearts immediately. That couldn't have made me any happier!! I even had a meeting with my stepmother. It was pleasant and we will see each other again at Christmas. I am not happy about the past but the fact of the matter is, it is the past. I have my brother and sister in my life now and my stepmother is aware of it and supports it. She has grown a lot in the past few years. I want peace in my family and after many years, I have finally gotten it.

Finding someone on the internet can be an easy thing. Sometimes, it can be a bit harder but there are many places to search for a person. I suggest starting with www.google.com. Then you can try classmates.com, facebook.com, myspace.com, cafemom.com and reunion.com. There is also friendster and other pages like it. There are many other type of people searches that you pay for. I would leave that as a last resort. I didn't pay for one search that I did for my brother and sister and I succeeded. In today's day and age, more people than not have some sort of webpage like myspace or facebook. If they are a professional of some sort, chances are they have a business page as well. Search and you shall find. I hope everyone has the great luck at finding a loved one that I had. It was worth the work and the wait!!