The Life of a Soap Opera Diva

The soap opera diva lives an exciting and diverse life. Born on the pages of the screenwriter's script, she lives and dies at the hands of the network ratings.

She arrives in town without a cent and a month later is worth fifty million dollars.

She discovers that she was adopted at birth and that her real mother coincidently lives in the same town.

She enrolls in medical school and six months later becomes the chief surgeon of the local hospital.

She quits practicing medicine and instantly becomes the head of a large corporation.

She is, however, never seen actually doing any real work. Friends and family are constantly dropping over to tell her the latest secrets, since these people never actually do any work either.

She goes out for dinner frequently, but never actually eats any of the food she orders in the restaurant.

She becomes engaged to marry an eligible bachelor, then finds out that she is still legally married to her previous husband, who has followed her to town.

After a quickie divorce, as she is walking down the aisle to get married, her fiancé is shot by an unknown assailant.

She finds out that the baby that she had several years ago did not die at birth as she was told, but was adopted by her sister's best friend's mother.

She hires an attorney to sue for custody of the child, and wins. But since she is too busy to take care of the child, she immediately hires a full time nanny, who the child hates.

She then discovers that her attorney is actually the child's father.

She discovers that she is pregnant, but is not sure who the father of the baby is since she has slept with several men recently.

She is in a car accident, is in a coma for several weeks, and loses the baby.

She becomes trapped in a burning building and is presumed dead, then returns to life a week later.

She is called as a witness in a trial but breaks down on the witness stand and confesses all her sins.

It is discovered that, although she had been living the life of a model citizen since she arrived in town, she is actually the head of the local mob.

So she is whisked off to prison, never to be seen again, or until the screenwriter decides that she is eligible for early parole for good behavior.