The Life and Testimony of Katy J. Berezny

2 Timothy 1:8
Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God.

Hi, my name is Katy and I am here today to tell my story. No, not to glorify me, but to glorify the One who found me. This was my life as I knew it once. If there is someone out there that has been through with what I am about to share, you are not alone. There is One who loves you and can redeem you. There are many who have been through worse. I thank God for my turmoil I endured. It has made me the strong woman I am today. Thank you Jesus. I am forever your handmaiden.

Looking as far back as possible, I see my Mother raising us. Dad was gone a lot out working or on TDY. I remember moving a lot as a child. We had nice houses when I was real young, living on post. Then somethings started happening. I remembered staying with various people. I remember her boyfriends and the drugs that we were constantly around.I had to be about 5 when I was almost raped by a neighborhood guy who was like 13 or 14. My parents came home from bingo after leaving us with my 12 year old aunt to babysit. He would have raped me had my parents didn't show up in time.

On one particular night, I believe I was about 7, we were at her boyfriends house. It was a cold wintry night that night as I slept on the floor in front of the fireplace next to my baby sister. Covered up in a blanket I remember my pants were wet. I must have had an accident and he knew, because he took my pants off. As he explained softly in my ear that I had an accident and he was going to pull my underwear off too, I gasped. I was never able to yell out at all. I couldn't. Something wouldn't let me. I froze as he molested me. He begged me not to tell anyone. That morning I told my Mom and he was arrested. he didn't spend too much time in jail because we saw my Mom's friend one day and he was her boyfriend.

With Daddy gone all the time I found a Daddy in Mom's boyfriend, Ed. He was a handsome dark man who had charm. He was on TDY there in Arizona for awhile and he came over every night to be with Mom and us. He spoiled us to death. Bought us what we wanted. I remember calling him Dad even. He was the Dad that I knew at that time. I admired the man and I guess that was his advantage. I think I was about 8 at the time. He would tuck us in every night just like a Daddy would.

We all three shared a bed, but he waited for Crystal and Thomas to go to sleep. Mom would be in her room, alone. She would be folding clothes or something, who knows. He would spend about 45 minutes in our room with the door closed. When my younger siblings were asleep, he would have his way. He performed oral sex with me every night, consecutively, for about two weeks. I thought it was okay in a way. At least I thought so because after all he was 'Daddy'.

Then one night he was about to go back to Japan where he was stationed. He, my siblings and I were all in the living room talking and he shows us this beautiful picture of his wife. We were sad and I was upset. He whispered, 'Don't tell Mommy what I did, she will be mad at you'. I got up and as I went to tell her, he stop and threatened to kill me. It took me a year before I finally told my Daddy. This was right before the divorce.My parents divorced when I was 10 and I wouldn't see my Mother again until I was 14.I lived in Germany with my new Mom and Dad for four years. I wanted to move back in with my Mother and sister, while my Dad, brother and step Mom went to Hawaii. My sister was already with her. She was still in Arizona.

It was hell from then on. She was on probation so as an easy way out she called Grandma who lived in Louisiana. She ended up getting her IPS transferred to Louisiana. This is when I started smoking cigarettes. She bought them for us. My sister had been smoking since she was ten, with my Mother's consent. This is when I began smoking pot. This is when I tried speed for the first time. This is when I met my first boyfriend, Dan.He was the sweetest and most gentle guy. He took his time with me and I had fun when I was 14-15 with him. I lost my virginity when I was 14 with him. He was 18. I loved him and we are acquaintances today. he even moved to Louisiana with us to be with me. Then while here, he had to walk back and forth 7 miles to work, because my step Dad wouldn't take him. he was kicked out and had to move to South Carolina to stay with his Mom. We vowed to run away together. Instead I wrote him a Dear John letter.

My Mom didn't like him and i was tired of hearing all the crap. Then there was Ronny. Remember the 12 year old aunt from when I was 5? Yeah, this is her boyfriend. He was 23 and I was 15. One night after drinking about four beers and smoking a couple joints, I was pretty lit. I was at home too by the way. Ronny and I were outside and he went to kiss me. I stopped him. I got sober real quick. I asked 'what about (my aunt)' I am not using her name. He said I am leaving her and I want to marry you. Well I wanted revenge and justified the reasons for loving her man. After all it was her idea that I sleep with that guy when I was only five. Ronny was mine. He was mine for a year.

No one knew, then we just stopped what we were doing. I was sixteen and it was Christmas Eve. Mom was asleep already and I just stayed up to finish watching the movie while Billy was grilling rabbit. He offered and I said no thanks, but ended up trying it anyway. Then out of the blue he asked if I would tell my Mother if he cheated on her. I said 'of course I would'. He said 'would you if I did with you'? I said 'that will never happen'. I was feeling sick, obviously and went to bed. He went in there begging me. I was about sick and very scared. I said 'go away and be with Mom'. He did for a few minutes and just as I was falling asleep, he came in and pulled the covers off me. Then raped me. I couldn't speak. I tried and I couldn't. I was froze, scared and speechless.This continued through March, but I allowed it. We wouldn't have had anywhere to go and like before, it would be my fault anyways, so why bother. He would come up behind me and mess with me. I was sick those three months. All too familiar scenario. Seemed like Mom's men were always after me. It was almost normal so I thought. It was my fault obviously because she stayed with him until she moved back to Arizona.

