The Kabbalah of Conscious Parenting (Part 2)

PART 2
Now you have a general idea of how the Tree operates in creation as a whole, in your child and in yourself. Let's consider how you can practically apply this to your parenting. We will go through this by making ten points, each associating with one of the ten spheres of the Tree.

1. Your job as a parent is not to impose your will on your child, but to follow God's will in how you relate to your child. Also, it is not to get your child to do what you want, but rather to help your child to connect with what God wants. To do this, you have to relate with your child in a certain way. You have to remain calm and centered enough to be in touch with your own core, because Kether occupies the deepest level of creation. When you react with much emotion, when you simply try to apply some theory of how to relate with your child, you cut yourself off from the deepest prodding impulses that come to you from the highest spiritual levels. Spending time in prayer and meditation can help you stay connected with Kether in your parenting. As you practice parenting from this deep level, by your example your child automatically learns how to connect with his or her higher spiritual guidance.

2. To know what to do in the midst of any given parenting challenge, go within. Within you emanates the Divine Wisdom of the Tree, guiding you in line with Divine Will. Be mindful of the fact that true wisdom exists in your child as well. You don't have to make your child wise. Your child is actually a manifestation of Infinite Wisdom. Your job as a parent involves helping your child to connect with his or her own wisdom so that your child can make responsible decisions without you needing to exert control. You do this by thinking of your child and yourself as intrinsically wise. By opening your heart and mind to higher wisdom's guidance when relating with your child, instead of habitually reacting based on your superficial likes and dislikes, you attune by you and your child to the perfect wisdom offering both of you the guidance you need to follow.

3. Every child is essentially structured on the design of the Tree, but every child is also a unique representation of that Tree. To relate effectively with your child you need to base your way of relating on understanding of who your child actually is right now. The third sphere gives you the power to do this, but you must use it for it to work for you. You want your child to base his and her choices on understanding of what is really going on, don't you? As you function with more understanding in relation with your child, your child learns to function with more understanding as a result. To gain the understanding that you need to parent effectively, spend time observing and contemplating. You need to understand what you are really doing and what your child really needs from you. This does not occur automatically. You need to study your child and yourself. Review your experiences with your child to see what you can learn from them. Regard every way that you relate with your child as an experiment, showing you what works and what does not.

4. It is certainly possible to relate too harshly with a child. To be an effective parent, you need to be a loving parent, always kind, even when you need to deny your child of what he or she desires. To raise a kind, caring, loving child you need to consistently relate with that child in a kind, caring, loving manner. The fourth sphere gives you the power to do this. Be aware that the Tree as a whole is really your guide in every moment. This means that kindness is never something to leave out of your parenting. Pay attention to how your child feels and to how you feel. Being cruel is not the same as being constructively stern.

5. It is also possible to be too lenient, too passive, too permissive and indulgent with a child. The fifth sphere gives you the power to say "no" when that is called for, to set limits aimed at strengthening your child. Allowing a child to experience displeasure is sometimes the greatest gift you can give. But this is not the same as making a child suffer because you refuse to meet legitimate needs. Be very aware of your emotional reaction when you need to impose boundaries. The slightest trace of anger from you constitutes an act of cruelty. You will notice that in the sequence of spheres, Mercy precedes Justice. In the Tree of Life pattern, the higher sphere rules the spheres below it. Thus, the real purpose of being stern is to be kind in a more strenuous manner. You impose limits to prepare your child to handle freedom and power responsibly, so that your child does not have to needlessly suffer more in long run.

6. The sixth sphere represents your power to be guided by beauty in your parenting. This means preserving your loving, harmonious bond with your child. Work on getting along with your child. Open your mind and heart to beautiful inspiration relating to how you can connect with your child in more wonderful ways. Don't behave in an ugly way toward your child or around your child. If your child behaves in an ugly way, don't let that lead you into similarly ugly reactions. Maintaining your poise. Nurture your heart and your child's heart on beautiful music, art, nature, and scripture. Whatever task your parenting calls for, execute it in a harmonious way. Children need peaceful, happy, harmonious surroundings to behave well. Your child craves the experience of beauty as much as you do, and feels driven to create and express beauty. As you follow your sense of beauty in parenting, you automatically lead your child to follow beauty as well.

