The to Do List

To know my husband Matt is to love him. And I love him. Alot. I guess I'd have to, in order to make it as far as we have. We've been together for 5 years, and in those 5 years, we have seen quite a bit. We've seen family feuds, friend drama, job changes, countless moves, parental divorce, pet loss, and way much more that would take all day to list. And through it all, we've come out smiling. We married about 3 years ago. Everyone who knew us referred to us as 'that couple that makes you sick' because we were always so sweet with each other, even in public. It was sickening. And it was great.

Then June 9, 2009 changed our lives forever. That is when little Aria came along. My firstborn daughter, who I love more intensely than I thought I could ever love another human, came into the world and into our hearts. And though my husband and I mutually care for this little person and love her, she's turned our lives upside down.

Now that she's 3 months old, we've gotten a much better grip on things. She's a very good baby; she sleeps through the nights, has a strong stomach and handles her formula well, and has a pleasant disposition and is always smiling. But life with a baby is by no means easy.

I personally have been home with her for the last 3 months, but need to return to my full time job very soon. It breaks my heart to have to place her in daycare, but in this economy, I am lucky to have a job and I know it. In the last 3 months, I have somehow managed to care for our daughter and run our home. But I will say this -- I'm tired!

Our arguments started kind of small. Matt would come home from work, and greet myself and the baby, but then sit himself in front of the tv. Totally understandable - we both work for the same company, and I truly understand how stressful of a job it is. However, didn't he get that I was home all day with no time to myself? Didn't he get how tired I was? Didn't he get how much I needed his help?

Actually, no, he didn't. And that's what I learned after a few arguments. At first, he would just know I wasn't happy, and ask me if there was anything wrong. Me, being the typical girl, would answer with, 'nothing'. In retrospect, I'm surprised he didn't pull his hair out at this answer. After a couple of weeks of going back and forth like this (me seething in silence, him obviously not reading my mind), we finally exploded. We started getting vocal about our feelings, and it wasn't pretty...the couple that never fought was suddenly having daily battles every evening. It was pretty scary, considering fighting wasn't common with us. We were always in sync before, and we both loved the baby so much, so what was the problem?

After alot of talking with friends and family, I realized that maybe I was expecting too much of Matt. After all, he really wasn't a mind-reader. But I wasn't a nag, either, and had prided myself on not being 'that wife'. But something had to be done here, because we were both at each others' throats and misunderstanding each others' feelings.

So it came to me on one of my many sleepless nights that maybe there should be a middle ground. If only there was some way I could tell him what needed to be done without nagging him, then he would feel like he didn't have to read my mind but could still help me without feeling like a pansy. And then it dawned on me...a to do list!

The next morning, Matt and I woke and went downstairs for breakfast. He looked over at the fridge and saw my scrawlings of all the chores in the house that needed to be done that weekend. Then the baby started crying, so I went upstairs to take care of her. By the time I came downstairs with her, he'd knocked 2 chores off the list. And he seemed so proud, like he was really contributing to the house, but not having to be told to do anything, either. I had no idea he'd actually look at the list...I almost meant it as more of a joke. But suddenly, it became a daily affair. I'd make a list, and we'd compete to see who could get more chores done. We were laughing each day about who did more, but it never turned ugly. The truth is, if one of us isn't completing a chore, we're probably watching the baby, and anyone with a newborn knows how much work that is.

So it's a simple tale, but a solution that's worked for another friend of mine as well who was having the same problem with her husband. And Matt and I have gotten alot happier and enjoy each other and our daughter much more. Now if only could get my daughter to follow this same concept 10 years from now...