The Joys of Breastfeeding My Child

As a child, I always imagined that I would feed my baby a bottle. That was how my mother fed me, and that was what I saw on TV. All of my dolls came with bottles, and I was just programmed to associate them with babies. Back then I thought babies just drank regular cow milk, and I knew nothing of formula. Breastfeeding was something I heard about occasionally, but seemed uncommon and maybe even a little weird--something that those that live in poverty or developing countries did.

When I first became pregnant, I didn't think much about the matter. However, I made up my mind the first time I saw the chart in the obstetrics office that went over the benefits of breastfeeding. I knew so little about breast milk and its superiority, but the little that I had read was enough to convince me. I was determined that I would do it, that I wouldn't give up, and that it was worth it to try my best. I told myself that I wouldn't just try, I would succeed.

Now I have more information about breastfeeding than I ever knew existed. I have learned so much in the last two years. I find it unfortunate that I felt as I did about breastfeeding as a child. It is the exact opposite of how I feel now, and that's definitely not the perspective I want to pass to my children. I have discovered that breastfeeding isn't limited to only medical benefits, but it also holds many joys for those of us who keep at it.

I don't believe that every decision I've made as a parent was best, such as my decision to circumcise my child or substitute with formula. Certainly we all make our mistakes, especially the first time around. Parenting, like life, is a growing process. We learn as we go. There is much that I wish I had known before.

The one decision that I know I will never regret is my choice to breastfeed. I don't believe that my child would be the same little boy and that we would have the same relationship had I chosen to feed him artificial milk. I imagine his first and even second year would have been quite different had I not made the choice to nurse him. I began nursing for the benefits and because it felt natural, but I continue to do it for so many other reasons.

Breastfeeding required a lot of work in the beginning. He wanted to nurse every hour, sometimes even more frequently during growth spurts. Between feedings I often had to pump, because I had so much milk. I was engorged often and sometimes in a lot of pain, but I refused to quit. My nipples were very sore, and sometimes I nearly cried out at the beginning of a feeding because of it. I knew that my supply would adjust and balance out eventually, that my nipples would callous, and that everything would eventually get better, so I waited patiently for about six weeks. The exhausting frequency of the feedings didn't bother me too much, because from the moment I first saw his face, my world revolved around him. He became the new meaning of my life, and I was happy to dedicate my time to feeding him in the healthiest way.

I remember being completely in awe of my body after the birth: how it had perfectly formed a little baby, then given him to the world, and even made food for him afterwards. My body's ability to nurture my son even after his arrival was astounding. I was simply amazed at the beauty of it all, at the simplicity and functionality of our natural design. I had never experienced anything quite like it. Creating new life in and of itself is a miracle, but being able to breastfeed added something else. I felt as though wonders would never cease.

My son never lost any weight after his birth; instead, he gained weight very quickly. While his formula-fed friends suffered from frequent colds and ear infections, my son had one mild cold in his first year around seven months of age. He began to thin out when he became mobile at 6 months, and now he is a lean machine--thin, but very robust, agile, and flexible. Physically, he is completely healthy.

He has accomplished every major milestone early, with the exception of speech, something he simply doesn't show an interest in doing just yet. He's more interested in stretching his legs and learning about his environment than communicating in the adult way. I attribute it to the fact that he's a boy, as boys often talk later, and that we have a long line of late talkers in our family. Beyond that, his development is perfect.

He still doesn't sleep straight through the night, but he sleeps much longer stretches now. I don't mind the night waking, as I manage to get enough sleep anyway. Cosleeping certainly makes it easier. The benefits we have reaped, as well as the joys I've experienced, make up for the short bout of mastitis and the occasionally sleep-deprivation. Breastfeeding keeps us close at night, and we are together even when we are apart in our dreams.

Nursing to sleep provides us a quiet time, a night routine, that calms us both down and helps us unwind at the end of the day. It is as relaxing for me as it is for him. It is a time when we can be together, focusing on each other, talking in our silent language and marveling at each other's beauty. Usually we nurse for a few minutes before he waddles off to his own corner of the bed to sleep. Usually he lays down to nap on his own when he's tired, but a short nursing session helps him nod off if he's having a hard time.

I lost my pregnancy weight rather quickly, and I now weigh less than I did before I became pregnant. I believe nursing played a large role in that. Keeping the weight off, however, isn't why I continue to breastfeed. Even as a toddler, my son benefits from our breastfeeding relationship. He still very rarely gets sick, accomplishes new things ahead of schedule, and even this year has still not had his first ear infection.

