The Life of a Black Introvert; No We Don't Hate Society, We Aren't Rude, but We Could Get Out More

I read a cool blog posting called Top ten myths about introverts. It is an interesting piece, but it seems a bit heavy handed. Some of the myths that are addressed deal with whether or not introverts are rude, misanthropic (hatred of man), weird, nerds or should try to become more like extroverts. I do agree that introverts have communication issues with other people, and at times themselves, but I don't think that people should simply stand on introversion or extroversion and pronounce that they aren't changing for anyone.

Both introverts and extroverts could learn more about each other. I am saying this as an introvert. Now I could say that a Black man has no business being an introvert, but that is not entirely true. Plenty of Black men are introverted and do okay in this world. The challenge in being Black, and an introvert, is that you have to go a bit further in polishing your skills at whatever you are good at because of societies expectations and stereotypes that they hold about Black people. You are expected to be outgoing, and when you aren't people are not entirely sure what to do about it, if anything.

We live in an extroverted culture, as do most minorities in America. Minority groups have a tighter support system and relationship with other people of their own race in this country. I am not suggesting that Caucasians have it all figured out, but they do not seem to fall under the submission of the same societal expectations that minorities do. If anything they seem to have a freedom to be their own individual and get outside of the mainstream than minorities do. If you are different, strange, eccentric or weird as a minority you have a hard way to go in America. Your support will most likely come from people outside of your race, so your introversion may not be as Black or White (literally and figuratively) as it is for Caucasians.

There are Blacks that are introverted when it comes to being around other Blacks, but are very open, aggressive, and extroverted when it comes to Caucasians or other minority groups. It is all about your comfort zone. I tend to fall somewhere in the middle; I try to fit in where I can and leave my rhetoric about being an introvert to myself. The average human being really does not care about your introversion and is not interested in getting to know you in that capacity, particularly if you are Black. People want to get to know you as a human being and well rounded individual, not as an introvert. It isn't that they do not respect the introversion, but they can never be fully expected to show empathy or experience compassion with respect to a personality type that they themselves are not intimately involved with.

Introverts could stand to become more extroverted. It would behoove you to do so, particularly as a minority. Now an introvert may never truly be extroverted, but they can stand to soften their edges, which are often weird and misanthropic. One of the myths addressed in the original piece suggests that once you are in with an introvert, you are in. That is true to an extent; I can let you in, but I can also push you away from me very easily. If anything I can be passionate, and that makes it difficult to let you go but at the same time I have to protect my own interests and disassociate myself with anyone or anything that is toxic, or unhealthy. I spent a lot of time in unhealthy relationships in the past and have no interest in doing that again.

I am not sure that extroverts just like to hold onto unhealthy relationships either. This seems to be a way of addressing a myth with a stereotype. Introverts are not always "friends for life" or willing to take a bullet for you, that simply is not true. If anything introverts can be loving, and believe strongly in the essence of humanity, but at the same time, even though they want to believe the best about everyone they can be extremely distrustful. Not all introverts are the same, I often wonder if the author simply had those experiences with introverts themselves and came to that conclusion in spite of the differences among introverts.

Introverts do have a lot to talk about once you get to know them better. You would probably wish that they had never opened up to you, because they won't stop talking. However, if you get one to open up, and they come at you with many pages or paragraphs of discourse (as I tend to do), and you don't respond you might not hear from them for a minute. That doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is troubled, but an introvert may not have much else to say once they empty themselves. So you might have to bring your own issues and build them back up, or change the conversation. That is a major flaw for most people because introverts are not always as quick to respond as they like to take their time and say the right thing (as opposed to just anything), but it can come across as though they are off somewhere else in the distance but they are still right there with you. I have my own issues with coming back the next day, next week, next month, with people (if at all).

Nerds just happen to be introverts, but not all nerds are introverts. A lot of nerds are outgoing and will open up to anyone. The thing about it is that nerds share a lot of the same qualities; being conscientious, taking your time, pontificating, that introverts often exhibit. The average individuals experience with an introvert is one that just happened to be a nerd. But I have met a lot of introverts that are not nerdy or eccentric at all. It could have a lot to do with the interactions that nerds have with society and what skills they bring to the table intellectually (people may need nerds, but they do not necessarily need an introvert). No special skills, intellect, or intelligence quotient is needed to become an introvert.

There are other points, but I think that you get the point that I am trying to illustrate. Life is hard for introverts because they have the responsibility of letting society know that everything is still okay with them while attempting to balance their inner voice and do the right thing. Too much introversion can leave you in a catatonic state, and that isn't good any for anyone. Too much introversion can leave you in a state of clinical depression, which I have a lot of personal experience with. So get out there more, but never forget who you are.