7. The seventh sphere gives you the power to achieve your goals and to make your dreams come true. Your child has this same power. To access this power begins, essentially, with faith. You have to have faith that you can win in order to give it all you've got. Your child needs to have faith that he or she can win to do what victory requires. How you relate with your child impacts your child's faith. The more faith you have in yourself and in your child, the more faith your child will have in himself or in herself. By contrast, the more anxious, insecure, worried you are about yourself or your child, the less faith your child will have. To access your greatest power to win, choose something miraculous to strive for. You have to go for something so big that it seems impossible. Doing this deepens your faith and gives you access to the power you need. Don't try to push or force your child to strive for higher levels of success. Instead, just trust that your child already desires to achieve miraculous things. Your job here is to relate with your child in a way that fosters faith, not fear. Avoid being overly critical. Cut out the use of complaining to motivate your child. Don't label your child a failure, a disappointment, a loser, a liar, a brat, a good-for-nothing as all this does is undermine his or her belief in her ability and her worth. Be encouraging, not discouraging. Keep your own level of motivation and positive attitude high and that will naturally rub off on your child. Help your child see how great he or she is; not how great he or she is not.

8. Believe it or not, your child wants to do the right thing, the honorable thing. Your child wants to demonstrate excellence and integrity just as much as you do. You both have the eighth Divine Emanation driving you to do this. The way to bring out your child's honorable potential is to continually strive to manifest your own. If you feel dissatisfied with your child's demonstration of excellence or integrity, take a closer, deeper look at yourself. You will find that you can be more honest, that you can follow a more respectable course of action, that you relate with life from a deeper level with more respect for the sacred. Instead of criticizing, condemning, and disapproving of your child for lapses in excellence and integrity, face yourself with more direct self-honesty. As you raise your own levels of performance, you have a higher influence on your child and feed your child's spiritual spark that drives him or her toward perfection.

9. As a parent you need to rely on the power of ninth sphere for patience and persistence. Sometimes you have to endure a problem for a long time before you can make significant headway. Be a patient but persevering parent. Realize that you can only improve your child's behavior and lead your child to higher development by small degrees at a time. Also, use the power of this sphere to be a reliable parent. Relate with your child in a way that causes your child to feel secure, to know that he or she can count on you, rely on you. If you routinely lose your temper and explode at the top of a hat, you exhibit unreliability. This makes your child nervous, insecure, and your wildness fosters your child's wildness. Children begin lying to their parents when they stop trusting their parents with the truth. Can you be trusted? Can your child be a human being, make mistakes, behave in obnoxious ways at times without you falling apart? Do you regularly fulfill your promises? Remember also that the ninth sphere represents the pattern of the true self. This means that you need to relate with your child in a way that expresses your authenticity, and that respects your child's authenticity. Your child exhibits certain strengths and abilities, and certain weaknesses. You need to pay close attention to recognize what those are so that you can guide your child on a path of true, authentic success in life.

10. Finally, we arrive at the tenth sphere of parenting by the Tree. This is where you take responsibility for what you do, and learn how to give your child responsibility for what your child does. This sphere is all about responsibility. Don't blame your child for how you react to your child. If you yell, nag, plead, argue that is not your child's responsibility. You need to exercise self-control over yourself to relate with your child in ways that you choose to. To teach your child to be responsible, take total responsibility for what you do and for the results you achieve. Then, to improve your results, focus on what you can do differently. You also teach your child to take responsibility by letting your child be responsible. Avoid over-controlling, stepping in to direct too quickly. Give your child the chance to find his or her own way, to make some mistakes and to learn from the consequences. As your child matures to the point of being able to understand the relationship between action and consequences, make your child's privileges contingent upon your child's fulfillment of responsibility. For instance, before we go to the zoo, you have to make your bed and clean your room. If you want to watch a video, you have to not plead for more when the video is over. When your child oversteps responsible boundaries, he or she loses a privilege. This teaches your child to consider consequences before taking action, to expect to have to do responsible work for the privileges she hopes to enjoy.

Admittedly, this amounts to a thumbnail sketch of Kabbalah and how Kabbalah relates to effective parenting and child discipline. The essential point to remember is that both you and your child have within you both the drive and the potential to function at higher and higher levels. You don't have to make your child into a wonderful, capable, happy human being. Your child has already been made to want to do that on his or her own, and to do it. By remembering that, and relating with your child more consciously, you can see how you can cooperate with the fulfillment of your child's most beautiful potential.