He caught a stomach virus a few months after his first birthday, and he refused to eat or drink anything but breast milk straight from the source. Had I not been producing milk, he most likely would have become dehydrated from the diarrhea and had very little energy without anything in his tiny belly. Instead he remained strong through the illness and conquered it within only a few days. He didn't lose any weight.

There are psychological benefits to breastfeeding, too. It can make shots a lot less traumatizing, as placing him at my breast immediately after an immunization prick has a soothing effect on him and makes him forget the pain. Anytime he is hurt or upset, he can be consoled by a momentary nursing session. Sucking has a calming sensation on young children, and I imagine the sweet taste of the milk does, too.

I believe it is the closeness, my undivided attention, and the locking of our eyes together in a gaze of love that does most of the work. He can be calmed, too, by being held, shushed, crooned to, sang to, bounced, or offered a treat, but breastfeeding works the best in those extreme moments of frustration and sorrow. He's capable of comforting himself if left to it, but there are moments when a toddler just needs his mommy.

The memories are what I treasure most, all of the precious moments we have shared while nursing together. Small babies, when they first latch onto the breast, often roll their eyes in the back of their heads, as if experiencing immense pleasure and relief. Many times he has drifted off to sleep with milk dribbling down from the corner of his mouth. The same happens when he smiles while breastfeeding. I can only see the corners of his mouth twisting up slightly, but the light in his eyes is more noticeable when his lips are eclipsed. Even more heart-warming is his laughter, especially while nursing. Sometimes there's a little spray of breast milk when my son giggles, which he finds hilarious.

We have nursed in so many places: in airports, on planes, at restaurants, at Wal-Mart, in dressing rooms, at pools, at the homes of friends and family, nearly everywhere we've been. My son doesn't have to wait for his food, and I don't have to carry around a diaper bag of water, bottles, and formula for mixing. All I have to do is lay him across my lap, lift my shirt, and lean over.

While some are hesitant to go to the movies in the first year, we went frequently compared to others. Most of the time our son nursed quietly and then went to sleep, letting us enjoy nearly the entire movie with hardly a single interruption. As he's grown older, he sleeps less often and only nurses when he's really in the mood. Our trips to the movies have since decreased in frequency!

Some are afraid of nursing in public, for fear they cannot be discreet or will encounter rudeness. I have had very few negative experiences with breastfeeding. I've had a few rude looks and been told once that my son is too old and needs to be weaned. Most of the comments I've received have been about how beautiful it is to see a mother nursing her child.

I once was asked by a man on a plane "Does that hurt?" after he offered to get me a blanket, which I know was purely for my comfort. With a laugh, I explained that I barely felt anything, just a flutter as though a butterfly were flapping its wings there. My husband's grandmother made the sweetest comment as my young brother-in-law observed us nursing. "Isn't it wonderful how God made mommies so that they could feed their babies?"

Breastfeeding has increased my awareness of my son. Especially in the early days I was aware of his every movement, even when I was half-asleep or completely passed out. I often woke just seconds before he erupted into tears. Even today I have a sense of when he is going to begin crying and can usually anticipate a tantrum before it happens. I rarely, if ever, have to deal with any terrible outbursts, though that may change when he hits two this year! I just feel him. Another writer called this "mommy radar," and I truly believe breastfeeding has strengthened mine. The adrenaline and hormones released by nursing in the early days, as well as the bond it has helped us develop, has surely contributed to my sensitivity towards my son and his feelings.

I haven't given much thought as to when I will wean. The short answer is: when he's ready. I know that he's not yet ready to give it up. I doubt I will continue nursing him past the age of four, but I really don't have a set limit. I am nearly six weeks pregnant with our second child, and I am still nursing him. It is an amazing feeling to have a little one growing within me, as my older child receives nourishment from my breast. I can't imagine how it will feel to have both of my babies nursing, one on each side, with their little fingers entwined as they gaze into each other's eyes. I'm sure it will mirror the completion and elation I feel as I fall asleep with those I most love surrounding me in the family bed.

Breastfeeding has kept both of us in good health and refreshed my confidence in my own body and abilities. It has calmed my son in many traumatic situations and provided us relaxation at the end of long days. Breasts are not sexual in my mind or to our family. I have developed courage by parenting in the way that comes naturally to me, even when others disapprove. Nursing bonds us stronger together and keeps my awareness of him acute.

Breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful aspects of motherhood. It is the most pure and natural act I have ever experienced, considering how medicalized his birth was and how modern our life is. I don't think I will ever stop being amazed by the miracle of life, joy of motherhood and wonder of breastfeeding. Even after my milk has dried up, when my kids have forgotten these moments, I will continue to cherish them forever.