The Joy of Puppies: How They Reminded Me to Live, Laugh and the Feeling of Happiness

I spent a majority of the six years after mom's death depressed and angry. The sadness overwhelmed me, which made it incredibly difficult to get out of bed every day. The pain was immense, which stirred up past torture from the sexual abuse I endured from the age of five to twelve years of age. Flashbacks of the abuse invaded my mind and I had to deal with the past as well as the loss of my mother.

During those six years, I began to forget what joy felt like. I didn't laugh and I wasn't happy. My father died six years prior to mom's death and I mourned his passing, but mom's death was different. When mom died my parental fortress went with her, life as I had known it for thirty-two years was gone, and my sense of security vanished. Mom's death reminded me how fragile life was. The reality of my mortality made me fear I was going to die soon.

Believing I wasn't going to live much longer, I stopped living. I didn't do anything fun and obsessed over my death. One day as I was walking in the park a puppy ran up to me. His little body wiggled with excitement and his little stub tail wagged furiously. This cute bundle of fur made me smile. I bent down to pet him and he rolled over on his back for a belly rub. It was instant love. I picked him up and decided to take him home.

The puppy didn't have an identification tag which made me conclude he was abandoned and I intended on keeping him. I had him for four days before his owner came to collect him. I cried after the puppy went back to his owner and due to my instant attachment I wanted another pup to replace him.

I pestered my husband, Jason, to get a puppy. After much protest, he finally gave in and I started searching the pound for a pup. I had never experienced raising puppies so I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I thought it's a dog and it will take care of itself.

Oh, how naïve I was, I had no idea I would be woke up every two hours to take them out to potty. They would cry during the night and the only way to get them to stop was to sleep on the floor with one arm in their cage. Also, the time it would take watching over them to discipline and teach them how to behave. Oh yeah, the numerous vet visits, too.

All the work it took to raise puppies was worth it due to the joy I experienced from watching them be pups. They were adorable to look at with their little fuzzy faces peering up at me. Their puppy quirks made me laugh and I spent hours watching them play.

Zeus was the first puppy we rescued. He was a black Labrador and Rottweiler mix. With his black and white coloring, he looked a lot like a German Shepherd and being a mutt could possibly be mixed with this breed. His fuzzy little seven pound body was placed in my arms and I felt like a first time mom. His cute little black and white face stared up at me and I was instantly in euphoria.

I showered him with love and bought him lots of toys. He had fun chasing the squeaky balls and stuffed animals, but I felt I couldn't fulfill his playfulness like another puppy could. I felt bad that he had no one to play with, so I bugged my husband about Zeus needing a brother to entertain him.

After convincing Jason that Zeus would be happier with a playmate, I rescued another fuzzy puppy that was a yellow Labrador and Rottweiler mix. This ten pound puppy we named Apollo since he was reddish brown and yellow like the sun. An instant bond formed between them and Zeus was ecstatic to have a buddy to get into trouble with.

I really enjoyed watching Zeus and Apollo as they entertained each other. Zeus liked to be chased. The game started with Zeus running behind a pile of grass and disappearing. Apollo would stare at the mound of grass. POP! Zeus' head peeked around the heap with his ears perked up and moving around like satellite dishes. Zeus gave Apollo a look that was saying, "C'mon chase me." Apollo always accepted the challenge. ZOOM! Flashes of Zeus and Apollo raced in front of me as they sprinted around the yard.

Their playfulness made me laugh. My husband mentioned later that day that it was good to hear me giggle and he couldn't remember the last time I had chuckled. I stopped to think about this and I couldn't recall either the last time I laughed. After getting the puppies, happiness snuck in. Day after day, I found myself waking up content, living and letting go of the loss of my mother.