The L Word - Feel the Burn, Make the Splash

This week's episode of the L word starts with a cool fantasy. Alice is telling Shane about a dream she had about Jenny's movie. She, Shane and Helena are Charlie's Angels and Bette is Charlie. Only in the tone of Jenny's movie Lez Girls, Alysse (Alice) as Jil Muroe paying great homage to Farrah Fawcett's hair, Shaun (Shane) as Sabrina Duncan that would make Kate Jack feel flattered, Helen (Helena) as Kelly Garret giving Jaclyn Smith's character some British sexiness, Nina (Tina) as a smoking Bosley and Bev (Bette) as Charlie; surely John Forsythe would be impressed. This scene was greatly created by Molly Fisher, a winner in OurChart's Fan Fiction contest. Big congrats to Molly and thank you for sharing her hilariously wonderful vision of our favorite ladies. Aaron Spelling would have loved it. Alice must have eaten something interesting after midnight to have such a dream.

Back in West Hollywood, Tina and Alice are starting their day at a local gym where they see Shane, being there since 5:30 that morning, breaking a sweat. After dealing with the heat from Paige and a rock through the window from one of the bridesmaids, Shane has decided to take a sabbatical from 'sex and the drama that comes with it.' This has gone one for three days at this point. She's wanting to make some major changes in her life, focusing her energies on seeing Shay every three weeks, meditating, and working out. Across the room in the same gym we see Jenny and her new assistant Adele, who adoringly tends to her every single need. Tina feels disgusted and thinks the girl is weird. Alice offers to help Tina find a date by searching through profiles on OurChart.

While refreshing themselves from the workout, a cute young lady tries to flirt with Shane and she is very apprehensive towards her asking her not to even touch her. Tina and Alice agree that Shane's not gonna last long. Alice sees a poster on the locker room wall promoting the Subaru Pink Ride for breast cancer research and Jenny says she's in training for it prompting Alice to suggest they all join. Tina's all for it saying they should join as a team and Shane names the group Team Dana in honor of their best friend. Everyone loves it and Tina says they should get Bette and Kit in on it. Jenny feels Jodi should be there too; Tina doesn't like the idea but she's not voicing it too much. Even though Jodi didn't know Dana as Shane says, Jenny's rebuttal is that she come because she has breasts and that was the end of that conversation. Alice thinks she can get Tasha to train them since she knows how to train. Tina questions about her delay to Iraq and Alice covers well by saying that their equipment had not arrived yet.

Tasha presents Beech with papers from her Commanding Officer; much to his dismay he's been assigned to defend her case. She wants Beech to represent her due to their long history together in the service and they go over her allegations. The first describes an outing with the girls, who are openly lesbian, at the race track where she was seen with an arm of one of the girls around her shoulder by fellow soldier named Brown. A second incident happened on base involving a conversation between her and Alice described as a lovers spat and Tasha says the latter is speculation and that Private Brown made those claims because he has animosity towards her. Neither of those claims were reported by Brown, the first was a primary accuser whose name wasn't in the report while the second was from her CO Kevin Dixon who also wasn't the only witness. The last hit a nerve, Tasha was comforting a fellow soldier named Anita Martinez after learning she had to leave her son again due to their unit being redeployed to Iraq and it was perceived as special treatment to change her job classification because they were having a relationship.

Tasha gives Tasha a great case to Beech concerning the differences between Brown and Martinez. Brown requested for job classification change because his wife just had a baby and he wanted to be home with them and he is under-qualified to hold the job he has now as a Human Resources Specialist. And Martinez was more qualified yet she was sent back for another tour of duty in Iraq. How she graduated second in her ROTC class, received a Bronze medal for saving the lives of both U. S. soldiers and Iraqi soldiers, witnessed a fellow soldier lose his life as she held him in her arms; which wasn't a intimate embrace by the way. She has respect for the service and has a passion and drive to continue to serve her country. She never decided to be a lesbian, she decided to join the service. She has every right to continue to serve. Beech took it in, collected himself and fully understand how she feels. There is however a price, she's going to have to lie about her lifestyle if she truly wants to stay int he service, which understandably brings her to tears.

At The Planet, Grace and Max are at a table talking and they notice Jodi's interpretor Tom looking in their direction. He tells Grace that Tom hit on him a while back in the restroom and this intrigues Grace. She recognizes Tom's good looks and asks Max if the attraction is mutual. Slightly on the defensive, Max says he's not into men. Grace goes on to say the first trans guy she dated wasn't into men before transitioning and it turned out that former butch Julie became a gay man named Jake. So to her it wouldn't be a surprise if Max became attracted to him. You'll notice how open-minded and free Grace is, almost encouraging Max to give it a shot with Tom.

