The Joys and Perils of Bicoastal Living

For many years, I was bicoastal. Considering modern terminology, I will explain that very quickly: I lived in two different states. While my legal residency was in California, I spent an equal or greater amount of time in New York. Such an arrangement was, to say the least, interesting-- often good, but not without its pitfalls.

When one thinks of bicoastal living, the first thoughts which usually comes to mind are "the rich and famous"-- celebrities whose homes are in one place and jobs are in another; or "snowbirds"-- elderly folks who spend winters in warmer climates and move back north with the warmer weather. It isn't necessary to be in either of these categories, though, in order to appreciate the best that both have to offer; all it really takes is the ability and willingness to be flexible-- and to not be overly-encumbered by material possessions. Although my own bicoastal arrangement was not originally by personal choice, the main point was in trying to balance the two and hold to what was important in each.

The benefits of this type of arrangement are probably obvious-- you can have the best of two entirely different "worlds." The pitfalls, however, are probably not what one most likely expects. One which never failed to surprise me, although logically it should not have, was that whichever state I was in, the people had no personal frame-of-reference by which to relate to anything which had happened or was going on in the other. For example, the people in my middle-class neighborhood in New York had no real means of understanding what life was like in a Mexican Barrio in Southern California-- each had a true sense of Community, but each had a very different reason for it. Likewise, in that New York neighborhood where rarely did anything truly bad happen and there was virtually no danger, people found it quite difficult to fathom many experiences I'd had in California-- such as coming face-to-face with Richard Ramirez, "the Night Stalker." While the folks back east consider such things in terms of "something they hear about on the t.v. news, and happens in some faraway places, too far away to be 'real'," the folks back in the Barrio had the exact same "no, that can't be for real" attitude about middle-class people who are rarely in a position of "doing without" basic necessities for living, and who have nearly limitless opportunities for their futures. That part of it hits the children the hardest, and was most difficult for me to deal with-- that one group had limitless hope while the other had none.

Another pitfall, which I doubt if many have thought about, is that when one lives in two different states it seems that whenever anything important happens-- good or bad-- it's where you are not at that time. People marry, people have babies, people die-- and not being present is a very sad and lonely feeling. This is a very real pitfall when you have two different "communities" and your time is divided between them-- you never seem to be where you're needed; you never seem to be where you feel you should be.

Although it may sound odd, or even trivial, when someone asks you "Where are you from?" and you are hard-pressed to know for sure what the correct answer is, this is a sign that you have become one of the bicoastal populace. It takes some pondering, and you may still be confused-- is 'where I'm from' the place where I originated, or is it my chosen place, or is it where I have spent the most time? For people who have set down their roots in one location, such a question does not pose a dilemma-- it's either where you came from, or where you moved to and stayed. The 'where are you from?' topic also takes in issues of a more serious nature, such as ensuring that you keep everything from your driver's license to healthcare directives applicable to where you happen to be at any given point in time.

For those who wish to consider a bicoastal living arrangement, my life is proof that it is indeed do-able, and one need not be wealthy in order to do it. Years and decades on down the line, you will have much to relate about "roads traveled."