Then just for spite and because I really liked him but wanted no relationship, just fun, I had a two night stand with Cade. He was handsome and sweet and I thought he was single. Turned out that he wasn't single and when I found that he wasn't, hell broke loose and I went to his Grandmas house and cussed him out. Right there on the porch in front of his Uncle Zed. He was charming and good looking. He was a single man. His pick up line was I don't f*** I make love. Oh that is all it took for this 17 year old heartbroken over men who wanted sex all the time. So I thought

Back at home after school one day my Mother asked if Billy and I were messing around and I told her all of it. I told her about Ronny and Billy both. It was my fault. Good thing I met Zed when I did, I would have to stay with Mom and Billy after that. I went to the bathroom and got on my knees crying out to the Lord and that is when I felt the Holy Ghost for the first time. This is my first day of running from the Lord.

Zed broke it off for a couple weeks while he went to Kentucky to see his wife who he was separated from. Then while at Grandma's one day, he came by and that is when we got back together. We started dating April 21, 1996 and I moved in my Junior prom night May 3, 1996. Intimacy ruled our relationship. Five, six, seven times a day until I said it one day 'I think we are making love too much'. This was the beginning of the end of our relationship, mentally. For about seven years I got the cold shoulder. The first two years were so fun yet

we fought all the time. We would go off in the woods and he would scare me with his bat. He would hit himself in the head and the threats towards me would begin. I learned just to shut up and not push his buttons. For some reason I could with out realizing it.The control and manipulation, the threats and blaming began. Everything was my fault. Everything that came out of my mouth was something that would be geared toward a wall. Sitting playing video games I would literally kneel down in front of him and try to get his attention. We just weren't friends. Sure we had our fun times. They were few and far between.One day we were visiting an Apostolic church and I was slain in the Spirit. I never felt anything like that in my entire life. I felt wonderful. Yet I continued to run from the Lord. I felt condemned because I was with a man who was still married when I should have been married to him myself.

Christmas morning about five months after his divorce was final and two and a half years into our relationship, he asked me to marry him. This was after years of telling him we need to get married and knowing he didn't want that. He would always say that it would be worse. Our marriage consisted of sex. There was never a friendship and just a few good times. By now sex is what all men want. This is my thought. From the age of five to the age of 25, that is what they want. Where are the friendships. Where are the real men who have some kind of heart to love and understand. I still to this day do not believe that he loved me. I tried for years to win his love and trust. Well his friendship too.

About three years into my marriage I found myself at a crossroads in my life. This is after our second child and when we moved back to Louisiana after going to Arizona for 15 months. I had a brand new baby and just worked an entire year while he stayed home. i was exhausted and we weren't stable. I just snapped. I literally went without eating or sleeping for like a week. Then one night I got on my hands and knees as flashbacks from my past reared it's ugly head to condemn me and remind me. I just asked Jesus to forgive me over and over. I didn't know what else to say. I was desperate to release this horrible feeling of fear and condemnation. I bet I smoked a half a pack of cigs in 10 minutes. I was kneeling there and spoke the Lord's prayer when all of a sudden I spoke in another language. It scared me at first but I felt this great peace come over me. I crawled back into my bed.

The next day Zed admitted me to the psychiatric ward. I was there for 9 days and into to new baby's first Christmas. I was so furious as I didn't think I needed to be there. I studied the Word and the Lord showed me some things while I was there. He showed me how I spoke in tongues and where it is found in the Book of Acts. When I got out I made a declaration to follow Him. After that trauma, I trusted no man. The Lord showed me where I needed to be Baptized in Jesus name. I was Baptized in the Catholic church as a child. He told me to call a local pastor to find out if he baptized in Jesus name and he does. I have been going to that church for over 5 years now.My marriage was in turmoil long before I got in the church. Zed got in church too but we were miles apart and as I begin finding myself, it just got worse.

I was never able to have a mind outside of him. It was insecurities, selfishness and control. We sought counseling with my pastor to no avail. He even stood up once and called me a whore right in front of my pastor and his wife. If it wasn't his way or he couldn't be right, he got very angry. He would say crude things to my kids and all kids for that matter. A very bitter man. I don't know what his past was like. We never talked about much of anything. I was just here trying to do what I knew to do as his wife.

Yes I had my faults. I was angry a lot and the main thing for that was because I didn't know how to please him and the silence really got to me. He held so much in all the time. Then in February of 2007 as I lay on my bed just minding my own business he called me. Although I always came running when he called, I didn't this time. He went in the room and jumped on the bed and hit me. It took all I had to tell him that it was over. That is when it was over.

I even sought the Lord to make sure that it was ok and through an evangelist, that summer, it was ok. God knows what we go through and He is a deliverer. He knew what I went through. Even things that I have been discovering over this past year. It isn't easy and he will show little at a time. I have done my best to not be bitter towards him because he wants nothing to do with his children at this time. I have to forgive him everyday he doesn't call. If I don't I am hurting my kids and myself.

An emotionally abusive relationship is not healthy and it hurts the inner self. There is a way out. There is a lot more to my story but you get the picture. The Lord is delivering me and has delivered me from many things, including myself. Yes you are your own worst enemy. Learn to forgive and love yourself. If He forgives our past, who are we to not forgive ourself? Remember to share what the Lord has done for you. It builds your faith.

He has delivered me from drugs, smoking, depression, anger and finally a bad marriage. If you knew the old Katy, you would surely know the difference and see what He has done. I forgive all men who have hurt me. May Jesus touch your heart. He forgives you too. If you are a woman or girl going through this. There is a way out. Feel free to email me. thebizspace@yahoo.com God Bless you in Jesus name.

Revelation 12:11
And they overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.