The Key to Having Trust in a Relationship

Some of my friends have asked me how to have trust in someone a relationship. It was frustrating and disappointing for me to tell them that I'm not the person that they should ask. The reason for that is because I've always had a problem with trusting whoever I was dating.

Like many people I've come across and like some of you reading this, I was always afraid of opening myself. I was always afraid of being hurt in the end. I wanted to be happy with that person but my mistrust for them always ruined the joy that they did bring me because I never allowed myself to believe that they were being sincere or if they were playing a game. I was always skeptical that whoever I was with at the time was out doing things against us and that skepticism only lead to me doing things that were only detrimental to the relationship.

I would talk to other women out of fear that the lady I was with might be talking to other guys on the side. I discretely dated other women because I felt uncertain that my partner was being faithful to me. Though I never physically cheated, I came close enough to taint the relationship. Through this, I ultimately found myself without a lover and without a friend time after time.

Now that I'm older and more mature, I came to realize something vital when it comes to trusting your partner - you have to trust yourself first. As simple as that may sound, the key to having faith in your partner is to have faith in yourself and your own sincerity.

When I first got into the relationship I'm in now, the biggest problem we had, as all couples have, was the fact that we were putting our hearts in the hands of someone we didn't know. As we both had been devastated by love before, this was the subject of many long conversations and sometimes nasty arguments. And even after we made the agreement to "dive into this with hands held together and eyes blind", I still found myself questioning her commitment to me.

I would constantly dwell on the idea of her dating other guys while she was with me and the more I thought on it, the more it festered until it began to feel like she actually was out with other men. Those thoughts turned into anger towards her and often began arguments and sleepless nights that should've never occurred; all because I let my own fear put thoughts in my head about something that wasn't true.

Then it hit me one day that the reason why I wasn't too sure how faithful she was to me. It was because I wasn't too sure how faithful I could be to her.

It was a very tough thing to deal with because I felt like I was lying to her to entire time when I said to her, "I trust you", when in actuality, I didn't. And it hurt to know that, in a sense, I was hurting her without her even knowing.

After I came to that realization, I decided that the only way I could truly and honestly live by those words was to just give it my all and let the chips fall where they may. I learned that I had to have complete and total faith in my own sincerity before I could have it in her's. Now that I have, I feel that we have grown into a much stronger and happier couple and I couldn't have asked for a better woman to be with me.

Happiness through a relationship is like anything else you truly desire in life. You have to work extremely hard at it and put all your faith in yourself in order to truly accomplish your goal. If you are having problems with putting faith in your significant other you have to ask yourself one question: Do you not trust this person because of their character/past actions or is it because you see yourself doing something that you might regret later on? Give yourself an honest and truthful answer then the burden of doubt of that person's sincerity will be lifted away.