The Latest Must-Have Accessory: Marriage

I know, cynical title, but one that resonates deeply with me at this time. One reason is because of all the continued debate about whether women should work outside the home (thus opening more jobs for unemployed men), whether women should be allowed in the military, and whether women should be allowed to be leaders in a Church. While these questions have been in debate for many years...even centuries...there continues to be a growing debate and with the information age it is getting quite out of hand - in some cases even cruel to each other. Let's look at some concept examples and see if we can gain a little perspective.

Status

Do we really understand status? Much like the value of any country's currency, status is based on the value that other people (countries) give it. There are many people who care little for having doctors around and think that your 12 years of medical school were a waste of time. But the child suffering through cancer is grateful for your training. It is human nature to want to increase our own personal status. Those of us who obtain our status from inside are generally happy with the way we are and have no desire to improve to please others. Ironically we also find it easier to improve in general because we know we truly only have ourselves to answer to. However, most of society is based on how we compare with other people, and forgetting that there will always be someone who is better than us in some way we continue to strive to be the best, gain the highest status, and usually neglect families and friends in the process. She's so fat, he's so buff, she's so skinny, her butt is big, her eyes are too close together, his car is newer, her skin is tanned, his job is better, her husband is better, my kids potty trained at 2 years, my kids were reading by age 3, mine was doing calculus in 5^th grade...and on and on it goes.

Land

Ownership was the first status I can think of, and the first ownership was things and land. Whether you believe a God created us, or evolution carried us from the beginning, once humans learned they could "own" something it became a status symbol to do so. The best clothing went to the "richest" or "most liked" person. That person also curried land and title which carried down through generations as a status symbol. In the days of the first humans it was "ugh, this land mine, ugh." Then it went to wars and fighting to take over countries and kingdoms; even as simple as you once belonged to him, now you belong to me even without moving to a new land. Now it is "I have 3400 square feet, too bad you only have 3200!" "Yes but if I converted the garage like you did I'd have 400 more." And so on. Land is still a very key status symbol for us today, everything from the coveted "beach front property" to huge chunks of land just to call your own without doing anything useful with it. Instead of saying, "I want a house like that," we should be saying, "Thank you for the roof over my head."

Clothes

Anyone with teenagers knows how important clothes are. From the beginning I can imagine cavemen fighting over the best hides to be made into clothing. It brings to mind the old "The Flintstones" [Hannah Barbera] cartoons with Fred and Barney comparing bowling balls and Betty and Wilma trading recipes for brontosaurus ribs. Each, once again, wanting something the other has because they think it makes them better. Now it is the difference between the $10 practical tennis shoes from Wal-Mart versus the $175 Air Jordans [Nike] from Foot Locker. They are going to wear out about the same time but having the name makes all the difference in the high school halls. Move on to adulthood and it is the difference between the Prada shoes and matching handbag versus the cheapies I happened to find at Payless. Do they really look any better? No, but the name adds status and we find ourselves wanting what others have. Again, instead of saying, "I'd love to have shoes like that," we should be saying, "Thank you for the protection for my feet."

Cars

Yes, it started back in the day with the better breed of camel, horses, donkeys, then moved to wagons and boxcars and finally to the "horseless carriage" and modern automobile. Honestly, think back to a time when you saw someone on the road in that sleek, brand new, top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz and thought, "I'll bet he's compensating for something [wink, wink, nudge, nudge]." But just a few months later you get that fat bonus check and immediately run to the Mercedes Benz dealership to get yourself the same car...only newer, of course! In your own mind, having that car made your status in life go up; but only in your own mind. And yes, as you drove it home someone on the road was saying, "Look at that, what a waste. Imagine spending all that money for something that dropped 50% in value the moment you touched it. Must be compensating for something [wink, wink, nudge, nudge]."

Jewelry

I'm sure we can all remember the "she's baking in pearls" from many movies and television shows ["Malcolm in the Middle", etc]. How many times do we hear girls say, "What a rock, my fiancé really loves me for getting me this big, expensive diamond." Really? A diamond shows you how much he loves you...I hope he isn't compensating for something! And then we start adding our kids to the mix and it gets really ugly. I can't stand playground circles of parents. Conversations usually follow a path like, "Well, today my Johnny said [insert difficult word here]". "Really, well Caitlin was potty trained in just two days!" "Sophia was just accepted to [insert prestigious preschool costing thousands of dollars a month here] and she's only eighteen months old." If you are that insecure as a parent that you need to one-up the other parents it might be time to go back to preschool yourself for a little self-evaluation (and learning to play nice with others). If you have ever seen the TLC show "Toddlers and Tiaras" you know exactly what I am talking about!

All of these things are items outside of our personal being that make up what we call our status. Car, house, "stuff" to fill that house . . . and spouse and family have joined the status symbol regime. Sad, I know, my grandparents just celebrated their 59^th anniversary, my parents their 35^th. But today the status of a long and (hopefully) happy marriage has gone to the wayside. I mean, you have to wait 30 years after being married before you can brag about it; I mean, when 4 years of marriage is celebrated like a 50 year anniversary there is some serious re-thinking that needs to be done! What about that instant gratification we are teaching our kids? Really, the pizza rolls will take 30 seconds in the microwave? Never mind, that's too long to wait, I'll just starve! In this age of "hook-ups" and where hanging on the arm of the "coolest guy/girl in school" is the symbol of the popular kid it is hard to teach our kids the meaning of meaningful. And if our kids look at a boyfriend/girlfriend as a status symbol, just imagine what they are seeking in a husband or wife! Don't get me wrong, this has been happening for years, decades, even centuries. But with the new electronic age the "in" person that you should want to marry or strive to be like changes so quickly it is impossible to keep up with the status. Just a few years ago it was "marry nerds; they are going to be rich and rule the world when computers and robots take over." Musicians and celebrities have always been high on the status list . . . but even they ebb and flow faster than ever as each strives for more and more instant gratification and attention in this age of instant technology. It is no wonder that the divorce rate is so high, the changing "status" of life, combined with the changing status of "single versus married" confuses so many people that "keeping up with the Joneses (or Kardashians)" means changing everything everyday.

So, how do we teach our children (and re-educate ourselves) to think outside the status and move into a more committed lifestyle?

Thou shall not covet...

If we don't always feel we must have the best, the newest, and the most important, then our children will learn that it is okay as well.