A little while later at Jodie and Tom's table Alice and Tina, along with Jodi, are checking out OurChart searching for a date with Alice preparing for her new podcast (if you look carefully you can see LouAnne's profile - Riki Lindhome's character from Girltrash! on the site). Of course you know they would come across a girl Shane has known personally, prompting them to move on to the next one.

As Grace helps in setting up the camera equipment and chairs for the podcast, Tom comes over to flirt with Max big time and it appears that Grace is cool with and Max is warming up to it a little. A while after the podcast, Max approaches Alice wanting to speak with her alone for a minute and she 's brushed off because looking for a date for Tina seemed more important. He lets her know that he made a podcast; catching her attention Alice asks Max what does he mean he made a podcast. Max wants Alice to check it out and see if it would be good for OurChart. At that moment she gets a call from Tasha which would make you think that was the excuse except that would far from the truth. Remember how she was towards Max basically saying that he talking to Phyllis about transgender was off the subject of OurChart? This was just as bad.

Later that evening at Alice's place, Tasha shows her the court papers regarding her case. In true Alice form, she offers to distance herself to the point of being a non-existent girlfriend to help her case. This touches her but Tasha says she doesn't want Alice to do that.

Jodi and a group of close friends have been getting together once a year for the past eleven to Big Bear for the weekend and Bette is joining her. Even though she made the commitment to go Bette was trying to get out it saying she had an engagement to attend concerning her department. Jodi said that this would be the first time she's taken someone with her and really wants her to come. Bette reluctantly agrees to go.

On the way there we learn a little about Jodi's friends, and her best friend in the whole world Michaelangelo. Jodi makes mention many of his titles; one being that he's a curator catching Bette's attention but Jodi says he's not her level. Making her seem like a snob. The next morning everyone is awake and lively as Bette and Jodi enter the kitchen. Jodi introduces Bette to everyone and they welcome her with open arms, Michaelangelo especially. The group starts the weekend off with traditional morning mojitos, to which Bette politely declines because she feels it's too early in the day to drink. That's when put on the spot about the night before. You see, they got in a little late and they had what they thought was their private time before meeting the group. Jodi's friends were aware of the romp. Making Bette uncomfortable thus excusing herself as they toast to the weekend ahead.

Bette does her best not to make Jodi's friends feel small, something we all know she can do. She keeps busy and to herself sitting off to the side working while everyone else played a game of football. One of the guys goes over to Bette attempting small talk about the property and tells her that it's against the rules to work at the Sistine Chapel. Her response is stern and cold causing him to retreat. Michaelangelo comes over to give her a choice, the game or the lake, since doing work is not an option. Bette is really trying her best not to be rude and declines both options, saying she's fine doing her work but to no avail. Michaelangelo takes her over his shoulder and runs towards the lake with Bette screaming at the top of her lungs for him to put her down. Jodi takes notice but it was too late to stop him because by then Michaelangelo was on dock tossing Bette in the lake and jumping in after as if it all in fun. Obviously upset about the moment, Bette pushes Jodi out of the after climbing out of the water and heading back to the house.

The final attempt to loosen up Bette was Michaelangelo having small talk about art while they set the table for dinner; underhandedly insulting her because she hasn't been to any other art shows outside of New York and Los Angeles. He continues to get under her skin when Jodi comes over and try to smooth things out. He claims he doesn't mean any harm and asks Bette to check out a few pieces he has upstairs. She's hesitant but says she'd take a look at them; he's pleased and goes to get them. Bette looks at Jodi almost to say 'I shouldn't be here.' That's Jodi's world; a complete opposite of what Bette is used to.

The next morning, Bette drives up to Jodi and her friends telling Jodi that they have to leave because Kit was robbed at gunpoint at The Planet. Everything is packed so they are set to leave and wants to get back before Kit takes a drink. Michaelangelo interrupts saying she should be allowed a drink after an ordeal like that. Bette shoots back saying that Kit is an alcoholic and her having a drink wouldn't be the best thing for her; instantly nipping it in the bud. As Jodi says her good bye to her friends, Michaelangelo yet again offends Bette by asking if she was making up the robbery story to get out of a bowling game. Why would she ever need to lie her way out of a bowling game that, as Bette would put it, kick his ass in? He was very overbearing. They head to Bette's place where Kit sleeps in the couch and try to put the robbery behind her.

