The Keys to a Lasting Friendship

This is an article regarding the foundations, nuances, and keys to lasting friendship. Let me begin this ambitious undertaking by making a bold statement: we have all had at least one good friend during the course of our respective lifetimes. The only reason this statement is bold in its tone, of course, is that it is a statement of an absolute--in this case, a generalized claim that is supported by no evidence other than my own experiences and connections with people in my life. It is simply an empirical observation that I consider to hold true for the vast majority of human beings.

Now let us begin elsewhere. Namely, at the root of a valuable and lasting friendship. I could rattle off an enumerated list of rules to abide by, or even suggest that you highlight certain passages as if they were the big secret to creating and maintaining just such a friendship. Instead, I will begin with the truth. The truth is this: I have not the slightest clue as to why my best friend, let alone the handful of other people I call close friends, have stood by me through all of these long and harrowing years.

Now you're likely wondering what qualifies me to write an article on friendship, given that I have just acknowledged my ignorance of its method of operation. This is what qualifies me to do so: after twenty-six years of being a total and complete buffoon (I discount the first two years of my life)--after twenty-six years of complete bumbling, I still have very good friends who, I expect, will never be categorized in any other way.

The man I consider to be my best friend, an unmistakable presence by the name of Kurt, has essentially taught me everything I know about friendship. If I could point to one thing throughout the years that has kept us from drifting apart, or even resorting to shouting profanities at each other in frustration, it would have to be a good sense of humor.

Keep in mind, our senses of humor are so vastly different, it is almost as Rudyard Kipling once wrote: "East is east, and West is west--and never the 'twain shall meet." Well, not to contradict old Rudyard, but sometimes the unexpected happens. Two people, rooted in completely different, diametrically opposed sectors of the world of humor, can meet. And they might even crack jokes that they each laugh at.

Kurt has this habit of being funny even when he's not trying to be funny. This is remarkable. His philosophy on life was once summarized, by him, as this: "Funny words are funny." And, the strangest thing is, when I'm talking to Kurt, funny words are funny, even if they do sometimes involve the ubiquitous American language of amusement: bathroom humor. Not that all of his funny words involve toilets or dangling bits--actually, the truth is, to those who know him, quite surprising. Kurt has the ability to transform any plain, boring and decidely average word in the English Language into something that will leave you wondering why you can't breathe for the sake of laughter.

So, I firmly believe that, often, a good sense of humor is required to propagate a friendship that can overcome hurdles such as situational depression, life's frustrations, and even mental illness (myself being the one clinically diagnosed, upon several occassions, as mentally ill).

I feel it now my obligation to share with you a second, and equally as important, component of a lasting friendship: a listening ear. By this, I do not mean that you should just listen to your friends and say nothing in return. Instead, take myself and Kurt as an example. As Dickens has written, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Although I have never read 'A Tale of Two Cities', from whence the quotation was plucked, I still understand it within the context of the human experience as relayed to me by friends, and as experienced by myself.

Enjoy the good times, the "ups" in a friends life. This is when humor can dominate any exchange of words between friends. Conversely, be ready to commiserate with your friends during their "downs" in life. For example, when my fiance called off our engagement due to my rampant mental illness, Kurt was right there. Granted, he was on the other end of the phone in a different city (as has been the case for nearly a decade), but I felt as though he were sitting there in my living room, directly across from me and making eye contact, as he was like to do in high school. Though I was unable to find very much to be funny at that time, even funny words, a friend was still there for me.

So, you may wonder what to do when your friend has been, metaphorically speaking, kicked in the gut by life. Here's what Kurt does, and its also what I do: listen and respond. That's it--that's the big secret. Just listen and respond in the best way that you know how. And, after years of friendship, you truly begin to understand the lay of the land, so to speak. He's coached me through a broken engagement, and I did virtually the same when his girlfriend of two years called it the quits. This part is not always easy. But, hey, what are friends for--right?

There is both a pleasant side and a painful side to any truly worthwhile friendship. My advice to you, the reader, would be the following: never let your friends down. Always make time for them, especially when they need it the most. And don't forget to keep 'em laughing till their guts hurt and the tears are rolling down their faces in uncontrollable fits of funny-ha-ha.

Word. Get some.