The Layoff Christmas: A Memoir

The year Boeing laid off so many employees that a sign was put up that said "Will the last one to leave, please turn out the lights", Christmas promised to be grim but taught me a special lesson.

That year, my dad had escaped the layoffs by being broken back from a supervisor to a painter/sealer again. My mom had to buy him overalls again and his suits all got tucked into the closet out of sight. He moaned and groaned about all the physical labor crawling into the deep narrow spaces of the wings wearing kneepads to protect his knees from damage instead of being desk bound.

The cut backs had begun early in the year. Instead of expanding my ballet lessons to twice a week by adding toe classes, they were cut altogether. My older sister lost her music lessons. Only my sister Sandy got to keep her swim team participation, all else was cut.

For my birthday, my mom had promised that I could select whatever I wanted to redecorate my bedroom to match the red carpet remnant she had installed. She had begun working at JC Penney's in order to afford nicer things in our home that she couldn't buy otherwise. But my birthday didn't happen. Even though I spent hour after hour debating black and white to match the red carpet, or an oriental pattern, or the teal curtains and bedspread seen in the catalog, that was it. Just dreams.

School clothes purchases amounted to a pair of jeans and two tee shirts and bras.

I lost my best friend Michelle to California since her dad got a job with McDonnell-Douglass. In fifth grade, Michelle, Kristine, Dawn, and I had all become friends when based on the results of the Iowa Basic Skills tests, our desks were placed together by our teacher Mr. Kaut. We spent our summer's playing four square and tetherball and building puzzles together at the recreation center and during school, we were the bakers and popcorn makers and planners that put on the movies that took us to camp. Now one of us was gone, never to return.

The highlight for my year was when Dawn invited us all over for a Halloween party. My mom couldn't afford to buy me a costume, but she let me wear one of her outfits and I managed to put together a rather risqué costume involving a body clinging dress that looked like a Japanese sari. I put my hair up and painted my face white and added lots of eyeliner and blush. No one much noticed me among my prettier friends until that party.

My girl friend's and I were into weird stuff. Our new friend Jean had us over for a séance and we all got scared when the candle blew out while we were calling for the spirits to come, but that was in the summer and this was winter and the dark came early.

Dawn served us hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows and we said hello to her older male cousin named Mark or something that was visiting. He mostly left us alone but smiled and winked at me and I blushed. We played our favorite songs. We curled up on the carpet and played truth or dare. Then Dawn got out the Ouija board.

My mom didn't really like anything like séances or Ouija boards but I was allowed to try them out at other's houses. That night, we took turns asking the Ouija board question. I don't remember what the others asked but when it got to my turn, I amazed myself and asked, "Who will I marry?"

I looked over at Mark then back to see what the Ouija board said, sure that my friends would take my hint and allow me to flirt.

Dawn and Kristine each had a pinkie finger on the plastic card that slid over the alphabet, moving randomly then suddenly stopping at a letter. Slowly, slowly, the card moved.

The answer came "S - T - E - V - E - N - L - O - V - E - S - Y - O - U".

Wow. It made sense-everyone else had clusters of letters like KNOFL.

I whispered the words to myself.

My mom was wrong. I wasn't going to become a nun or a librarian. Somewhere in the world, someone named Steven loved me. I had to admit feeling somewhat disappointed that it hadn't said Mark. It hadn't said the two boys we all thought were totally hot. I didn't even know anyone named Steven.

Finally I had to go and when I went to leave, I paused in the doorstep because snow was falling in big gobs. The headlights of my mom's car shone on the whitened road. As I stood there, Mark stuck his head out the door and said, "You know, you really are beautiful".

I was shocked. I thanked him and dashed away to the car. Life was really wonderful.

Christmas was a return to reality. We were lucky enough to have presents under the tree but they were very few. But we all gathered round and one by one received a present from my dad who was playing Santa.

First package for me, pajamas from grandma. Mine was an old-fashioned floor length thing that looked like a grandma would wear. My sister Sandy got the silky pants pajamas that I wanted. I was hurt but said nothing.

Second package for me was my gift from my godparents in North Dakota. It was a broken bottle of perfume like something my mother would wear. I said, it doesn't matter, it was the thought that counted.

Third package for me was a big heavy square one which we hadn't guessed what it could be.

I unwrapped it. There was a white comforter. My sister opened hers to find matching curtains. Both were white with little yellow, blue and pink flowers all over it. Mom had bought me my bedroom redecoration and made it my Christmas gift and I hadn't even got to pick. It was horrible and stupid and girlish and I hated it but I thanked her and said "It was wonderful" as she explained that the only way she could redecorate was if she gave it to me and my older sister for Christmas.

Then Sandy burst out crying. "You didn't give me my swim team sweats." She got up and went to the bathroom. My mom tried to explain. My dad got all restless. My older sister and I were horrified. We tried to shush her. She wouldn't shush. We tried to distract her. It didn't work.

I couldn't help my astonishment. My kid sister had received the gifts I had asked for and was complaining up a storm and even got to continue in swim team which cost money while all the rest of us lost out. And worse, she wasn't playing the game.

Parents do the best they can to do things right and be fair and when times are hard with all the shortage of money, you have to be fair back. She was much younger than us, so we tried to explain.

Finally, we got her playing cards and were able to make her laugh and once Sandy starts laughing, she gets lucky as all can be and gets helpless giggles just because she can't stop winning and laughs even more. My parents were relieved.

The evening ended much better than we thought possible. We all went to midnight mass at St. Stephens and listened to the trombone play "Joy to the World" and just hearing the sounds blast out made everyone feel happy.

So what was the lesson I learned?

As I stared out into the snowy night, not having anything that I wanted, I whispered, "Steven loves you." Hmm. How could that be?

Even now I wonder. I married someone named Bob. Never dated anyone named Steven. All the Steve's I have met were jerks or married or too young. Maybe there is no Steven. But being loved has to be the best gift anyone receives and it never disappoints. That's the lesson I learned that Christmas.

My sister was upset and horrified to be the only one on swim team without team sweats, but I could accept my broken perfume and kid decorations and whisper "Steven loves you" and be happy because I could believe in the pure magic of the idea of being loved. Be sure to tell someone that they are loved, it makes a wonderful Christmas present.