The Lost Art of Giving (and Receiving) Hospitality

Since time immemorial, people have been making friends, finding mates, and piecing together pacts over a good meal. Yet somehow, in the last few decades, fellowship over the dinner table has become an antiquated, odd sort of practice to many people. It's increasingly common for people not to even use their own dining room table, let alone eat around the table with guests and friends. But noshing in front of the TV or eating over the sink or in the car doesn't fulfill the same needs for fellowship and camaraderie as does a leisurely, casual meal complete with chat, gossip, and laughter.

Yes, you read that right-I said casual. Practicing hospitality doesn't mean turning your dining room into something out of a women's magazine. There's no need to deck the table with color-coordinated ribbons, buy new china and new drapery. Your house doesn't have to be Martha Stewart-clean and -organized to invite guests over.

Now, the lack of hospitality seems very obvious, but there's another side of it that I have recently realized is missing too-there seems to be a trend in that people have a difficult time accepting hospitality. Whether it's because of being too busy, or feeling uncomfortable with the idea of sharing an evening chatting and relaxing, it's becoming increasingly difficult for hospitable people to find others who will accept an invitation to dinner and actually show up.

So, for both the inviters and the invitees, here are a few tips.

When you want to invite someone over:
-Stress the casual nature of the dinner. Tell your guests that there is no need to dress up, that all you will be doing is eating and enjoying each other's company.

-Once you've got a date set, call the day before to remind them and to say "We are really looking forward to dinner tomorrow with you!" Miscommunications and forgetfulness happens, and it's best to clarify things rather than everyone being embarrassed if someone forgets to come, or mistakes the day or time.

-Don't worry too much about the state of your house. Make sure that the main areas where your guests will be are clean and reasonably tidy. Get some scented tea lights and light them about 15 minutes before your guests are due, especially if you have pets. We don't always realize how our houses smell to other people. If you want to make something sparkle, concentrate on the bathroom that your guests may use.

-Plan a simple, delicious dinner, not a gourmet 10-course meal. An example would be: garden salad, a baked chicken dish (and this can be as simple as marinating chicken pieces in your favorite salad dressing and baking until done), rice or pasta, side vegetable, and dessert. If your guest offers to bring something, let them do the salad or dessert. Sometimes people have an easier time accepting an invitation if they can help you out a little.

-Tidy up your kitchen as much as possible before your guests arrive, and when the meal is done, stack the plates and leave them in the sink. Don't spend half the evening washing up while your guests sit on the couch and count the spots on your ceiling. If you are already well acquainted, then it's alright to let your guests help with a little cleanup after the meal, but don't let it take up the rest of your evening.

-After dessert, move your guests to your living room, and offer tea or coffee. Or, if dessert is something that can be eaten without a whole lot of mess, serve it in the living room with the hot drinks.

-If there are leftovers of something take-home-able (like fresh bread, dessert, etc) wrap it up and stick it in a bag for your guests when they leave.

When you are invited somewhere:
-Don't be embarrassed to accept the invitation! The people doing the inviting obviously think you're worth spending time with!

-Make sure to clarify the date and time with your hosts. Then WRITE IT DOWN! Don't be late, if you can avoid it by any means. There is nothing more frustrating than having supper freshly made and then having to keep it warm in the oven for an hour while you wonder if you've been stood up.

-Offer to bring something-salad, bread, cookies…. Just something small but thoughtful. If you were brought up with the idea of a hostess gift, that's fine, but don't think you have to go out and spend $25 bucks every time you've invited to eat with someone. A few cute things from the $1 store in your area will make a lovely basket for the hostess.

-Unless your host has specified otherwise, dress comfortably. If you don't, you may find the hostess in a denim dress and you and she both will be somewhat embarrassed by the glitter on your dress and pearls around your neck.

-Offer to help with clean-up, but don't insist if they tell you no. Unless your host family has half-a-dozen toddlers and is obviously insanely busy, they'll manage the dishes just fine after you leave.

Hospitality is an important part of any culture, and we in the States need to re-learn this art. Give yourself a challenge this week: Is there someone you've recently become acquainted with that you'd like to get to know better? Did a new family move in down the street? Do you know someone who could use a relaxing meal that they didn't have to prepare themselves? Invite them over to eat, and put your new-found knowledge about hospitality to good use!