The Joys and Challenges of Being a Step-mom

I fell in love with my son John when I met him at the age of two, and I do not see my love ending. He is as much mine as he is his father's son.

One major challenge in my blended house has been to ensure that all family members feel they receive the same anount of love. Whether it be love coming from me, or my husband, there are some ways I can share with other step moms reading this that you as a step-mom can ensure that you are living up to your job as parent, mentor, and guardian.

1. Don't expect overnight results.

Some step-mothers(and fathers) tend to expect too much from their spouse's child too fast. The step parent may want the child to call them "mom or dad" or perhaps they want to be instant "buddies" with the child, Depending on the situation, it will take months, even years for that child to trust you, Just be patient, and be available for the child when they need you, They will learn to trust you, and eventually see you as an extended part of their family. I got lucky because John's mother gave rights up to him soon after he was born, so I was able to take the role of mother a lot sooner.

2. Be consistent with all the children.

Notice I said all the children, Children pick up vibes easily from their step parents when the step parent is not treating everyone fairly. It is very easy for parents to take the side of their natural children over that of their step children. It is not out of cruelty, it is a natural protective reaction parents have toward their own biological children. Be sure to hear everyone's side and judge accordingly. Also, take turns in allowing the children to talk first when a dispute arises, For example, Johnny and Suzie have an argument. Let your step child Johnny talk first on the first round, then if another dispute arises, Suzie gets the first word.

3. Have special time set aside for your stepchild.

Whether you moved in with the child, or the child moved in with you, there will need to be a period of adjustment. During those times, be sure to incorporate one day out of the month where you and your stepchild do something fun. This applies mainly to children over the age of five years old. When John moved in with me, I made sure that we had coloring time. This was what made John the happiest. We would sit there and color for hours. This is how I gained John's trust. Be sure to find something that interests your child and then be sure to stick with making the time.

4. If the stepchild has another parent outside the home, be sure not to interfere.

Naturally, this does not apply if the child's outside parent is abusive. What this applies to is the parenting style of his or her biological mother in a non-abusive situation. Refrain from negative talk about the other parent in front of your stepchild.

Remember, children need to know that they are loved and cared for. If you find yourself blessed with a stepchild, know that patience is the key in all child rearing, but even more so when a stepchild is involved.

I look forward with great anticipation to what lies ahead for my son John and me. He is the joy of my life, and I am so glad I am his mom.