The Key to Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something many of us think we practice, only later to discover that we still feel angry, upset or hurt about the situation. We claim that all is forgiven so that we may keep the peace and ease or comfort the other person without really taking the time to heal ourselves. The truth about forgiveness is that it actually has very little to do with anyone but you. Forgiving can give you the freedom to let go, really let go, of any negative or hurt emotions that you feel as a result of a certain situation, event or person. You cannot simply claim forgiveness though, you have to honestly work though what you are feeling in order to set yourself free and achieve balance within yourself.

When you harbor negative feelings such as anger, hate, rage, fear or self-doubt, it causes a chemical imbalance within your neurological system. This chemical imbalance can then cause serious health conditions and depression or side effects like fatigue and long with a weakened immune system. Constantly living with those negative emotions can cause a change in your personality and rifts in your relationships. After time, those negative emotions can really take their toll and drag you down. Releasing all of that negativity restores your emotional health and gives you back the full life you have as well as helps to restore and return to normal your own chemical balance. Letting go of that hurt gives you the power to take back the amazing person you really are.

One of the very first steps to true forgiveness is to pinpoint the event that caused you pain and your true emotions that stem from it. For instance we now know that hate is really a group label for anger, fear and hurt. Spend some time identifying what you are really feeling along with what effects those emotions have on your life. Concentrate on the event itself rather than on the person who perpetuated the even that have caused you these negative emotions. Once you can truly identify your feelings and acknowledge the effects they have on your life then you can make an informed and conscious decision to end the cycle there.

The most difficult part of the true art of forgiveness is letting go of the negativity and frustration in order to truly heal yourself. In this step you focus on the person or persons who you feel have caused the negativity in your life. Confrontation with the person or persons you feel responsible may not always be possible or safe but you can still let that anger out. You can right a letter venting your frustration and then destroy that letter as an act of both emotional venting and physical release. You can have a friend stand in for this person so that you can release what you have to say while still remaining in a controlled and safe environment. The important thing is being able to release those emotions in a way that is safe for you.

The second half of truly being able to let go is to evaluate deeply that hurtful event or situation once again and find within it, its gifts. Whatever the situation was or is, wisdom and experience often grow from pain and every situation has its own positive as well as negative effects. The positive effects then become the gifts of that particular event or situation and can be things such as a lesson you've learned, ways in which you are now more aware of safety or another element as well as any children that resulted from a past relationship. To discover the positive effects on your life that has come from your particular situation ask yourself what you learned from the situation, what did you gain from the experience and what is in your life now that would not have otherwise been in it. Being able to recognize the positive effects from that event, situation or person is the key in being able to overcome it.

The actual words need never be spoken, the person you are forgiving does not have to be present or aware of the act. Yet all of the positive and healing effects of forgiveness will still unfold within your life. Of course, if you would prefer to then you can make the person in question aware of your decision to forgive them. Forgiveness does not mean that the situation or act was not wrong nor does it excuse the negative effects it has upon your life. It is simply a way that you can release from your system all of that negativity which kept you tied to an event or person with an ongoing bond of pain, hate and frustration and in doing so break that negative bond forever. We forgive so that we may are able to be free and that is something we can only accomplish for ourselves.