The Key to Avoiding Problems with Problem Solving

Problems are like bad-hair days: Everyone has them, yet nobody really likes them. Given three minutes, you could no doubt rattle off lots of problems that exist at home or at work. They might include issues with kids or mother-in-laws or customers or employees or neighbors or pets or co-workers. A show of hands would reveal that every one of us knows all about problems. Or do we?

Identifying the problem is the tricky part. That may sound like a no-brainer, but it isn't. Many of us are not very good at it. But once we learn how to do it, the job of finding a solution gets easier. Let's say your 7-year-old and 11-year-old come in the back door and throw their jackets in the corner of the kitchen floor. You call them back and tell them to hang them up. They do it, but after a few days they're back into the same habit. You ask, you nag, you accuse them of being lazy and sloppy, and it goes on and on this way. If you were having coffee with a friend, you may say something like, "My kids are so lazy - they just throw their coats on the kitchen floor every time they come in." That's the problem, right? They're just plain lazy and must be trained every single day. Whoa, not so fast. You expect them to use actual hangers way far away in the front closet or in their rooms? C'mon. Even you know that can be a drag, and you're old. The real problem is that it is not easy enough for your kids to learn how to be neat. Screw in a few hooks by the back door so there can be no excuse. Problem solved - after a few reminders perhaps-and everyone is happy.

Another scenario: You manage a call center for a large public utility company, and your customers hate your automated call-handling system. They complain that they always have to punch their way through a bunch of robotic prompts to have their questions answered, rather than being allowed to speak to a real live person right off the bat. Your take on it is that it is simply cost-prohibitive to maintain the staff required to offer personal service for the most common questions, such as account balance or how to obtain a duplicate bill. The conflict is obvious: They want something you're unable to offer. What if you hosted a few customer focus groups and asked for opinions and needs and wants and questions about policies and procedures? You might learn that the real problem is not what you originally thought: It is that while most of your customers understand-albeit grudgingly-the reasoning behind your company's impersonal call-handling, they get flustered because of less-than-clear instructions given to them, the length of time it takes to get an answer to their question, and the perceived coldness of the system. So a too-bad-that's-the-way-it-has-to-be-if-we-want-to-hold-down-costs kind of "solution" just doesn't fit. The best solution will come from finding ways to clarify and simplify the navigation while sounding more warm and fuzzy. Easy stuff.

Is the problem that one of your in-laws criticizes you at family gatherings, hurting your feelings, and you don't know how to deal with it without creating a rift in the family? Maybe the real problem is that your spouse doesn't come to your defense and ask the perfect one to knock it off. Explain your expectations to your spouse, who may not realize how much the niggling bothers you.

Is the problem that your roommate is selfish and rude because she always cuts out articles before you've had a chance to read the newspaper you share every day? Maybe part of the problem is that you put off reading the paper until it's convenient for you, even the next day, and she doesn't want to fall behind (and she thinks that YOU are the annoying one). Compromise.

Keep in mind that for each of us (yep, even you), perception is reality. If you can put yourself in the other person's shoes and sincerely work towards understanding his or her viewpoint by asking the right questions (even of yourself!), problem-solving can be less of a, well, problem.