Tina has a date with a beautiful heart surgeon named Brenda, someone she met online. She and Shane are at the gym discussing it and in the course of the conversation you see Shane looking at another woman across the way as if she is ready to rip her clothes off and tear her apart. Tina unsuccessfully tries to snap her out of it, Shane is in a trance. That evening Tina goes on a date and it looks like this has some potential to get better. She's surprised and impressed to see that Brenda shares a love for art since she didn't mention it in her profile. She apologizes for talking about her ex and Brenda says she understands since it was a long termed relationship. This makes Tina even more comfortable and they have a drink. They soon begin to get to know each other more physically. Tina compliments Brenda's breast who proudly tells her they are augmented. Tina becomes more excited; she and Brenda get deeper into each other. She even likes Brenda talking dirty to her. Looks like this sexy new lady will bring something out Tina we have yet to see.

Helena becomes more comfortable with life in prison now that she and Dusty are a couple and she's collecting debts for her new lover. She's feeling really good and plants one on Dusty. Later in the even in their cell they are working on what looks like a puzzle of exotic islands and Helena names off a few that Dusty says are 'society islands.' Then they get to a piece with the name Tahaa, where Dusty's grandfather has a place. She says that if she gets out of prison she's heading there. Helena tells her she will get out. A guard approaches their cell telling Helena she has a visitor. She surprised to have a visitor at 10:00 in the evening. Helena tells her she'll be back to which Dusty doesn't believe. She stops Helena and gives her the Tahaa puzzle piece before she goes. Her late night visitor is none other than her mother - Peggy Peabody.

As Peggy is walking down the prison hallway on her way to the visitor's room she gets hit on by one of the inmates and she responds so smoothly that shows us that no one but Holland Taylor could play this woman so damn well. She enters the visitor's room like a locomotive telling her that everything is going to be alright; she would have been there sooner but she was on a treasure hunt. In response to her mother asking if she learned her lesson, Helena says that the has learned a lot. Trying to go on to say that she has learned to handle herself and doesn't need her to bail her out everytime. She's not really hearing what Helena is saying to her. Letting her know Whit is coming to post bail and is bringing a change of fresh clothes. Peggy is going to try to get her record expunged and says that's gonna cost quite a bit. Helena tried to get a word in edgewise about how she doesn't want her help; that she fine with serving her time and paying her debt to society. Mummy says that she needs to get it together and understand that a Peabody doesn't pay debts, especially to society. She also isn't too pleased with her choice in a mate, meaning Dusty. Again Helena unsuccessfully tries to get through to her mother about Dusty has changed her for the better. The next day the girls are at The Planet, which is temporarily closed due to the robbery, having a party for Helena finally being released from prison and everyone is happy to see her back and well. It seemed like things are back to normal with Helena, meaning she's no longer cut off from the family fortune.

She announces that she's leaving before the trial. Much to the surprise of everyone Peggy let's them know their family doesn't go to trial; they go to Europe and try to put matters like that behind them. As the news sinks in, Peggy shares her disgust about Dusty to the girls and Kit gives Helena kudos for hooking up with her. Helena again tries to express her adoration for her and Peggy shoots it down causing everyone to feel a bit bad for her in turn making the mood a bit somber. Helena excuses herself to go to the restroom and Alice follows her asking where she's going; Helena can't say. She expresses that she's sad to see her leave and that she'll miss her. Helena tells her they hope they'll see each other again and that she's been a good friend to her.

She makes it outside the back entrance of The Planet where Shane's having a smoke. Sharing the cigarette with her, Helena tells Shane that she's leaving but not with her mother. She continues to tell her that she hid the money she took from Catherine, she's going to get Dusty out of prison and they're going to go somewhere. She asks Shane to cover for her. She asked the right person to keep her secret; you know Shane is a trusting friend. Shane gives her props sayijng she's got balls. She gives her a hug and surprisingly kises her and they pull away. Shane explains to a shocked Helena that she didn't mean to do that. It's just that she's on a cleanse and that ist's driving her crazy and the kiss was s lip and the was really sorry. Helena's telling her she really has to get going and again to keep this between them and she agrees. We then see Helena take the puzzle piece out of her coat pocket and Shane wishes her well and she acknowledges it by waving the piece. The look on Helena's face was one of someone who found happiness in someone who loved for her for her. Helena has grown since being cut off, has finally spread her wings and is flying. Hopefully we will see her again with Dusty. Hers was a beautiful exit - we'll miss Helena.

Next week on the L word - In light of the robbery the girls take a self-defense class with Kit. Tina and her new girlfriend make Bette feel uneasy. The military forcibly enters Alice's apartment looking for indications of a relationship with Tasha; which doesn't sit well with her. Rival club SheBar opens and the group goes to check it out.