The Joys of an Empty Nest

We hear a lot of fuss these days about the proverbial empty nest. Mothers who have spent eighteen years and more loving, protecting and nurturing their children going into mourning when their children leave home. Mothers are feeling lost or abandoned, not knowing what they will do now that their little darlings are all grown up.

I have three children of my own, each of them very different from the other and requiring different things from me. And, just like most mothers, I have spent years catering to their every need. Kiddy parks, baseball practice, Girl and Boy Scouts, school plays, football games, sleepovers and all the drama of the teen years. We have done all there was to do and have been through it all. I taught them how and why they should look both ways before crossing the street, how to clean their rooms and why they should wear clean underwear when they went out. Everyday we spent together was an ongoing lesson. They took every bit of my free time and it was a blast.

My oldest daughter was the first to do everything so she was the one who "broke me in" to all the challenges of being a mother. Just out of high school she decided she wanted to attend an out of State College. Yes, this was a hard decision on mom, but we got her there. One semester later she decided she wanted to come back home so we brought her home. Within a couple of months she decided she wanted to move to Los Angeles and live and work in a mission for homeless people. A very difficult decision on mom, but again, we got her there. Once her one-year commitment was complete she was back home for a week or two before moving to Waco Texas where her fiance was living and going to college. She shared an apartment with a group of girls and worked while attending college, awaiting her upcoming marriage.

My middle child, a boy, presented to me all of the rough and tumble thing boys bring to a mother's life. Broken bones and snakes seemed to be his favorite. He graduated from high school a year early and stayed around and worked for my husband for a year or two before announcing he was moving to Oklahoma City Oklahoma with one of his friends. Child number two now making decisions that were hard on mom. After six months or so he moved back home and had a couple of different jobs before he decided to move to Waco and attend college. He did that for a year before moving back home to work for my husband again. He enrolled in college and the next thing I knew he announced that he was getting married. He dropped out of school and within a few months he and his fiance moved into their own place.

My youngest daughter is completely different from my first two children. She purposely forged her own path, trying to make sure she was nothing like her brother or sister. She decided to take some time off after graduating from high school, continuing to live at home, without a job. After many discussions on the responsibilities of being an adult she decided to move to Waco with her sister and attend college. Her being my last child at home, this was a very tough decision on mom. She enrolled in college and began working part-time, still depending on mom for some of her support.

One by one they were leaving me, moving on with their lives. I must admit it was a little hard to swallow when it first began. The mom in me wondered what I was going to do without them. All of a sudden I discovered that I had time on my hands. My days no longer dictated to me by their schedules. I knew I had to come up with a plan of my own. I decided that getting organized would be the first thing on my agenda. This was quite a process. As I sorted and packed my children's forgotten memorabilia my mind was flooded with memories of each and every event. The children that I had spent my life raising, the same children I'd been teaching and molding their entire lives were no longer there. What a very emotional time. It was at that moment I realized the meaning of an empty nest.

Eventually, everything was packed and stored safely away. This meant it was time to revise my plan. Now that my children had left me I felt that my husband and I should get reacquainted. We had been so busy making a living and making a life that we hardly had time to be a couple. So we began our courtship afresh and anew. We went to movies, traveled together and talked for hours, without interruption. I was able to rediscover what a wonderful man I had married.

As time continued to pass I decided to refocus my plan on myself. I did all of the things that I had put off for years. Simple things like having my nails done and joining a fitness club. I went shopping, forcing myself to actually look at and try on clothes just for me. I stayed up late watching old movies and enjoyed sleeping in whenever I felt too lazy to climb out of bed. It was wonderful to have the opportunity to pamper myself in such a way and I found that I enjoyed it immensely.

Then, one day, it dawned on me. Back in the dark ages, before I had children, I had hopes of becoming an artist and a writer and illustrator. What a better time to begin fulfilling those lost hopes and dreams than now, when I had so much free time on my hands? So I began researching different types of markets and trying to hone in on my interests. And where do you suppose those interests lead me? You guessed it. Straight back to my children.

My oldest daughter, 25, has been married now for three years. She is working part-time and is still attending college. My son-in-law is continuing his education at Baylor University where he works for full-time. They have chosen to stay in an apartment until after they both graduate and know where they want to settle down. They have everything budgeted out and handle their finances with great precision. They have decided to postpone having children until they feel they are ready.

My son, 23, lives in my hometown and is working for the largest drilling company in the state of Texas. He and his wife live together with their two sons. They are presently living in a rental house but hope to purchase a country home in the future. Like most young couples with children they struggle with their finances but are learning how to manage a household.

My youngest daughter, now 20, is still living in Waco. She decided to take some time off from college to reevaluate what she wants to do with her life. She has gone from working full-time in retail to waitressing full-time in a nice restraunt. She lives with her sister and brother-in-law, paying her share of the expenses. She recently announced to me that she is considering marriage in the near future. She is still learning the responsibilities of being an adult since mom no longer supports her but her finances are improving all the time.

Now I sit back and watch my investments grow. No, I can no longer watch over them and keep them safe and I no longer have them with me everyday but I do see them often and they do call me to say I love and miss you. And some days they just call to say that they saw something that made them think of me. While I am no longer the strongest influence in their lives they still turn to me when they are facing a decision that they are unsure of, just to see what I think.

I am so proud of the direction each of my children have chosen. While the paths they have taken have led them away from me, I can take comfort in knowing that I helped to mold and make them who they are. Oh yes, my life has changed drastically since my children have flown the coop but I have discovered that life does continue and I now fully realize that joy can be found in an empty nest.