The Journey into Spring

Willow drunk with happiness as she bit into a slice of pound cake made by Dru, she dreamed of stolen kisses and intense love making that would make her first sexual experience in four years make the rain come down. But alas, she and Dru settled on friendship and the night of her birthday Willow decided to give her friend a gift.

"So are you ready for the Reiki?" Willow asked.

"Sure, I can get on the floor. It would be more comfortable than the sofa," Dru responded.

"Ok," Willow closed her eyes to prepare herself for transmitting healing energy to Dru through her hands, while Dru settled herself on the floor in a comfortable position.

Willow placed her hands on top of Dru's head. "Would you consider being roommates with me?"

"Uh..." it was obvious she threw Dru off with that question. "Um...sure...I never thought about it before, but yeah, I can consider it," Dru responded.

"Cool," Willow spent about an hour and a half sending Dru's body, mind, and spirit healing energy through the practice of Reiki. She focused on every traditional spot from the top of the head to the bottom of the feet and every chakra in between.

The evening ended with subtle force. This dream of Willow's to be with Dru would never happen. She found it challenging to let it go. But on this night, she had no choice.

As she carried a plastic grocery bag filled with pound cake and left over Indian food, Willow got in her car confused, sad, yet joyful.. It was an odd mixture. Yet, it was appropriate for the moment.

Her experiences with Willow some times mirrored her experiences with her friend, Lee. He spent a lot of time advising Willow on what to say, do, and think concerning her pursuit of Dru. Every step of the way, Willow felt as if her efforts were like beating a dead horse and it expecting to wake up and fight back.

Lee came across to Willow as a time bomb. For awhile, he'd be all right in conversations on the phone. But then, Willow wouldn't figure something out with the clarity he'd wished she had or she'd feel a human emotion like sadness or loneliness every once in awhile and he'd blow up at her.

He often said to Willow, "I'm trying to help you." Yet, Willow's heart grew more and more hurt in his presence. When will I do something he doesn't like? Is he going to get mad at me today? I'm tired of trying to live up to his expectations. To Willow, Lee was and still is an insecure little boy who's afraid of being hurt, so he lashes out to the ones who love him the most in an effort to push them away before they have a chance to supposedly hurt him.

Even with all of this information, Willow remembered many, many good times of laughter and learning with Lee, so it was no surprise when she found herself on her bedroom floor making love with him a few weeks after her birthday.

He'd come down to visit her. He lived an hour away. This was their first face-to-face meeting in this particular lifetime. They talked, laughed, and joked around like they did on the phone over the past two years, but something was different this time. The caressing began while they watched a movie. Willow got up and led him back to her bed-less bedroom and they made love on the floor.

Long story short, the evening ended with Lee lying in Willow's arms as they talked and gently fell asleep. When they awoke and realized it was almost one in the morning, he scurried around to go home.

Willow felt on top of the world the very next day. The day after that she was depressed - crying on and off all day long. She called into work that day. What did her spirit know that she didn't know? Even Willow in conscious mind couldn't grasp why she was responding this way to such a loving and fulfilling moment in her life? It was a great step forward the evening she spent with Lee. Yet, there was something within her a couple days later that just fell apart. To this day, she still can't figure it out. Eventually, she chalked it up to just cleansing and releasing negative energy. But was the negative energy the actual time spent with Lee? Or was it a result of the healing process from that evening?

A couple of weeks later, Willow and Lee talked on the phone. He called her after driving home a little tipsy from a restaurant. As he had done prior to their physical encounter, he was strategically placing 'I love you' into their conversation. They did some talking that made a little sense, but not much. The next morning they talked and everything was fine. By the time Sunday came, Willow's sensitivity had kicked again. It wasn't as bad as that day after their love making, but it was just a feeling of loneliness again.

She called Lee, "Hey Lee, it's Willow, give me a call back I'm a little lonely today for some reason. Bye."

He called back a little while later. "You lack confidence and you have low self-esteem," he yelled into the phone.

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do, because if you did you wouldn't be sitting over there feeling all lonely and stuff," he continued to yell.

She just let him rant and rave - more stunned than again. She was hurt as well. She felt her heartbreaking. Why was he being so abusive?

"You know what Lee, even though I enjoyed what happened between us I still feel like I got screwed in the end," Willow shot back finally.

Then he insulted the poetry she wrote for him in a book that was about to go into production. While every poem wasn't about him, she did dedicate a few to him. She knew he didn't like poetry, but she thought that even someone as cold as he was could appreciate someone caring enough about him to write about him. Apparently not.

"I just don't appreciate poetry the way you do. I don't like heart-to-heart conversations. I don't like..." and Lee went on and on for another twenty minutes.

Somewhere along the way in the conversation things calmed down and they got off the phone. She tried to call him the next day, he never called back. She tried calling him a few days later. And he never called back. So, she let it go.

The one time after four years she opens herself up in a special way to someone and it completely blew up in her face. She honestly thought it was going to turn out differently. She didn't spend any time in his head trying to figure out why he acted the way he did. She just wanted to move forward with or without him.

The first day of spring came and Willow was feeling good. Her brown eyes were shining like the stars in the sky. She smiled a little more than usual that day at work. In her mind, she planned a few activities to celebrate the Spring Equinox and new beginnings. On Saturday, she talked to Dru for a few hours. She planted some lavender and rosemary seeds in some nice pots. She had a nice dinner at her favorite Indian restaurant. And she followed that up with a cup of coffee from her favorite café.

She can feel wonderful new beginnings stirring up in her world. Even through the challenges on a personal level, they are stirring up in her life because they are stirring up in her heart.