The King is Dead

Michael Jackson, the king of pop, was laid to rest today. Like the man himself, this was not your typical service.

Many of those attending the memorial service were surprised by the décor. The coffin rested on a base designed to look like a toy box. The coffin it self was in the form of a "jack in the box", or a Jacko in the box, complete with a crank on the side. And sitting solemnly next to the coffin was a monkey in a monkey suit.

Michael would have loved his memorial service. Along with many prominent African-American clergymen, the service included spiritual songs sung by the St. John's Cathedral All Boys' Choir.

According to his doctor, in the casket along with his body, were all of his previous noses, four sets of lips and two pints of melanin pigment which had been extracted from his skin over the years. One of his plastic surgeons explained, "God made him what he once was. We are sending him away with all his parts. God can put him together anyway He wants."

The Jackson family rose to fame and fortune, but then fell apart. Relations have been strained among the family members for some time. This was the first time that the family had gotten together in years. The result was not exactly the "Walton's Family Reunion". Twenty-seven conflicting complaint statements have been filed with the police by various members of the family. Only minor injuries were reported and the hotel is still receiving estimates of the damages done to the property.

At the memorial service, Janet Jackson stood up to sing "Nearer My God to Thee", when she had a "wardrobe malfunction". Fortunately her veil covered most of the exposed portions of her chest. Two mourners reported seeing Tito Jackson seated behind Janet with a pair of scissors just moments before the "accident". Police are investigating.

The hearse used in the procession was Cinderella's carriage flown in from Disney World. Michaels's original funeral plans called for 20 boys to follow the hearse all dressed in livery outfits. But the parents objected. So the procession was made up of 20 "little people" in costume instead.

The pall bearers moon-walked his casket to the grave site. As the casket was lowered into the grave one pall bear was heard to say, "Now maybe he'll find his other glove."

Michael's tombstone reads:
From Never Never Land
To Forever and Ever Land